Holy f***

Steel Maiden · 15-03-2009, 03:25 AM

I'm sweating.
I just came out of the most messed up hallucination. I couldn't get out of it. I was spinning. I was stuck in the hallucination. I've never taken acid before but that's what it must be like. I was in a holographic world and I could control the parts that moved. But then I lost control. This all happened in my room. Its like I f*cking tripped out. I'm literally drenched in sweat. F*ck I'm scared sh*tless. I can't switch the light off. Its the most frightening hallucination I've ever had. I was in this computer program. I could zoom in and out. I could move certain elements. But then it went out of control. Everything was zooming past. Everything was getting too big. I had my eyes wide open throughout. The monsters came. Oh my god I'm petrified. Need water. Sh*t too scared to leave my room. Don't know what's behind it.

Sleepless123 · 15-03-2009, 03:30 AM

Steel hun that sounds terrible *hugs*

Hun i know this must be really difficult but do you think you could take a few deep breathes [spelling?] and try and calm down.

Its ok.Your safe hun.Its not happening now.Try to ground yourself.

Is there anyone you can ring?Like the crisis line?Or wake your Mum or something? x

Steel Maiden · 15-03-2009, 03:36 AM

Ty. I can't call anyone atm but I'll lie in my bed with the light on. If I could take my meds I would take a double dose of Haloperidol. Sorry to keep you awake.

Steel Maiden · 15-03-2009, 03:37 AM

Ty. I can't call anyone atm but I'll lie in my bed with the light on. If I could take my meds I would take a double dose of Haloperidol. Sorry to keep you awake. I've calmed down a bit now but I'm still shaking a bit.

Sleepless123 · 15-03-2009, 03:46 AM

You arent keeping me awake.i wont sleep i doubt.

Steel maybe you have to take your meds?Maybe thats why things are getting worse?Cos you arent taking them?

i dont know but just a thought.

Maybe you should take them and not come off them at least until you can speak to your psych.

You dont wanna get worse!

i know this must be very difficult for you but try and stay calm hun and remember you are safe now.

Steel Maiden · 15-03-2009, 09:07 AM

I would take my meds but they're poisoned. I'm sorry I'm being so difficult. Aaa I hate being f*cking schizophrenic. After that experience I hallucinated that my formteacher from my old school called me and I was talking to him...CRAP. I also vomited again this morning (I vomited yesterday morning as well)...I've lost quite a bit of weight without meaning to...why is everything going wrong for me?

Ami · 15-03-2009, 10:10 AM

Hiya steel, im sorry you had to go through that. Could you try distracting yourself, play a game or do something to take youre mind off it for a bit?

Or if you need to calm down a bit, put some relaxing music on/do some breathing exercises/ whatever works???

Do you know why you're being sick?

Sorry im not much use, but its early morning ;)
take care x

Steel Maiden · 15-03-2009, 11:24 AM

Mum says I might have gastric flu. I'm just lying in my bed (I'm using my mobile for the internet) groaning. The hallucination drained me. I'll just go to sleep. I'll play Tetris when I can sit upright without feeling dizzy. Thanks guys, you're wonderful. I threw my pills in the bin =[ I'll try and call my psych tomorrow...

jesslove · 15-03-2009, 11:30 AM

aww steel,
im sorry its so hard for you right now. I'll be thinking of you, im always just a PM away,
please try and call your psych tomorrow?
take care <3

sherlock holmes · 15-03-2009, 11:52 AM

You've suddenly stopped taking all of your medication havent you? This is probably a reaction to that.

16-03-2009, 12:09 AM

i'm sorry. that sounds scary. i get freaked out when i just hallucinate and hear my name out loud. so i can't imagine what visual hallucinations would be like.

can you call crisis? i don't know how the uk works, but maybe they could get you some emergency pills? it sounds you really need them right now. so try and get help.

never hesitate to pm if you need to talk or get through a rough time. *hugs*

Katiee · 16-03-2009, 12:39 AM

Hun, that sounded really scary.
Are you alright now though? Take care. xo.

Steel Maiden · 17-03-2009, 09:28 AM

I'm a bit better now.

I took a half dose last night because my Mum force me. So if I die, its because of those poisoned pills.

Have been suffering with gastric flu.

Still am completely drained.

Thanks guys.

I am seeing my psych on Friday.

I can't type much more...feel too physically weak from being ill.

Will post later properly.

Thanks again.

17-03-2009, 05:56 PM

having the flu can make your symptoms worse and have your body stressed. so such a hallucination may never happened again.

i'm sure your pills aren't poisoned. try and believe your mom. the voices will lie to you about such a thing. she won't. *hugs*

Steel Maiden · 17-03-2009, 08:12 PM

It was a very vivid hallucination, not like the normal seeing the Mindreaders walking along the other side of the street, which is a lot more passive. I was in the middle of that hallucination.

I think that the flu worsened my symptoms, peace>x<reptiles.

I'm trying to use Logic and Logic is saying They can't poison my pills...so I'm taking them, but only half dose...

I'm still scared. The Voices are shouting so loud I can't study, I can't do anything serious. They are telling me to hurt my Mum while she's asleep...I won't say exactly what because I don't want to tipshare, but its bad.

I don't feel safe at all. My head is spinning. I can't see. Every breath feels like I'm inhaling smoke. I hurt myself.

The Voices are screaming...I want peace but there is no such thing.

Marko · 17-03-2009, 10:58 PM

Just wanted to say I know what your going thru, it sucks more than a really really sucky thing.

*hugs*

Steel Maiden · 20-03-2009, 11:44 PM

Thanks Marko. I think lack of sleep didn't help.