Triggering (SI/Suicide) - schizoaffective disorder

[minnie]

I went to see my psychiatrist two weeks ago, and she mentioned about my driving and I said that I feel okay to drive and she said that she would inform DVLA if I didnt so I asked her would I need to tell them my diagnosis and she said yes but I told her that I didnt know it and she told me I had schizoeffective disorder, so to cut a long story short I informed DVLA, but my social worker said that I didnt have to inform them as the psychiatrist is going to review my driving in 6months. I got a letter from DVLA on saturday to say that I HAVE to fill in the form or they are going to suspend my licence. I rang my social worker up today and told her but shes coming to see me tomorrow.

I feel so suicidal and I want to self harm but I am fighting so hard against these because the voices are doing my head in, I cant seem to shut them up.

I am on risperidone consta injections due to non compliance with medication and I am on haloperidol prn which I sometimes take of a night to quieten the voices enough to go to sleep. I am 36 years old and have heard voices since I was 15years old, but I didnt get help for it till I was 29years old, I have been selfharming since I was 15years old too but havent self harmed in 4months and its hard not selfharming but I am on the verge of doing it again. I am crying all the time too and dont know how to stop, each time I stop crying I start crying again. I just want all this to stop.

[one_step_closer]

Everything sounds so painful for you, i'm sorry that things are difficult. Does it worry you about having to share your diagnosis with the DVLA? I'm not sure how they decide whether you are fit to drive or not but I hope the outcome is right for you. Maybe it would help if you had a look at their website for clarification. What is making you feel suicidal and having the urge to self harm? You are doing really well, being 4 months self harm free shows that you can do this. Keep drawing on the things that have helped you through the past 4 months and reach out for support if you need it.

Have you ever found anything helpful with quietening the voices other than your medication? Some people find that playing music and focusing on the lyrics gives them some relief. Do you know what it is that is making you cry? I understand how distressing it is when you can't seem to stop crying, but maybe it's good that you are letting your emotions out in a safe way. I hope that things get better for you soon, please let someone know how you are feeling. I'm here if you need anything. Take care.