what am I supposed to do? my dad is going to leave and move out...I mean he's done things...to me...but I can't hate him and I never said no I mean I should have so it's techinically my fault but...I didn't want him to leave but then my step-mom found out and he's going to move out and I was going to go with him cause she hates me but he said he wouldn't be able to restrain himself from me then and he might do something stupid when things were getting better....and since my mom like hates me and has tried to starngle me...in an attepmt tp do what I fail to do, kill me I'm scared to be left alone with her...I mean even if I said something that'sd just set her off and I don't wanna do that so I'm keeping my mouth shut but it's really hard and I feel so angry, at them but mainly me if I could have just said no from the begining none of this would have happened sure she'd hate me but she wouldn't flat out say it or anything...and my cuttings getting so much worse, because I feel like it's the only familiar thing I have left...the only thing that won't leave me alone that makes me feel safe, I know lots of people think I do it for a pain escape or that I like the pain but I don't it's just familiar a sense of controlling it, I can say how far deep or long I can say yes or no indefinatly and not worry. I can do whatever I want with it, I can choose to end it by taking to many meds I can do anything with it........but then I feel so lost afterwards, what am I supposed to due next? what do I do from here? do I do anything? everything is so out of my hands...he would leave really soon and if he does I'm afriad of what I'll do...I crave for someone in my family to care what I want so since my step-mother never does I know I will go drink, I know I will sneak out, I know I wil do stupid things and I know I will probaly end up homeless and I don't know what to do I know I shouldn't even think of things like that but it's what I would do...everyone is selfish to a point me moreso than most so I want the attention...I want them to see me, my stepmother only sees my dead mother, whom she hated and my father sees a...a....fuck buddy! I don't want that I want them to see me, who struggles with colloege to make a living, who can't talk to people in person, who can't sleep at night because I'm deathly afrid of my own dreams, who wants to get a job and have kids who want's to not cut, who loves to dance and draw and wishes maybe she could finish her violin symphony...but they see none of that and I want them too so badly...but he's going leave and as much as that would be better for me it'll get worse too....I'm just feel so helpless and hopeless and I have no idea what to do I talk to my friends on here....but they're arguing right now....they're deciding what will practically destroy my little brother and me...but mainly my little brother...because I'd have to take care of him...I mean I'm used to it since my mother is never there I mean he calls me mom half the time but...I can't be there all the time I'm too selfish I need to be alone sometimes....I'm scared I won't be able to and soemthing bad will happen to him I don't want him to turn out anything like me....I just don't know what to do from here.....
Random is fun
If life was to give me lemons (which it does) then I shall squeeze it in the eye of someone I hate (that being whoever makes me mad)
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
In the dark I wait for the light to come
And in the Morning I pray for dusk to wander near
And in my lonelyness I hope for happiness
With my fear I give way to sadness
So when twilight comes I will be me
I want you to know that I'm here, and I'm listening to what you're saying. I'm not going to judge you, and I do not think that you're less of a person, just because of what has happened to you.
You deserved none of this shit, and it certainly is not your fault.
You can't end it, not now. If you've started to battle with this stuff, then you can just stop fighting. You have to fight.
Now does anyone no about this? I mean professional wise. If not then I suggest you get some involved, perhaps social services? I know you're probably thinking that this would be selfish and wrong but it oh so very right. You have to put yourself first. You have to get what you deserve which is a good, safe home away from anyone who can hurt you.
I hope this made sense. PM anytime you wanna talk ok?
*cuddles*
It is not your fault whether or not you said no it is wrong and you did not deserve any of this.
You are a strong person to have come this far and you can keep on fighting but you don't have to do this on your own. There are people out there who can help you if you speak up.
You need to put yourself first love and make sure you are safe.
Take care of yourself love
x
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
aw hun none of this is ur fault, ur dad is the adult!
really want to just hold u hun and tell u everything will be ok, and one day it will be, u have to keep fighting uv come so far already, i can see u have strength, use it hun, pm me anytime
*gives u big hug*
xx christelle xx
I WISH I'D NEVA SEEN THE SUNSHINE, I WISH I'D NEVA SEEN THE SUNSHINE, BECOZ IF I'D NEVA SEEN THE SUNSHINE, MAYBE THEN I WOULDN'T MIND THE RAIN.
