Triggering (SI/OD) - sorry im just a huge **** up.

Im so fuking mad i just hate it i hate me.......
I hate that people promis me things and break them, people tell me they will be there and **** off, twice in the past five month
two times two people have left me.
I cant explain how im feeling. i cant sleep, but im tired, i cant hardley talk its just a mess. i hate writting and explaining to people why im not mailing them back at the moment
i hate going out i hate it i dont know why i just do
i have no one at all my youth worker that who i have but thats not what i mean i need a friend a friend who wont leave me and promise things that they break, im so fed up of this life and crap and being told eat this do this go there dont do that dont be stupid SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe i dont wanna maybe its too much if i do maybe i just cant........
i have my counselling next tuesday i havnt been since january the 6th cause my apps are so far apart i'm nervous more than the first one, i hav a r app with my youth worker on friday, im so scared about it all i dont know what to say i prob wont say anything i cant im stuck in a big whole cant get out so upset i cant do this i told my y/w how i feel abotu s.h and o.d and things like that and now shes all ill try rescue you when you cant!!!!! i cant do this im so stuck.

[sherlock holmes]

How about writing stuff down ready for your appointment? That can really help. You could even print off what you wrote here. That way you wont forget anything you want to say.

[l'il esky]

hey dont have much advice cos im feelign pretty much the same.

just wanted to send hugs and let you know i care xx

thanks for the replys, i got put on a/d's prozep flouxetine, it sucks!i wrote some things down but she asked alot of flippin questions, and told me on these meds i will prob get worse before i get better, at this point i cant see things gettin any worse without me not bein here, but ill give it a try, its not taking any effect as yet anyway...
[=

[Katiee]

Hun, I'm sorry you're going through this right now and feel like this.
I don't know what to say or what advice to give apart from talk to your counsellor about this when you see him/her next tuesday. Take care, we're always here. xo.

[l'il esky]

hey hun,

i was put on fluoexetine,(for awhile-i was taken off for other side effects) it usually takes about 2-4weeks before you notice any positive effects

try keeping a diary so you monitor the changes, cos it is difficult to notice any good as we tend to focus on the negative and that is what we remember but by keeping a diary you can monitor these changes.......even if its as small as (eg) i woke up and washed my hair and got dressed rather than sit in pj's all day

take care, sometimes it can take a little time to get the right med but you will get there. remember it is not a miracle cure but if you get the right one it can make you able to deal with these things

always around for a pm, if you ever need a chat/moan/rant etc xxx

thank you!
x