Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - When dose it stop?

[RaeRae716]

I was SA from ages 7 till 10. I'm 18 now, and I was just wondering dose it ever get better? I've been in therapy for about 2 years now, for all my problems, and I still can't talk about it, its so hard! I still have flashbacks, not as bad as they use to be, but if my boyfriend says something, or touches me in a certain way, I'll bug out, start crying and take a hot shower. I cant stand to be in the room alone with a man, and I am so scared of someone doing that to my daughter, the thought of it gives me anxiety attacks. When did you girls start to deal with it? The only time I think I could talk about it with out cutting is when I am drunk or really high. Idk I'm mostly embarssed I think, like ashamed, becasue I put on this real rough hard persona, and I dont want people to know that someone took away my strength. I'm just real messed up in the head But any answers from you girls would be really helpful

*hugs*

[ghosts in the machine]

It is hard, no changing that. And I don't know if we'll ever completely go back to being what we could have been if we'd not been abused (and actually - I'd rather I kept the experience I've gained from this).

But things can improve for sure. I'm much in the same situation as you (minus the boyfriend and daughter). I've been in therapy for about 5 years now, but only over the past year have I been able to talk about what happened. It took me a long time to build up enough trust in my counsellor. It does help though - rather than keep all my secrets locked inside me, I find it a little easier knowing that someone else knows and that I have a safe place to talk about how everything makes me feel.

I guess the fact that you're still here, still fighting against the person who did this to you and trying to heal - it says a lot about your strength. Yes, it's incredibly hard, but don't let them win.

[Popple]

*cuddles*
Have you ever tried to get any help for it, its neve going to be easy but I think until you have worked through it, it can be very difficult to move on with your life. You are a strong person to have come this far and so maybe it would be worth doing this last fight and learning to talk about it. If you struggle to talk about it have you tried writing some things down it doesnt have to be much but anything is better than nothing.
You can do it.
Take care of yourself love
xx

[RaeRae716]

hay miss pixie that was really sweet what you wrote. I have always found writing about it dose help a lot, i guess what is a way of getting it out, i really never thought about it like that

[fakesmiler]

Hi im startin 2 wonder the same thing, i was SA when i was 16, im not 20 and have been in therapy 4 2years and i always wonder will it get better. I gotta say i think it might.... my therapist at the moment is soo lovely and ive been able 2 open up, its gotten 10 times worse but she assures me thats normal and the old sayin its gotta get worse before gettin better, and i actually believ her. Just keep going, and keep hold of your little girl she will be ur reason 4 doin this, and shes lucky to have u x