Triggering (SI/Suicide) - I can't do this life anymore

[release-me]

I am am so sick of all this. I keep disassociating all the time everyday, it scares me, and its just plain horrible. I am getting help but nothing ever changes. I got help last summer, thought I was ok but I'm not. Because nothing goes away. I am stuck with this life I have now come to realise. I want everyone to stop trying to help me, because they are their wasting time on me. I'm a lost cause. I want them to devote their time to more deserving people. I don't deserve their help, their efforts. I am evil.
I just want to cut and rip myself to shreds. Death is the only way out of this pain. No therapy can ever change what I will have to live through in my life. I have no strength left in me. If people knew who I really was, they would run a mile. No one ever understands me, and maybe I don't want them to,for their sake.
Why did I post this? Because I am just exasperated and somehow I feel when I write on here, I tell the world and myself.
This is how I am, this is what I feel.

[Chloe.]

-hug-
I'm sorry you feel this way. You're not evil. Everyone deserves a chance and happiness. People will never understand, but they'll try. Pm me if you need anything.

[Katiee]

Heyy,
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. *HUGS* I'm sure you're none of those things you listed. Just take one day at a time. Things will get better. I know what it's like to think death is the only way out, but it's not, honest. You can get through this. You do deserve help, even if you don't feel like you should. There is other things you can do to get better and get help, it's not all just therapy. I think you should talk to your doctor what other help is available for you. Please, talk to someone about how you're feeling. Take care, sweetie. We're always here. xx

[Cazki]

*Hugs* Im sorry for the way your feeling. Please dont give up or end your life. Suicide isnt the answer, you can get through this. I know what its like to feel that suicide is the only way out and that your better dead but thats not true at all. Your not better dead. Do you have proffessional support? If not then could you make an appointment with your doctor to talk about things?

You really need to talk to someone about things so that they can help you, but please dont keep everything inside you as that will only make things worse. Stay strong, things will get better, i know what its like to feel that they wont get better, but please trust me when i say they will,things wont be like this forever. There are lots of people who care about you and they would be really upset if you ended your life. Keep safe.

Take care best wishes Ian