Dads yelling at me. He said he goesnt give a shit if im doing courseowrk. I have to play my flute/ If im doing cousework, its not good enough coz I have to play my flute. If im playing my flute, its not good enough coz I have courework
I work through every lunch and after school 3 nights a week. Hes had a go at me already today for not doing enough revision, yet, he rips the book out of my hands and kicks my courseworl when I do it. Hes just said im not good enough for him, my teachers, or my flute teacher. Mum says hes being unfair, but she wont talk to him, coz hes in a bad mood.
I want to cut. I think im going to. I want to go for a walk. I cant. Hes always yelling. Im crying and he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about the pressure on me, as long as I get a stars, its ok. If I get an a, he said "why not an a star" Then when I say its unfair, he laughs and says "I was only joking"
If im working through lunch, its too much. When im not, its not fucking enough. Im not allowe to talk to friend. he thinks they distract me. Meanwhile, my brother gets to spend all day ( literally, 7am til about half 10 pm) watching tv or on the computer doing whatever he wants
hunnyyyy...*huggles*
I knew something was wrong... ):
I'm on msn if you'd like to talk, okay?
Please don't hurt yourself, I know things seem really tough right now, but you can get through them. Just please don't give in, okay? The thing is...you ARE good enough. Your dad needs to give you a break, and I know its hard getting parents off your back, but have you spoken to him about it all? x x
its not just tonight. thursday. stayed at school til 5 doing cw. came home, had 20 mins, piano lesson. 2 secs after my lesson he starts yelling that im not working enough, and ive had all night to do it, even though ive only been home an hour
Okay, umm.. ): It's one of these situations where I don't know what to say ): Maybe speak to someone else about it? Mother? Brother? They could maybe help?
brother is 3 years younger. hates me tbh. Mum wont talk to dad when hes in a bad mood. Friends dont know im SI'ing still. they think i stopped in december
i cant. I tell her so much. Shes expecting me now. There isnt anything she can do, is there. ANything i say about SI goes to my head of year, who ahs to tell my parents
*huggles hunny*
She can try and make things easier for you?
Ahh yeah...the head of year ):
I hope things get better soon...
If you need to vent/chat/rant/anything...I'm here okay?
x x x x
No, and i dont want one. My friend has one, and everything she says gets discussed with her parents. ALso, dad said getting help would ruin my future career as amusic therapist. no one wants a therapist with problems
Well that's nonsense for a start.
Everything you say should be confidential, unless you say otherwise...
and umm, no one wants a therapist with problems?
Think again. Okay, so maybe they won't, but you'll get better, and then you can help people, and you'll have first hand experience of it too, so it'll help. Someone who I know is a councellor, and had problems in the past, but it didn't stop him from getting where he wanted to be
x x x x
Sweetie, that's really unfair of him. *HUGS* Could you possibly talk to him about how he is making you feel? If not is there anyone else you could talk to? && you aregood enough. xo.
No, and i dont want one. My friend has one, and everything she says gets discussed with her parents.
It doesn't have to. Counselling is MEANT to be strictly confidential, unless you're posing a risk to yourself or others. There's always NHS counsellors instead of school counsellors. It might be worth not being so closed minded about it, if you're having issues. I know I should have been more open to counselling at your age, seeing as they were probably the only people who would take me seriously.
Quote:
ALso, dad said getting help would ruin my future career as amusic therapist. no one wants a therapist with problems
This is absolute bullshit. If anything, going through the therapy process would help you in the future in developing your skills, by knowing what you would have done differently, what you thought went well, etc. They can't teach you everything in training. And surely even if you don't go, the problems will be there regardless? You don't need to be in therapy to "confirm" you have problems- they're more likely to be there if you don't get help.
And some of the best therapists are ones who have had problems themselves- it means they can relate to their clients/patients/whatever you want to call them.
I'm sorry if any of this sounds harsh. I know it's hard to be a teenager- I did 14 GCSEs + key skills, whilst doing grade exams in cello, recorder and music therory, and ballet. It's ALOT to have on your plate. I worked myself so hard I was physically ill from the stress. I had insomnia, and sometimes went a good few nights without sleeping, and went the day exhausted, and I was getting migraines every week. As well as having my parents on my tail if I wasn't "perfect" in their eyes. So yes, I know where you're coming from.
If anything, this is a time when you need friends most. Would it be possible to go to their houses and do some coursework together? That way you're out of reach of your parents, but still keeping them happy by doing work. Or you could say you're in the library diong work, and actually just go for a walk in the park or something. You need some "you" time when you're that busy, and getting back to nature is relaxing. Or just set out a night a week or fortnight or something and do something you want. Because getting ill over school is NOT worth it, and if anything, it's detrimental to the aim you were trying to achieve in the first place.
GCSEs aren't the end of the world, and when it's all over, nobody really cares if you got an A* or a C, so long as you passed. It's probably not what you want to hear, but just relax a little and look at the bigger picture. Now I'm at uni, nobody even cares about my A levels, let alone my GCSEs. After that, most people won't care what I got my degree in, it's the work experience that counts.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
