Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - Having a complete breakdown
Hi,
Im sorry I just dont know where else to go, I have spent the last 2days crying , i cant go longer than 10 mins without bursting in2 tears!
Basically, my CPN was off for 4months because of illness and it was a struggle but i got there and now shes backs shes only part time so she couldnt see me once a week as before, i could cope with that, i knew it wouldnt last for ever, but now it seems 2people in the team are leaving and shes been given some of there case load, and so she is not seeing people more than 2/3weeks.
At the moment things are horrific my flashbacks are alful im worried about my little sister, shes having a hard time at the moment. I came off my meds at christmas and im now having to try and cope without anything in my system, all im doing is crying. I cut today, i havnt cut in 3weeks, my cutting was getting further away but at the moment I have no idea what to do.
My cpn is fantastic and i understand none of this is her fault atall, shes doing all she can. The thing is right now i need more support, im considering dropping out of uni as I just dont feel well enough and have already missed 2 essay deadlines and failed another because I can barely leave the house at the moment, or whatever I am righting I cant concentrate before what happened comes back to me or I just end up crying for no apparent reason ,I just cant cope, I cant I cant I cant cope... *cries*
all i want is my flashbacks to stop being just stuck in my head, i want to be able to talk them out and I no i can do that with my cpn, what i cant do is say something one week and ahve to live with the inbetween for up to 3weeks!
I dont no what im asking for in this post I dont even no the point of it, all i no is im spending all of my days crying at the moment, i feel completly un supported ( through no fault of my cpn ) and I just need help, or this is going to end very badly xx
' Your always going to have the hurt, you may as well use it'
'Writing can be a way of righting any wrongs that have been done to you'
'Scars tell a story of where u have been, but they dont have to dictate where u are going'
I would suggest defering uni, at least that way you havent left entirely and can come back when you get your life back under control.
If you want to talk my pm box is always open, or msn or aim. I know I'm not the same as you CPN but at least you can talk things through, maybe get a second opinions or even just to rant.
Hii,
I'm sorry to hear how much you're struggling right now. *HUGS*
Is there anyone else you could get support from? Maybe go to your GP? Could you be put on your meds again? Please try and not cut if you can seeming as this won't help. Keep youself busy when you have the urge. If the time off uni will do you good then go for it. :) Take care, hun. xx
Hey well done for writing this really.i know you and i know how brave this will have been for you to write.Well done.Its a massive step.im sorry you cut.i know youve been trying not to but you can get through this.Have you told the CPN what you did, does the cut need medical attention and how you are feeling about the level of support that you are receiving?i know its not her fault.And you can just say to her like you have said it here, you have put it really well - im sure she will understand.And she wants you alive Rach.We all do.
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
hey all thanks for your replies, have been away for a few days 2try and clear my head, it has helped a bit, I did try to ring my CPN thursday- she was off sick, and then friday i rang and apparently CMHT was closed 4 the day...?? thanks 4 the notice!!! and i dnt understand how they can just close! but I will try again tomorow xx
' Your always going to have the hurt, you may as well use it'
'Writing can be a way of righting any wrongs that have been done to you'
'Scars tell a story of where u have been, but they dont have to dictate where u are going'
its complicated shes doesnt like her mums boyfriend hes alrite he doesnt do anything 2 hurt either of them, but they argue alot and shes just a kid and hes like another kid her mum complete supports him monie wise, they have split but hes always around anyway and shes scared there gettin bk 2 gether, its complicated we lost our middle sister around 2years ago after she committed suicide, shes been through so much it kills me to see her unhappy atall i just want to make it all ok
' Your always going to have the hurt, you may as well use it'
'Writing can be a way of righting any wrongs that have been done to you'
'Scars tell a story of where u have been, but they dont have to dictate where u are going'
Your such a caring person hun.This must be so hard.Hugs.It sounds like everythings just coming at once and you could do with more support.Hugs.Does your little sister know your worried about her?im sure she knows how much you care sweetie, im sure she knows your there for her.She is lucky to have you.And im sure she knows you are/will do all you can to help and that will mean a lot.Please remember to try and look after yourself too though!Dont forget you in all this.Your important too.
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
i'm sorry. you definitely do need to keep talking about this. is your little sister getting counseling? she may be going through depression herself and need someone to help her through this.
no 2bh with u she has never wanted it and its nothin 2 do with our sister its just shes had so much to contend with ,it what makes him still being around hard on her, I dont live there so she skinda on her own, she is such an amazin kid, and i just dnt think its fair, i understand her mums point of view that shes lonely ect and her boyfriend would never do anything 2 hurt them and would do anything for them, but its makin the little one so unhappy im torn. thanks 4 what u said kath its sweet xx
' Your always going to have the hurt, you may as well use it'
'Writing can be a way of righting any wrongs that have been done to you'
'Scars tell a story of where u have been, but they dont have to dictate where u are going'
