Dreading my birthday

Fakesmile · 14-02-2009, 07:15 AM

so in less than 23 hours it will be my birthday. normally i can deal with my birthday. it doesn't get me excited but i don't get really depressed either. it's just another day. but this year it's hitting really hard for some reason. well i guess for a couple reasons. first it's my last birthday in my 20's. i'll be 29. and that is so depressing on so many levels. mainly, it's that i am nowhere for being 29. things were supposed to be so different. i was supposed to graduate from college at 22 and get a good job that i loved. i was also supposed to find a man and be married by now. possibly even pregnant. i guess what i want is my mom's life. she graduated from college at 22, married my dad right after, got an awesome job with a great school district and had her first child at 29. she had her life together and was settled with a family by now. and then there's me.

i had to take an extra year to graduate from college so i didn't graduate until i was 23. i had two teaching jobs over 4 years and both of them sucked and had to leave them. and now am trying to get disability because i ended up in the hospital so much that i couldnt possibly work right now. plus the fact that i don't think i want to be a teacher anymore anyway, as im no good at it. and of course, ive had 2 boyfriends in 11 years, 3 total. its just things were supposed to be so different. i should at least be living on my own. i HATE this! im 29! this is not where i should be! even my sister who is 26 and an alcoholic is living on her own. barely but still. i don't get it. why can't i do it? what is wrong with me? all i want is to have a good career and be on my own. now i have no career and am living with my parents. i just am such a failure and a loser! i hate myself so much! i just want to be a normal 29 year old adult. but apparantly that's too much to ask for.

anyway, sorry. i guess this birthday is just reminding me where i am and it's getting me down. thanks to those who read this.

kiminoke · 14-02-2009, 11:28 AM

Hey there, not sure if I can give any advice but I can give you a hug and my support. Please don't be so hard on yourself! Age is just a number anyway, and life never really goes the way we planned - I should be done with uni, living on my own and at least have some clue as to what I want to do with my life, but I'm still studying and stuck at home with my parents while everyone around me is living on their own with steady jobs, getting married and/or having babies, it's ridiculous. Don't compare yourself to others - each person has their own path to walk in life, and sometimes our paths lead us in very different directions. Anyways Happy Birthday in advance! Please take care, things will work out for the better :)

x Kimmy

Silvery_Gold · 16-02-2009, 04:03 PM

I don't know if I can actually give any advice either but I do want you to know that I read this and it has made me think. I know it is easy for me to make suggestions and honestly I should take my own advice, but have you been able to think of this as a time where you start to work really hard on getting what you do want? I know you can't snap your fingers and have a perfect life, but can you think of things that you can do to get yourself heading in the direction you would like to go?

I hope you are able to get the support you need so you will be able to work in the future. If you're unsure about teaching try to think about other things you would like to do. Try not to have so much pressure on yourself to have everything perfect now. I know things aren't happening the way you had planned, but try to adjust to that and don't be so hard on yourself. As you get more help and support, your sense of yourself will improve and you will feel more able to do all the things that you are wanting to do.

Take care of yourself, and I hope your actual birthday went okay.
xx

Sigma · 16-02-2009, 05:41 PM

Please don't be hard on yourself - it is just a number...

I always thought that by 25 I'd have the career, serious relationship heading towards family, nice house etc, instead I dropped out of Uni and got dumped by my boyfriend, and I'd given up my flat to go to Uni - so on my 25th I was sleeping on a friend's sofa, unemployed, no degree or career, single... but it got a lot better! It's not perfect, but since turning 30 I've found a job I love and am doing a post-grad degree (still single though...!)

So don't give up - try to see what you have acheived, and how much you've learnt. And I've also learnt that those who did get the 'perfect' life are just as likely to be bored, resentful and envious of your freedom. One of my friends is a full-time Mum, and I wouldn't want to swap, lovely as the kids, husband and house are...