Triggering (Suicide) - all i can tihnk of?

red.rain · 11-03-2009, 10:27 PM

suicide.
it's all i can think of.
all i can think of is when, how, and why i want to kill myself.
i know that's a really bad thing.
but i know life is not made for me.
it's way too much for me to handle.
no one understands.
no one tries to help.
maybe one day they will realize that they should have took the warning signs.
but i can't force them to believe me.
some say i would never do that to myself.
but they are sadly mistaken.
i really want to cut.
i want to cut so deep.
i can't take it anymore.
i have no idea why i'm writing this.
i'm just writing whatever pops into my mind.
this life is so stupid.
why won't the counselor listen?
why won't he notice the warning signs?
all i really want is for him to care.
for him to know that i need help and that i'm not okay.
why can't he do those really simple things?
i don't understand it.

sorry i'm wasting space and your time.
this will be my last.
i'm really sorry.

nikki1922 · 11-03-2009, 10:43 PM

hey Kayla..

I have been reading most of your posts and just putting it all together.. I get the feeling that you want someone to care, to see you and help you !! I think we all want that. I am asumming you want someone to tell you on RYL how to get that help and how to get that .. But i do not know either. I think it comes with time and pactince. Pleease Ramble/Vent on it really does help. I don't know what else to offer you besides, many of us RYL are in the same boat ( as I am) and we all want someone to drain the water and save us , but maybe no one really can .. Sorry my ramble now.. But I also offer my PM box to you ! Please send me one, I think you need some support at this time ... !! Take care please... Maybe we will both surive in the end if this battle.!!!

Love
Nicole

Katiee · 12-03-2009, 12:59 AM

Hiii sweet,
If your counsellor doesn't help you then could you find another who does? Please don't cut/commit suicide, it won't help or make anything better. Try and focus on something else. You're not wasting space, we're here for you. Please talk to someone about how much your struggling. Maybe a family member?, GP?, ect. *HUGS* Take care, hun. xx

red.rain · 12-03-2009, 03:35 AM

Thanks. My school has this anonymous communication program. I'm trying talking to someone on there. I sent the assistant principal a message and he seems to be willing to help. I just can't tell him I'm suicidal cause that would turn out bad and leave me stranded in the office for several hours explaining everything. So ya..I'm trying.
But I'm still very suicidal.
No one (that I talk to in person) knows about this either..not sure if that's good or bad..:S :S :S :S

tamobhuuta · 13-03-2009, 10:49 PM

i think it would be for the best if soemone in real life knew how you're feeling. though i think you're right to be wary of who to tell, you don't want a bad reactoin if you can avoid it.

red.rain · 14-03-2009, 04:34 AM

yeah. you are right. i do think that someone needs to know so i can get the help i need. i'm dropping subtle hints, but no one seems to be getting. how can i say it without saying it?