some people are really exhausting me. they are coming on to chat, and saying that they have od'd aand stuff, which i am taking as they have said that to aquire some help. then u try and try to help them give them ways in which to help themselves, e.g going to a&e and then they refuse to help themselves. at the end of the day people should not be sending messages which are worrying to other members if they dont want tehy help, in my opinion. is anyone else having similar issues or is it just me and what is the appropriate action? at the end of the day ub can report to mods but how long is it going to be before they pick up the message? as ive noticed it can take a while and that makes the situation worse because by the time someone gets to the person they could be dead, sorry for being blunt but its honest. also wondering if there is a shortage of mods? and if there is can i do anything to help?
lxxx
If people do post things like that, log it and report it. However at the end of the day RYL cannot be responsible for members personal safety. It's simply not possible. If people dont want to get help its down to them, foolish though that might be.
i get what everyone is saying it is very unusual for me to get this way. im here because i need to try and help others out as much as possible i just think i owe it after all the support others have given me over the years. it also makes me feel better alot of the time for some strange reason, also with being a student nurse i have a good knowlege on things. i take in your advice and will put it too good use thanks for responses.
thanks, morrigan,
ive been thiking it over maybe this was a step of learning and realisation of the fact you cant help everyone.
the thing i didnt get tho was they said they had done it but didnt want to disscus it or even let me support them but at the end of the day cant help everyone.
allways here to help
xxxl
Last edited by typsee : 13-03-2009 at 01:07 AM.
Reason: will PM you about the edit
As Irene (Morrigan) said, developing a detachment seems to happen and it really helps. Sadly, most people also end up assuming most people aren't in the state they claim their in or are exaggerating or lying. Cynical.
But, really, at least letting us (the chat mods) know of these people and what they're doing, especially if there is some sort of a pattern to their behavior, helps us try to curb their behavior. We want people to get support but we do not want it to happen at the expense of those trying to support the person.
Be careful with getting emotionally involved. Distance is something that is needed to maintain your personal safety.
i still bleed for u ... i just wanted to clarify one small aspect of your post ....
In a situation where you are talking to a member who has ODed but the member is refusing to take your advice on getting to A&E, or calling an ambulance for themselves ... then even if a moderator could be reached by you IMMEDIATELY in response to this situation, there is still not much more that a moderator could do in order to get this member help, any more than you could.
Occasionally, the mods have helped in situations like this by contacting other RYL members who may know a suicidal member's contact details, such as their phone number or address, and the mods have helped organise for an ambulance to be sent around to the person's house ..... but still, this is NOT something the mods would do lightly .... and also, mods dont have any more abilities to find out real names, phone numbers, and addresses of RYL members than any ordinary RYL member has! .... and even if we did, the moderating team would still be extremely cautious about going against a member's expressed wishes, and betraying their trust and anonymity at RYL - even if it was a life-threatening situation!
That's not saying that we WOULDNT use any special mod powers (if they existed! - which they definifely DONT!) in order to work out where an RYL member lived, and then go against that member's wishes in order to get them some life-saving treatment .... But this is definitely not something we'd do lightly, because for each member we may manage to save by betraying their anonymity at RYL and finding out where they lived, then we'd have hundreds of other RYL members who would no longer trust the mods or the RYL website to be a place where they can reveal their deepest secrets, and get help and support for themselves.
I know I've gone off on a bit of a tangent here, but I thought it was important to be said as I know that its quite a common misconception here at RYL that in the case of a life-threatening situation where an RYL member is refusing to get help for themselves, that a moderator will be able to do something that an ordinary RYL member cant do ... because truth of the matter is that mods have no special powers that help us find out where our members live, or even what their real names are .... and even if we did, we'd be very reluctant to use them for the reason I mentioned in my previous paragraph.
But in saying this, contacting a moderator about these sorts of situations CAN be helpful, in that a mod can definitely talk to those members who have a pattern of repeatedly worrying other members by saying that they've taken an serious OD / cut themselves / are about to commit suicide etc, but who absolutely REFUSE to listen to anyone's advice to call an ambulance or get themselves some medical/professional help.
So the mods definitely do agree that members who come into chat, or post on the forums, about a life-threatening emergency situation that they are in, but who dont have any intention of allowing others to help them, is a situation that we DONT want to see occurring on RYL - which is why its against our RYL rules! (see the 'Please do not make suicide threats or 'goodbye notes' rule) ..... so if this is a problem, then its best to either save a chatlog and email the chatmods about it ... or send a post report to the thread if its on the forums.
so when i last night sent a message to mods where were they????????????
my point exactly i then sent a second msg telling them that i had to call police where were they then????
Mods do have lives outside of RYL,im sorry your message didnt get dealt with straight away,but its ridiculous to put the blame solely on the moderators shoulders here.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I also want to remind everyone that in the First Aid forum there is a sticky with a list of helpful phone numbers. These numbers include the NHS numbers, and poison control numbers for several countries. If someone does not want to call for an ambulance, they can call one of these numbers and get qualified advice.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Well. These situations sure aren't pleasant, but as things are how typsee explained - what would you have us do?
Not aimed at you in particular, as this sort of situation has come up a few times, but it does seem as though a lot of people have the wrong idea of what mods can do, or what they're even there for. We're neither trained supporters, nor do we have contact details of members apart from what they choose to hand out on here.
So... when something like that occurs in chat, what we can do, basically, is to try and calm people down, make sure chat is kept safe (insofar as triggering others is concerned, for example) and encourage the member in question to seek medical help. When it's someone who threatens to end their life on a regular basis - it has happened - or continuously upsets others, more measures will be taken... but that still doesn't grant us special powers.
Yes, it's unfortunate that mods cannot be there 24/7 - but as Liv said, they do have lives, and I for one still haven't got rid of that annoying urge to sleep occasionally, which is actually what I was doing when you sent your message, I believe.
I think good points have been made about trying to stay detached until you know the person a bit better, and the list of useful phone numbers in the First Aid forum is priceless.
Face your life
Its pain, its pleasure
Leave no path untaken
put on your magic cape, fly to the home of the person in distress (you do have a database of the name, phone number, address and shoe size of every RYL member right?), slap said member around the face, perfrom medical miracles if needed, make sure theyre stable, do their hoovering whilst your there, just cos its a nice thing to do.
fly home, cook yourself some dinner, do your homework, feed the cat, walk the dog, have a shower, go to bed.
sorry attention seeking!!!! that is totally uncalled for. u should never look at someone as attention seeking how would u feel if someone thought that of u????? at the end of the day i understand that mods have lives tooo but when u look at it there is like 4 on at once then none. there should be a scheldual that ensures theres someone here at all times, after all you are trying to run a help website. and my point exactly this site is going down the plug hole at the moment because of things like that situation, people tip sharing, people telling others to do what they want not even doing what we are all here to do and that is to help one and other i think its time people put there minds in to helping not dissing and also the chat mods should certainly pay more attention to what is going on or other wise everybody from the site will have to live with the fact someone is dead because of poor running
sorry to say it but this is where its going
i do have a suggestion when people sign up you should ask them for some details eg postal or zip code so at least when someone does try to kill themelves the police and ambulance stand a better chance of finding them
Suggestion. Use good grammar and punctuation and then people might read your posts.
& someone is dead because of poor running? What are you on?
If someone commits suicide, as sad as it is, you can't blame the mods on this forum for it. If a mod went up to a member and gave them X or Y then maybe. Someone killing themselves is nobody's fault but their own. Sorry to say, but it's true. Circumstances around them may make them feel like suicide is the only option, but they are the only ones who finally commit the act.
The chat mods here aren't professionals, they're volunteers who do a bloody good job with the resources they have.
Maybe we should just shut the whole of RYL down just in case someone kills themselves.
It is only a website and there is only so much anyone can do. People are here because to get and give support not go about saving peoples lives if they do then yes its a good thing but I think its too much to expect of anyone on here. People need to learn that one day you will have to take responsibility for yourself and there aren't always going to be people to bend over backwards for you.
If this place is so bad well noone is forced to be here. Its a choice and I think people forget that sometimes..
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
sorry attention seeking!!!! that is totally uncalled for. u should never look at someone as attention seeking how would u feel if someone thought that of u????? Some people at RYL do attention seek, I think a lot of people (myself included) look for attention every now and again, its not necessarily a bad thing.
at the end of the day i understand that mods have lives tooo but when u look at it there is like 4 on at once then none. there should be a scheldual that ensures theres someone here at all times, after all you are trying to run a help website. Yes the key word is TRYING. Its impossible to have a schedule,what if something happens in real life and someone cant get on?The mods come onto RYL when they can and do what they can when they are here. This is done voluntarily its not a business. If I had to come home from work and have RYL be like my work,id leave the mods asap.
and my point exactly this site is going down the plug hole at the moment because of things like that situation, people tip sharing, people telling others to do what they want not even doing what we are all here to do and that is to help one and other i think its time people put there minds in to helping not dissing Thats not why this site is 'going down the plughole' which I actually dont believe anyway. In chat you cant stop people from saying what you want. After theyve said it,mods can freeze/kick etc, but the chat mods are NOT mind readers, if someone comes in and says 'you can cut yourself with X' then the mods can get involved,but the damage is done and that cant change!You say were all here to do help each other, but you seem to be solely blaming this on the chat mods,which is ridiculous. Everyone has free will, if you support someone for an hour and they still just say the same thing, sometimes you just want to say.....well fine, do what you want. Its emotional people talking to other emotional people, of course tempers will flare.
also the chat mods should certainly pay more attention to what is going on or other wise everybody from the site will have to live with the fact someone is dead because of poor running Im sorry but this is an absolutely horrible statement to make and I cant believe youre actually saying youd blame the mods if someone died!What gives you the right to say that?!The chat mods DO pay attention, but heaven forbid they walk away for a minute. If someone kills themselves its THEIR fault, NOT the members of this sites fault and Im actually really disgusted that you would say that :/
sorry to say it but this is where its going
i do have a suggestion when people sign up you should ask them for some details eg postal or zip code so at least when someone does try to kill themelves the police and ambulance stand a better chance of finding them What if someone wants to stay Anon, if I OD'd I wouldnt want some random person from here calling an ambulance, it would be my decision. Its not our job to call ambulances and run around after members, Im sorry, but thats a very skewed view.All we can do is support people,you cant force people to get help.
/rant.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
