Triggering (SI) - I hate my life

[fed up]

I'm going through a shitty patch at the moment in my life.
I have depression, been suffering for about 9/10 years, and my Gp thinks i have bipolar.
That i can cope with.

What i can't happened last week.

I had a panic attack at work. i had chest pains with it, so the first aiders at work called for the emgerency services.
Since than i just get this feeling that everyone is talking about me. I know this as i have found some emails about me, this from my so called friends. I have just walked through the warehouse to go to the accounts office and my friend who i normaly have a chat with just totaly blanked me. The warehouse isn't even that busy at the moment.
Even my own boss in the PD office can;t even look at me never mind talk. yet i have been open with him from the start.

It's just got to the stage where all i want to do is cut to make sure i'm still human.
Since all this happened my self harming is getting a lot worse, instead of just the little cut, i've become like a mad woman with a razor blade. Just slashing at my body.
I don't even feel anying. Apart from numb. I have told my GP my feeling, and she changed my meds last week, but nothings changed, I just feel crap.

My life at home is just as crap, i still live with my folks, (trust me i'm trying to get out).
My mum walked into my room this morning, and stood there talking to me, while i was getting dressed and didn't batt an eye lid at the amount of cuts i have on legs and arms. There been me so worriered about what there going to say if they find out, i've been wearing jumpers all the while, and when it comes down to it they didn't even notice!

I hate my life.
I hate my job.
I hate my self

[-Rainbow-]

:( im o sorry this is happening to you...
for your mum not to acknoclege o had cuts must have been realy hard for you.
hang in there though,
*massive hugs*
xx

[grizzlybear]

hi, i am sorry you are feeling so low hun, i no things are hard right now but they will get better even if it does not feel like it right now.

panic attacks are hard, i used to have them all the time, i found that sometimes distacting myself helpes, and using a paper bag to get my breathing under contol, i no its hard but the trick is to try and calm your breathing down.

when you are feeling like self harming try to distact yourself, watch tv, read go for a walk, even if you can manage to no self harm for five minutes longer than you usually do thats a good result.

feel free to pm me anytime

HUGS CUDDLY CAT

[Katiee]

Heyy,
I'm sure they are just worried about you hun and don't know what to say or how to act around you. *HUGS* If you have the urge to hurt yourself maybe you could find distractions? Sorry I don't have much advice. Take care. xo.