Newbie rambles.

[when.will.it.end]

I've had quite a lot of problems over the last few years but I was supposed to be doing better. Everything is getting on top of me and I tempted to slip into old ways.

I feel like I'm failing in everything. I got horrific marks on all my exams and I don't think I'm gona pass the course which would be the end of my world and self esteem because it would mean i couldn't get onto next year and that CANNOT happen, i know it's over dramatic but I doubt I could carry on if that happened. I can't stand the idea that people think I'm thick.

Why would anyone ever want to be in a relationship with me? I've ****ed up all my boyfriends over the last few years and I doubt I'll be able to handle a healthy relationship.

It's been a year since i last self harmed, I can't believe it's been so long, but i reaallllly want to cut. This is such a pathetic post, I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just hate myself and don't know what to do.

[lost.in.the.dark]

Hi there. It must be hard when things don't seem like they're going right, and it's good that you're recognising that you're feeling vulnerable right now. *hug*

It seems like a lot to take on all at once, all of the things in your post. Is there any way you can prioritise a bit? Firstly, you have to put yourself first, you've done so well to make it a year and you should be very proud. It's ok to feel like this sometimes, but although everything seems like it's going wrong right now it won't always be that way. You can do this.

I'm sorry to hear about your exam results. Your course next year sounds important to you, do you think it's possible that you put yourself under too much pressure?

Keep posting if it helps

[inblack]

Well first, about the exams, one thing you can always do is talk to the teacher of that course. Let them know your concerns and that you're struggling, state that you aren't asking for a pity grade, you are asking what you can do to improve your grade. Its okay to ask for help. You can tell them you should have asked earlier but you didn't know how much you were really struggling in the course. If you are in high school they will almost definitely give you some kind of project to bring your grade up to passing. College is harder, but its still worth a try.

Congratulations on self harming in so long. You should be really proud of yourself! Stay strong, try talking to someone instead, its good you came here. If you have friends who you can talk to, or even a journal to write in, that may help.

I don't know you, but even from hearing the fact that you have gone so long without hurting yourself tells me that you are a very strong person. Thats one quality about you that can be picked up from someone reading a few paragraphs, I'm sure there are tons of other amazing things about you and a guy would be lucky to be with you. You will change a lot as you get older, and so will the people around you. There will be many guys who will want to be in a relationship with you. It sounds like you know that right now that you couldn't handle a healthy relationship, and thats okay because you have other things going on in your life.

There are many online support groups for self harm and other things. You could always look into those if you feel they would help.

[when.will.it.end]

thanks sooooo much for the replies. i'm in no fit mind to respond in a sane way right now so ignore anything that i write.

*TRIG*


i hate myself so much. omg i wish i could cut myself until there was nothing left of me, i wish it was acceptable to commit suicide. would it be so bad if I did? my friends and family would get over it right? im lost in the same patterns and so tired of fighting. i wish there was a way to have a break. im pathetitc and needy and everyone must hate me, right? why do things never make sense?

i forget about myself and feel bad for everyone else. i pick up on the tinyest problem that they have and i want to help them because i care but i don't think of myself in the same way. i feel so bad for saying anything is wrong, i've had so much rejection that I don't believe it's possible for someone to give a ****. and the worst thing is i know non of this is logic or probably true, yet i still can't stop believing it. I'm not important enough for the rest of the world to care, and that's ok, I just need to get my head out my arse. Sorry for completely wasting everyone's time. Stay safe :)