Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - I feel so hopeless.....

[double_trouble]

.....I dont know what to do, i feel stuck in a cycle of abuse (not being physically abused anymore) but with flashbacks and nightmares. I cant sleep, well am scared to sleep as the nightmares are so bad that i wake up crying and sweating. I relive painful memories daily and as i suffer with OCD as well, it causes my OCD to become worse.

I have a good psychiatric team, but at the moment, i feel so hopeless and suicidal, that i really dont feel i can open up and talk to them. They know so much about me, but as i have been slowly going back downhill (and i dont know what triggered it) i dont feel able to tell them how close i am to killing myself again. I dont want to let them down or make them feel that they are failing me as they arent.

I am sorry to go on, i just feel lost and i constantly think about suicide so i dont have to relive this abuse and my OCD symptoms which rule my life at the moment, nothing helps me anymore.

[recovery_is_possible_]

Aw Hun * Massive Hugs* im here if u ever wanna talk . Can u phone a crisis team or something ? Wish I could say more but I cant im here 4 u tho
X

[double_trouble]

i have tried to ring the local crisis team, but unfortunately, i know most of the crisis workers and dont get on with them. I have tried Samaritans as well, but i always seem to get a male supporter on the other end and i dont feel able to open up to a man.

[Popple]

*cuddles*
Sweetie they are there to help and they won't feel like they are failing you but if what they are doing now isn't working then if you are honest with them they can try something else.
I know its hard coping with flashbacks but if you work through what has happened it will get easier and you can come through this.

You might want to look at this thread at ways of coping with flashbacks and nightmares:

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ad.php?t=77244

If you need anything feel free to pm me love
Take care
x

[Popple]

Also if you phone samartians and get a man you can ask to speak to a woman love and they usually will do it
xx

[Katiee]

Hun, I'm sorry you're going through this right now. *HUGS*
I think you should tell your team, they won't feel like they've 'failed' you. They're there to help you, it's important you tell them how you feel so they can give you the right help and support. Take care, sweetie. xo.

[double_trouble]

thanks all. I am seeing my therapist tomoro so i will try my best to open up to her and tell her how i feel.