Triggering (SI/OD) - Im now in a Therapeutic community
I moved here last Tuesday, which is why I haven't been around as much.
It's been really really hard, harder than I thought it would be. Tbh I want to come home. It's so intense.
And it's hard getting to know a load of new people and thinking I'm going to be living here for a year. I feel like i'm wasting their time and I shouldn't be using this therapy space. Still feel I would be better off dead in a lot of ways. But I'm sticking it out for now, to see if I can settle in.
I'm just feeling very fragile and anxious and needing hugs.
I miss my family and friends so much even though I think they are better off without me. God I'm so mixed up! Xxx
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
Yes, told you to do this! We can now all support you and look out for updates.
It was bound to be difficult hun, you knew that but this is the start of a new beginning, a proper life for you hun. I can't wait to see this thread updated over time. Yes, it will take a long time but it's going to help.
No-one is better off without you, don't you ever think that!
*sends loads of hugs and squishes*
love you Jo, take care and let them help!
Carrie
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Im so pleased youve made this thread, I often think about you and wonder how youre getting on.
Im sorry that youre finding it hard at the moment, I guess that with anything new it can be scary and daunting. Do you know any of the other people staying there well enough to ask them how they found living in a therapeutic community at the beginning? You'll probably find that the way you are feeling is completely normal and that with time it will fade.
I really hope things become easier and that you start to see the benefits.
Please keep us updated and if you feel alone come on here and your friends will try to support you.
It's so difficult to know what to do.
I need to cut so much but I got put on a broken rule for cutting the first day I came in and only just got that lifted. I haven't cut since Tuesday - for me that's such a long time. But the need is there, very strong today.
The people are nice but I feel very alone atm.
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
Not cutting since Tuesday is a great achievement! Is there anyone you feel able to talk to about the urges? I'm sure the staff are very experienced and used to people struggling especially when they are new.
*hugs*
Stay strong hun!
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I'm really glad you've got some proper help. It's bound to be hard at first, but well done for taking that step - it will get better & easier. Try to talk to staff about how you feel, the more you can do that the more they can help.
keep going, hun. it'll get easier once you've started to settle in :) i think most people remember how hard it is being new *sending lots of hugs*. xxx
I'm finding it really hard to settle here. The staff are nice but you aren't supposed to approach them if you need support. You are meant to ask for support from the other residents then a meeting is called and the group is asked if anyone can offer you support, so it's hard. The staff are here to support the group to support each other, if that makes sense.
I know it will be worse if I sh because a meeting will be called and I'll get put on suspension again. But I can't face asking for support. And I really want to cut.
I feel very alone, not really part of the group yet so it's hard asking them for help.
I'm in my room crying and I don't know what to do. It's been a hard day too, we had psychodrama and it brought up a lot of stuff for me.
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
Honey, its all just going to take some time xxx Your not alone you have us and I know I have been thinking of you. xxx
Psychodrama sounds like it would drag things up, I suppose thats what its suppose to do xxx Crying can be a good thing, to release all your tension that you are feeling.
Keep talking and posting, we are here and we are listening
I couldn't seethis and not reply....I move out of my insitution tomorrow. I have lived here for 3 years..... For me too,it was hard in the beginning.I was lonely,i felt misunderstood and i didn't want to get involved in either the social aspect or the therapeutic aspect. To cut a long story short,i hated it here. With a passion.
Andi felt all of the things you are feeling now.But in time, the place grew into me. I got toknow my peers.I got to know the staff. i slowly began to open up. And finally i felt like i was at home here.
Trust me hunni, the place will start to feel like home.You'll make new and wonderful friends. You'll get to learn a gret deal about yourself. And when a year has passed it will be so hard to say goodbye.
I know it's hard. I've been there myself. And if you ever need to talk to someone who has gone through it and made itout to the other side, then pm me. I'll listen. I know how scared and lonely you are right now because i was too. But i promise you hunni,it does get easier. And then it gets good
thankyou for all your hugs and support.
Zurg - thankyou for replying, it's good to know someone has been there and can tell me this will get better because right now I'm so scared and wonder if there is even any point? Is there just something intrinsically wrong with me that can't be put right?
On a more positive note, I didn't cut. I asked for support which was so hard but I did it and so far have got through another day without sh. The thoughts to od were so strong and vivid but somehow I rode them out and now I've had my meds so feel a bit calmer.
Xxxx
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
Someone has just walked out of a meeting and cut
It's triggered me soo much just want to do it myself now
Can't deal with this at all
Need to cut so much
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
Perhaps you can hold on to this feeling of being triggered for next time you want to cut. because you wouldnt want to trigger anyone else in the group?
But you are doing so well and as you said just ride it out nothing bad will happen only good.
i'm sorry that you feel triggered by what that person did. it feels so unfair when you're working hard and someone behaves like that. thing is, it won't make anything better for them - now they'll have to deal with a suspension and listen to how it's made the rest of the community feel.
well done, you, for asking for support. it gets easier as long as you keep doing it. remember the community would much rather people asked for support many times a day if they needed it, rather than cut or break another rule.
i think you're a brave lady; i know how hard it is there. hope you can keep going.
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