Triggering (OD) - am fine....

lozza · 19-03-2009, 11:28 PM

Right now have some really bad thoughts going around my head. And I know what I should be doing/what I should have done, but I just couldnt

She tells me that if I take an OD then I wouldnt die. Even though what she is planning is ery big. She says though that I will survive it and that taking it will only make the thoughts and flash backs stop. And I have to go into work after uni.... get my updated roster.... this will be danger time!

I know I shouldnt have any many on me right now... because that means I wont be able to buy anything... and I also know that I should be msging my counsellor but I am way too scared to because I know she will be most likely to call someone but I do NOT want anyone else to know... especially my Mum who would be the person she will most likely contact.

But I dont want to die so she shouldnt do her duty of care stuff right?? Its not my wish, its ella's. So why should I be getting punished by the whole world finding out how I'm doing... when its not really me...

Sorry just thought that seeing as I cant msg counsellor that I should at least do other things to try and stay in control.

Katiee · 20-03-2009, 01:10 AM

Hun, I don't know what to say.
How're you feeling now? Take care. xo.

lozza · 20-03-2009, 05:12 AM

Am hanging in there. When I went into work I deliberatly left my wallet/money in the car so ella couldnt have gotten the better of me at the last minute. I am home now. Really wanting to see I can find around the house but I am just trying to stay put and not move. Head is racing and I just want this to be bloody over already!!!

But right now am back home and I guess as safe as what I could be.

Casper_Fading · 20-03-2009, 05:45 AM

well done for leaving your wallet in the car honey. *cuddles tightly*

You can do it! Keep fighting!

lozstar88 · 22-03-2009, 04:08 PM

hey hunni, I am so sorry, I only just saw this thread.
Hope you ok sweetie pie. Well done for fighting Ella baby.
She is a part of you and she is obviously struggling and frighten but honey please keep fighting for the both of you.
I am so proud of you for doing what you did.
Stay safe my twinny
love you *safe hugs*
xoxo