Triggering (SI/Suicide) - what is wrong with me???

[just_different]

Why the **** is this happening to me???
I hate myself so much
What am I doing wrong???
I don’t understand why do they hate me so much???
I just want to die
I think I should just do it, get over it and kill myself. I’m trying so hard but nothing is getting better.
They tell me things will get better it will all be ok in the end, but how long will that take? I don’t know how much longer I can wait.
I don’t want to wait anymore.
I want to give up, so why haven’t I?? Because people keep promising me things will get better and I believed them.
Now though I don’t want to lie to myself, I don’t think things will get better.
Even the professionals are telling me I’m always going to feel like this. So why bother??
They said I’m always going to feel like this I’ve just got to learn how to cope, but I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t care if I can cope with it if I feel like this what’s the point???
I don’t know what to do!! I’m so lost at the moment.
I just don’t want to wait anymore.
I just want to give up.
I need to cry but I can’t, so instead I cut myself.
I’m so scared.
and im really sorry for being a pain :S

[Katiee]

Hii,
You're not a pain. *HUGS*
Listen, things do and will get better. It took four years before things got better for me. Please don't kill yourself, people will miss you. There are people you can help you hun. Try and relax yourself, go for a bath, watch TV ect ect, but don't cut it doesn't help. You won't always feel like this, that's what I thought... but it's not true. You can fight this. Please talk to someone about how you're feeling. Take care, sweet. We're always here for you. xxx

[Harmless_Baby]

Im really feeling your pain at the moment, as my CPN had told me the same thing, only a couple of weeks ago x
I kept going round & round in circles in my mind. Thinking about it.
I kept telling myself I wanted to prove her wrong! To show her that it's not always going to be like this, that things aren't going to be this way forever!
So Ive decided to grab myself a passport, an once i pass this qualifcation in Hairdressing, to go faraway as Aussie-land & to run away to there! Because just maybe, no matter what the CPN had to say about how she THINKS I will always be like - that if I ran to Aussie & formed a new life out there - things will be totally different!
Big Hugs x x x x

[just_different]

I don't know how much longer i can cope with this though
I can't wait much longer
i don't want to live anymore
i don't have the will to try anymore
i don't want to do anything
today i didn't even feel like going to sort out my horse, obviously i did because i would never leave her. but she is my life i should want to go up there. That is my escape but im not enjoying it .

i really can't do this
i think im at a dead end
i dont have anything to live for.

i want so badly to ring my friend but i can't.

im so so close to giving up
i want to cry so badly but i cant

i am feeling so down i am making myself ill.
i dont want to eat
i dont want to move
i just want to stay in bed
maybe if i stay in bed long enough i might be lucky enough not to wake up.

i just dont know what to do now
i know what i want to do
but i promised my friend i wouldnt without talking to her first
and i cant ring her at the moment.

somebody help me please
i think i need a miricle

[just_different]

**** my mum just came in and she's seen marks on my arms and legs :s and their new :(

dont know what to do now.
everything is going wrong.

[Cazki]

*Hugs* Im very sorry that your having such a difficult and painful time. I do know where your coming from when you say that you feel things will never get better and that you will always be how you are now. When i was younger i used to think all the time that things would never get better i was in a rut for ages but things did get better and things will get better for you to. There were times when i wished i wasnt alive but im pleased to say that im glad im alive today.

Please dont give up, dont end your life there are so many people that care about you who would be very upset if anything happened to you. Please keep fighting through this, im confident that one day you will be pleased to be alive and that you will be glad you didnt end your life. Do you have any support? Do you want to talk to us about what it is thats making you feel this way? Please dont cut yourself it will only make things worse and could lead to there problems. Please stay safe. Im here for you.

Take care all the best Ian

[just_different]

Hi thank you for your help.

I did end up cutting last night i couldn't cope i wanted to do worse but managed not to.

I dont understand why people can't keep themselves to themselves though. im really getting down with people keep stickin their noses in where theyre not wanted.

im really confused as what to do.
Ive messed up college big time.
there is no point in me being alive :(