pathetic me

charcoalchild · 12-07-2007, 03:40 AM

I don't want to take up your time and energy, because all in all I know I'm not worth helping, but I just need someone to tell me that they are thinking of me. I find it real hard to make friends and sustain friendship with real people, online its easier, I'm very shy and self conscious, I'm overweight and scarred, but online its easier. But I have 3 close rl friends, who are all going through life disturbances at the moment. One is anorexic and keeps saying she is so fat which makes me in turn think of how fat she must think I look being so much bigger than her. I used to be very slim before I started on psychiatric meds, now I've ballooned. I hate taking the meds but my mum watches me take them. I feel like I dont have any choice in my life. Another friend has recently been to court and found guilty of a crime he didnt commit, and recieved 18 months probabtion, and has to be rehoused, he is very depressed because of this, and my other friend is flat hunting and keeps getting knocked down and let down. They are all turning to me to be a source of support, and I love that they see me as someone they can turn to, but I am crashing after a manic episode and I am finding it hard to cope with my own life let alone their problems too. But of course I cant say that to them. I should be pleased to help. I just need to get over myselfI

Lil'MissLaLa · 12-07-2007, 06:43 AM

(massive hugs) honey, firstoff u ARE worthy of support and help just as much as the next person. With regards to ure friends, it is hard being close to others who have problems themselves because as youve found out it can be hard to cope with when ure not feeling good ureself. ive been in this situation and ive had to learn to say to them tht although i care, sometimes i am emotionally unable to cope. Its taken ages for me to be able to say this but they do understand. chances are ure friends will too. Do you have people in ure life tht support YOU?
Although things seem horrible and unbearable right now, it wont always be this way. i used to be a lot how u described, but over time things have shifted. im still not 100% but back then, i too believed tthings would never change.
Please look after yourself and remember, you are NOT wothless or undeserving, you deserve the best things in life.
much love
Dani
xx

charcoalchild · 12-07-2007, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ..::*I'mAJellie*::..

( Do you have people in ure life tht support YOU?

No. Not reely. My mum, who I live with, tries, but she is overbareing.. controlling.. she watches me while i take my medication like im 4.. surely its my choice if i take it or not? she doesnt let me out of her sight when im in the house.. but its not because i need her, its because she needs me.. when i told her that i was going to be looking for a flat with a friend, she was absolutely devastated.. (yes i know parents get upset when children fly the nest but she was never like that with my sister when she moved out.. maybe cos im the last one at home?). I have a cpn who just talks about herself.. and a psy who i see once every three months if im lucky.. was due to see him next wednesday but he cancelled. great.

so yeah.. support.. pass.

rach[saltsweatsugar] · 12-07-2007, 08:11 PM

ur awesome for being there for your friends
seriously. if they can turn to you with their problems it shows what a good friend and good person you are
your mum will just have to deal. its tough i guess, but its true.
u have the right to do your own thing and find a flat if thats what you want to do.
i think shes probably worried about you staying on the right track with taking ur pills and things if u leave
*hugs*