[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']Hi Everyone[/font]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif'][/font]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']I just wrote this in the introductions section but I didn't know this forum existed and it seemed the appropriate place for me to be as I'm 25 and guess this felt somewhere I could post this and be me!
Wow, I'm nervous as hell about this!
Previously in my life I battled with self harm for over 8 years and eventually overcame it.
Events in my life recently have meant stress has become a large factor and my coping limits have been stretched to bursting. When I got over this 3 years ago, I didn't ask for any help be it medical or personal and am beginning to worry I masked the effects instead of dealing with the cause.
Because now at 25, just about to become 26....here I am again.
Self harm was never about wanting to end anything for me, it was self preservation at a time I had no other way to cope.
Now that my life has been filled with hurt again, I found myself reaching for an old comfort system, an old friend, simply because I had no clue how else to cope. I haven't told my friends, I'm not sure they'd be able to handle it and a big part of me wants to protect them from something that's eating away at me from the inside, out.
My job is as stressful as it comes and invovles supporting people in 24 hour caring roles. I can't be back here.
I need to be strong for them.
Guess the end line of it all is...I'm scared and here seemed somewhere it's ok to say that.
I also want anyone who reads this to know it's more than ok to say that to me to. I work in a caring, listening role and it's something I'm passionate about so please, if anyone needs to talk - you have my word I am 100% unshockable and I care, a lot.
It seems that we are all very good at hiding behind our masks. Yes it allows us to carry on our lives but underneath our past and our troubles are stewing and eating away at us.
Maybe it would be a good idea to seek help, either seeing your doctor or counselling. It does sound altough you could do with some extra support right now.
yes i agree with grace but you are safe here to express how you are feeling we wont judge you or say nasty things to youwe welcome you with open arms .
free spirit
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Ark, since you spend your life taking care of others, let this be the place where you can take care of yourself. Where you can learn how to take care of yourself.
Welcome to RYL vets.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Ark, since you spend your life taking care of others, let this be the place where you can take care of yourself. Where you can learn how to take care of yourself.
Welcome to RYL vets.
She took the words right outta my mouth.
We're all in the same game;
Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell;
Just different demons.
Thank you so much to everyone who has replied.
I hardly know where to begin, your kindness is so very much appreciated and brings a lot of comfort with it.
I guess what I'm struggling with is the thought of fighting this all again.
I fought for 8 years and it's not a lifetime, but the last few yards took everything. I had to use everything in me to get the better of SH and the thought it may be back......I have nothing left.
Talking about this to family is not an option. They believe and accept only a perfect world and pain and hurt are all shut out or forced away.
I find myself thinking more and more about how SH used to help blinker my world, acknowledge the pain without having to show it.
My job sees me covered with scars on a daily basis so hiding it is not so much a problem....and that scares me.
I'm on my own and that terrifies me.
I don't know what to do because once I give in just the one time, I'm afraid there'll be no turning back because I have no fight left in me!!
But how else do I forget?
How else do I walk my life without crumbling completely?
Do I sound really stupid?
Just wanted to thank you all for the hugs and genuine care and support you have shown me in reply to my post.
I'm afraid I can't say much more at the minute as am struggling badly and haven't the strength to fight the tears today.
Just wanted you to know you've made a real difference welcoming me here so warmly and if I can ever do the same for any of you, you have only to say the word.
I'm sorry, this reply doesn't do justice to how grateful I feel but I'm don't want to just explode and let everything that's inside me pour out into a huge mess on screen! Today is the worst it has been and I have no idea how to handle it..
Thank you once again to all
x
Candy Tetris
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Mumu
