Triggering (SI/OD) - everythings way to hard *trigger suicide to possably*

[angel of despair]

i cant do this anymore. i feel so depressed. i keep taking ods and cutting i cant control it anymore. i just wanna take another od iv got enough meds to end my life rite now its pretty tempting. sorry if thsi is making no sense all mmy thoughts are all messed up. i havingr seen my phyke for about 2 month i just dont turn up dont go to school either. and i cant concenttrate on anything. i spend way to much time in bed i just dont have the energy to get up anymore. sometimes i dont even have the energy to get up and cut. urghh i hate this

[Sometimes Crazy]

I really can relate to what you're expressing here. Has anything triggered off these feelings of desperation and depression? Could you write it down for us, even just using single words? If you feel really in danger, could you see an on-duty psychiatrist at A+E/ER?

Well done for reaching out, honey, we're all here for you.

[angel of despair]

i dunno i just been gradually feeling worse and worse. was in hospital couple of weeks ago for an od it wasnt nice so i dont wanna tell anyone im still oding incase they think i ned to go to hospital. i think my problems with a stalker and school mite of triggered it im not sure. just wish i could die but i promised a couple of friends i wouldnt

[Popple]

You need to tell someone love any od is dangerous and needs treating even if you can't see the effects you need to get checked out.
I know its scary but people cannot help what they don't know and you need help but you have to be honest with them and they should put some support in place to help you.
Take care of yourself
x

[angel of despair]

i dont care about the danger. i just want to destroy my body. and i cant tell anyone the look of anger and disapointmenton on their face itd be to much.

[Popple]

They wouldnt be angry or disappointed they would be worried people care and don't like to see people they care about hurting and sometimes that doesn't come out the way they want but that doesn't mean they are really angry.
You really need to get help but only you can do that and at the end of the day it is up to you. You make your own decisions in life and theres only so much other people can do.
Take care
x

[angel of despair]

last time i told someone i ended upsetting some friends and my parents were very annoyed. yeah thts why i keep trying to stop cos it hurts people. but i cant stop for long. thanks x

[Dreaming.]

Okay - firstly, as much as you feel you aren't, you are in control. This is something, an illness, that has manifested in your body. You are in control, and you can beat this, and get past this.

You know something is wrong - and for all you say that you want to die, that you hate yourself, you made this post, you found this website - so a little part of you does want to recover, or to get past this.

'Recovery' can often be seen as a big, scary word - why not focus on the day-to-day things. Instead of being worked up that you haven't been to school for x long, you haven't seen your psych for x long - focus on what you can do now. Make an aim to spend a certain amount of hours out of bed. Try to get some routine in place. Routine and work can do wonders for depression - as much as anything else, it takes the focus away from the ill things you're thinking at the moment. Take it on a day-to-day basis, don't aim for miracles - you have to walk before you can run. Aim to get out of bed tomorrow and do something productive, something meaningful.

You can beat this, and you can stop for as long as you want to, if you focus on it enough.
x

[Popple]

I am sure they would rather you get the help you need than not because if you don't you could end up dead which would hurt them even more.

[angel of despair]

I have alot of trouble sticking to routines thats one the reason iv always found school hard. but thanks i will try your advice. i just been trying to do some of my coursework, which i wasnt even going to bother doing. I do want to recover i apsolutly hate feeling like this but it seems inpossable, sometimes (well most of the time) it seems it wont ever go, and oding and self harming does seem to help. make things more managable. Iv told my gp and phyke in the past about the oding, the gp over reacted and the phyke just didnt care.. so i dunno who to tell..