Cutting isn't "bad"

Casper_Fading · 11-02-2009, 07:45 AM

It saddens me that I have seen this come up quite frequently lately. "Why is cutting bad" "Why is cutting worse then drugs" "Why is cutting worse than alcohol/smoking". And it really bothers me. Firstly I do NOT want this to turn into a critisicm of RYL and how it's all becasue the site has grown and it's crap blah blah blah. And if it does get responses like that, i'll just delete it. I've seen it mostly by newer members who find their way here but recently i've seen it backed up by more and more members and it saddens me! But it also frustrates me becasue i'm not sure how we can stop it!

So what I would like in here... is your opinion on this and any suggestions on how we may be able to get through that "cutting isn't that bad" facade and get through to people that cutting isn't good.

I would like to say that you can't feel good about yourself and hurt yourself. So, obviously, if you're hurting yourself then you don't like yourself. I've had people say "oh I love who I am and I have huge amounts of self confidence and love my life" but still be cutting themselves. Cutting is a very unhealthy way of coping and it is a pretty clear sign that things aren't right in your life. It comes with dangers of infection and in some cases death (yes that may be extreme but it's true). I would like to see the cutting warning label perhaps stickied in each support and advice forum and some information about what can occur.

Just becasue people here accept you even though you cut doesn't mean that it's a good thing. Cutting is still a terrible way to cope. I wish I could help make people, especially younger people, realise that!

Snow White. · 11-02-2009, 07:57 AM

I noticed this trend too and I have to say, I think it's time we all pulled our socks up a bit and stopped it ourselves. The community is really the only thing that can change this and I guess it's seeing if people agree with us, Jess.

I think the attitude that self harm can be normalised and justified as not as bad other behaviours should be challenged. It is as bad, if not worse, than other behaviours and is ridiculously damaging to more areas than just your body. If we perpetuate the image that self harm isn't as bad, isn't as damaging, then we're only going to be pushing the notion that self harm should be accepted.

Self harm shouldn't be accepted & openly embraced in the same public way that smoking (once) was. End of. And we shouldn't embrace it with that same attitude here. We accept the behaviour here, but we don't have to think it's wonderful or safe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jess.

So what I would like in here... is your opinion on this and any suggestions on how we may be able to get through that "cutting isn't that bad" facade and get through to people that cutting isn't good.

I think we have to give this sort of feedback back to members who are asking this question, and, having an open and frank discussion about it here. Push past the soft, cuddly answers and be blunt with people. They may not like it but in this aspect I feel it's necessary, that we make it ridiculous plan, blunt and clear; self ham is bad and should not be justified in this way.

Also if you wanted I'd be willing to work on a piece of writing for the " The Self Harm Information Package." about it.

Another issue I have is the glamorising by members who, for example, talk about not wanting to stop cutting but want other places to cut some people cannot see, or, people saying "cutting the arms works best." I just think this sort of discussion is the sort of thing I would expect on a pro forum, not here.

lozza · 11-02-2009, 08:06 AM

Don't have anything else to add at the moment but just wanted to say I completely agree with you guys!!

Casper_Fading · 11-02-2009, 08:06 AM

I think in this case, the percieved softly gently approach that is often needed needs to be pushed aside! Often you have to build up to bluntness about things but this... if you let it go at all... well it reinforces the 'it's okay' idea. NOT okay. It isn't okay at all. And the "i don't want to stop, i need places that people can't see" has GOT to stop. It's fine to not be ready to recover but to actively encourage yourself and others to keep cutting is so unhealthy, sad and can be so dangerous.

The One Who · 11-02-2009, 09:35 AM

I agree with Jess and Aimee. We need to stop tiptoeing around the issue, self harm is not right. I accept that some people use it as a coping mechanism and don't want to give it up, but I'd ask them to question why they don't want to give it up. Cutting shows that things aren't right in your life, something has gone wrong and to be honest, cutting is simply making it worse. In the long run it won't do you any good, so it's better to try and stop before it's too late.

I still cut sometimes, so maybe I'm a hypocrite. I know that it's wrong, and I know that it's a stupid thing to do. That I should find healthier ways of coping with stuff.

Sorry, it's early and I've probably just rambled there making no sense.

chkymnky · 11-02-2009, 10:37 AM

i agree cutting is NOT good and SHOULDNT be encouraged, thats plain enough in the rules too.
people ARE accepted on this site if they cut but that still doesnt make cutting a good thing to do.

chkymnky · 11-02-2009, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobidrawpictures

Sure self harm is an unhealthy way of coping, but it is better than some options out there.

I personally am not choosing to give it up get better and thats my personal choice, and I think trying to change how RYL deals with it would require a big change in what RYL says it sets out to do and thus rendering the mission statement outdated (for lack of a better word) ie from accepting all to only accepting those who are actively trying to give it up.

My 2p on the issue.

nobody has said that ryl will only accept people who are trying to give up, its just not helpful those who are not giving up to encourage others to continue it by saying its ok to cut

Casper_Fading · 11-02-2009, 11:30 AM

I just can't stand the threads that are cropping up on "why is self harm so bad? smoking does worse things" and using that to justify it. It doesn't matter if there are worse things, self harm is RIGHT up here. Smoking, binge drinking... they're other forms of self harms. You are doing something that is bad for you and you can't justify that by saying "there are worse things". I'm not saying that if you're not wanting to stop that you can't come here! I AM saying that you shouldn't be announcing to everyone that you don't wat to stop becasue it's not that bad. I'm not directing this at anyone in particular, i've seen it all over the site from new and old members. But the "why is cutting so bad" threads have been popping up a bit more lately. I don't really want self harm to be accepted in society. I would like it to be more understood but I don't want it to be accepted.

Edit: I don't want it to be 'okay' to cut. I don't want young people to think that. Not now, not ever.

chkymnky · 11-02-2009, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobidrawpictures

I think you have got my point in a muddle, what RYL says it sets out to do is have a open place for the discussion of all things self harm etc, in no way does it set it out to be a pro recovery site at all. If someone is actively encouraging others to self harm, then yus fine, report them. However is someone is having an open discussion about self harm (where, when etc) then what I'm getting from this thread is that should not be allowed, this to me is not encouragement and the banning of talk centered around this pushes RYL one more step into a recovery site thus the mission statement of accepting everyone will be null and void.

Yus cutting is not the best thing to do but I can think of a thousand worse things to do to my body.

by discussing wat , where, wen and how u ARE encouraging it. its like sharing tips and ideas.

Casper_Fading · 11-02-2009, 11:40 AM

Oh and Aimeeness, I think it woul dbe ace if you could work on a piece of writing or the self harm support package thingy!

chkymnky · 11-02-2009, 11:56 AM

jess, i can understand where ur coming from , bob, cant u see that for example if u were to post 'i dont want to give up cutting as its not that bad' someone new or wateva could read that and think 'well if its not that bad i dont really need to try and stop'

Doesnt_matter · 11-02-2009, 11:57 AM

OK, I am one of the Pro SI people...or should I better say- I've read this term- With SI people?!
I'll try to explain my opinion and believes.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : you won't like this but here's my opinion...

Casper_Fading · 11-02-2009, 12:04 PM

But if you're comparing it to something that is JUST as bad... that is very different then comparing it to something and saying it's NOT as bad. Like, cutting isn't as bad as smoking so I'll cut cause smoking is considered okay. Which isn't okay. It's not healthy.

Nat made a good point "people normalise it" and they do. People say it's okay. And it's NOT! COnstantly people say it's okay. It's okay that you harmed. It's alright. It's fine.... but it isn't. It is okay to struggle but it's not okay to normalise the coping mechanism. There are places for drug addicts to get help becasue it's seen as a NOT okay behaviour. It's not accepted in society though. It is understood by doctors if not treated that nicely in the system. One day, hopefully self harm will be treated properly. But I still don't want people to think it's okay. Once you think something is okay you start to stop thinking it's not healthy and you're being dangerous in the behaviour. It's NOT okay. It's never going to be okay. I don't want people to think that. I really don't.

chkymnky · 11-02-2009, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobidrawpictures

I can, but I have not come across a thread remotely like that. The threads which compare it to smokingdrinking etc are showing that it is not a good thing to do just by the comparison. For a person to state a choice between self harming and not self harming should be allowed, the discussions should be allowed, if they are stopped then those who self harm could feel even lonelier about what they do to themselves and pop of from a site like this to a pro site which could be even worse for them.

that, i understand.
also i didnt mean those words quite as literal,

Casper_Fading · 11-02-2009, 12:12 PM

I have NEVER said you're not ready to stop YET like someone is a retard. NEVER! God for a long time I wasn't ready to stop. As far I was concerned I was going to be a cutter for the rest of my life. But I never thought it was okay. I was ashamed of my cutting. I still am. I was careful for a long time. But the addiction (yes I know cutting is addictive) got bad and 'careful' was no longer enough.

I am not disputing peoples decisions not to recover. That is their choice. But I am disputing there right to discuss with other people the best way that they cut and I am never going to condone "cutting is better than <insert other addiction here>".

chkymnky · 11-02-2009, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by <alive>

Nat made a good point "people normalise it" and they do. People say it's okay. And it's NOT! COnstantly people say it's okay. It's okay that you harmed. It's alright. It's fine.... but it isn't. It is okay to struggle but it's not okay to normalise the coping mechanism. .

there is a time and place for the nicey nicey touch but theres also a time wen it can be appropriate to say its not right, sometimes harsh feedback can help more than the 'there, there's'
of couse totally depends on the situation

Snow White. · 11-02-2009, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Judith

4. Cutting is an addiction AND it may be sad but it's the thing that makes
me feel best- chemistry in my brain, you know?!

Judith, this isn't a personal attack as you're not the only person I've seen saying this on the boards. But, saying things like "cutting makes me feel best" is surely promoting the idea of using self harm to make you feel better? I highly doubt self harm even is making you feel best, when I consider that you also said things in your life are bad.

One of my most horrific scars was when I was trying to "be careful & not hurt myself bad", I had even said to myself it was to look only like a cat scratch, and that is not how it has turned out. I think it is very, very dangerous to promote the idea of "safe" self harm being possible. It's not. It's still self + harm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jess

I am not disputing peoples decisions not to recover. That is their choice. But I am disputing there right to discuss with other people the best way that they cut and I am never going to condone "cutting is better than <insert other addiction here>".

Agreed.

Casper_Fading · 11-02-2009, 12:16 PM

Cutting also damages other people. How many people have whole relationships with their friends and family... or did cutting emotionally damage that. Mental illness damages relationships becasue it's not understood. BUt cutting adds to that becasue it's a dangerous coping mechanism. Careful or not. It isn't safe and it does harm other people if not directly and physically.

Snow White. · 11-02-2009, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luke

As for the open discussions about where is best to self harm, have you ever reported these thread?

I removed three of these just before I left moderating, in varying degrees of tipsharing/encouragement.

And Jess is also right, cutting harms other people, too. Not in the same was as hurting their lungs, but it bumps up stress, think of the physiological ramifications of that such as high blood pressure, etc, etc, that are completely unhealthy, too.

Snow White. · 11-02-2009, 12:21 PM

I'm not saying we should ban the thread - I don't know if others are, what I am saying is we need to be aware of them and "..give this sort of feedback back to members who are asking this question, and, having an open and frank discussion about it here. Push past the soft, cuddly answers and be blunt with people." But not ban the threads completely.

[Unless, they're obviously breaking the rules.]