Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Help :'( help....... :(

-Rainbow- · 24-03-2009, 01:39 PM

ugh
ho wo di i express it .
i am... semi intoxiacted.
drunk.
i am so sorry. i dont even kno what for. for being a fkn failure.
i dont do anything right.
i feel so bad. i am abck a square one. my psychiatrist said to me today i have started talking how i was talking when i first saw her. when i was really suicidal.
and now i dont know..
that was a whole year ago.
i got better for abit. but recovery is so far away now.
i thought i was recovered
but im not. i am so far away. so much so, when will it happen?
i dont know what to do.. i want to die. i actually am feeling so suicidal right now.
and i wanna cut. everywhere. i just dont know :'(
help me...
i am so srry.
i am a failure and let everyone down.
please help me.. i want to end this.

Lil'MissLaLa · 24-03-2009, 02:10 PM

im sorry things are so bad right now but try and hold on to the fact that you have experiences better times. Just because ure feeling so bad now, doesnt mean that it will always be like this. We all have days that are tougher to cope with than others but we have to fight on to give us that chance of 'better things'. Recovery doesnt just 'happen', it is a process in which you learn more effective ways of coping with life's up and downs.
I think you need to speak to someone close to you who can support you more, especially right now, whilst you're feeling like this.
I hope things improve for you really soon, no-one deserves to feel like this.
Much love
xx

grizzlybear · 24-03-2009, 02:10 PM

hi, your not a failure at all, i no your feeling really bad but things will get better, i no its hard to see that right now but it will get better.

feeling suicidal is horrible hun, but it will pass your just having a bad patch right now, can you talk to a friend about how you are feeling sometimes talking about how you are feeling can make a really big difference.

feel free to pm me if u want to talk.

-Rainbow- · 24-03-2009, 02:14 PM

i have fel okay for about 5 months now...
i dont nkow why im starung to feel sobad now again.
i am steping back.
my famly is so bad to me.
and i am bad or me
im a mess.
i want tohrow myself off a building.
i don tknow.
i feel so sad.
i want to cut.
and i havn in months...
but i want to
i cant stop crying.
i m so sorry for burdening yiu,.
im nothing. worthless.
sorry.

-Rainbow- · 24-03-2009, 02:34 PM

suicide. now.
:|

Cazki · 24-03-2009, 02:52 PM

*Hugs* Your not a failure at all. Please dont be so hard on yourself. Im really sorry that things are so hard for you. Please dont end your life, you can get through this, dont give up, keep fighting. I understand what its like when recovery feels so far away but you can ge there an you will. Slipping up is all part of recovery, but that doesnt mean your back to square one. Please make sure that your as honest as you can possibly be with your counsellor, as the more honest you are with her the more she can help you.

Have you told your counsellor that your feeling suicidal? Please do. Your not worthless, nothing and your not burdening us. We are happy to help when ever you need it and as much as you need it. There are a lot of people who care about you. Please dont hurt yourself it will only make things worse. Please reach out for support, especially as your feeling suicidal. Try to distract yourself as much as you can. This is the big distractions Page http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1403 and here is the Fun and Distractions Forum http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...splay.php?f=22 Stay safe.

Take care all the best Ian

-Rainbow- · 24-03-2009, 03:43 PM

hi ian, you healed me alot as avalanche...
i know. i dno
i havnt cut in 5 month.
i want to cut now.
and i was on the phone to a frined them... trying to help me.
he knows i was drunk
he knows everytih,g
ish...
not about the sexual abuse..
bt he nows enough.t
i want to hur
all over.
and cut till i cant feel.
i wantto die.

i want to die.
now
so bad
i dont want to go on. i wnt death

xXMessedUpXx · 24-03-2009, 04:00 PM

*hugs* not really in a state to give advice but just want you to know you're not on your own. you're in my thoughts.

-Rainbow- · 24-03-2009, 04:04 PM

i have drunk enough alcohol for my body ot be okay wiht it
and if i take pills i can easy do it.
i want to hudrle mysle fin to badess.
i want to die.
:(
im so sorrry
let me die

Cazki · 24-03-2009, 04:12 PM

*Cuddles you* Please dont hurt yourself sweety and please dont drink or take pills thay will all make things worse. I know its hard but if you can just try and put all the things that are harmful to the side and keep yourself distracted then you wont be tempted to hurt yourself. 5 months is brilliant!! Well done!! Thats such an awesome achievement!! Im so proud of you. Isw there anyway you can contact your counsellor/psych? Please keep safe, keep talking to us.

Take care best wishes Ian

Katiee · 24-03-2009, 06:57 PM

Heyy,
I'm sorry you're feeling like this. You're not a failure at all. *HUGS* Please don't hurt yourself, this won't make anything better. Find distactions, if possible. Things will get easier. Everyone has blips. Take care. xo

-Rainbow- · 25-03-2009, 09:49 AM

hi there guys,
thank you for helping me last night.
i am sorry my typing was horrid.
alcohol does that to you.
i am not feeling as up and down.
but the suicidal thoughts are still there.
i got triggered very badly today.. and i just wanted to cut all over..
and i couldnt coz i was in a tute.
these feelings coming back really suck.
i have let myself down.
and everyone on here too.
my psych knows i used to feel that way and she is suspicious of it again.
and told me the things i say are what i used to say... so im at square one now...
ergh!!
i want to end it.. distractions dont help coz its just a feeling that wont go away.
no matter what...

-Rainbow- · 26-03-2009, 10:44 AM

can anyone help me?
.. things just keep getting worse.
i could use support :(
sorry... i feel bad.