It's a thing and I wish I could kill myself, but I said I would wait until the next winter at the first snowfall. That way no one will know before it's time. What could they do? Lock me up every time the weather looks bad and it's cold?
I just... I'm tired and I'm not letting it on to anyone about it, but it's hard. I need people to let go of me. I need to finish things. If I let go of people, then no one will know. Make sure I'm payed up to the end of the month or whatever. I haven't hurt myself in a long time, but I don't care anymore about it. I wish to hurt myself. I want the pain, I deserve the pain. I deserve the hurt. I want the control.
I don't know what to say.
Well, I do, but it's not socially acceptable that I express my pain. It's not acceptable that I tell someone how I feel or that I express my desire for privacy. I'm not socially acceptable.
Hi there, I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't really know what to say, except that there are people on here that do care and will listen. Please try and stay safe, you do not deserve to hurt. Have you spoken to a doctor or counsellor about how you feel? That might help. Please feel free to pm me if you want to talk.
Bed? Bed's for sleepy people! Let's get a kebab and go to a disco!
I know its really hard but I think you need to tell someone about the way you are feeling. You don't hve to keep feeling this or go through this on your own. They can help and you can get past feeling this bad. Don't give up hope, you can get through this. Take care
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I don't want to tell my therapist at our next appointment, I think it'll just scare her. And besides, it's pretty far in the future. I have a lot of things to take care of before then.
Although, I can start allowing her to see that I'm not as okay as I make out. Do you guys think that'd be all right?
I'm just... so tired of everything. I want to go to sleep for a long time. I don't have the energy for anything - barely the bare minimum. There's a part tomorrow night. I could go drink and then just go to bed. Would that work? Although, I would need to start NOW with the water so I won't totally screw myself over.
Hey, Paperwhite, how are you doing today? Yeah I think letting your therapist know that things aren't okay is a good move. At least then she'll know, and can try to work through things with you.
And I don't know if you've already gone to the party or not, but I suppose if you feel up to it, then at least being around others might make you feel better, and also lessen the urge to do things you might regret?
Take care,
Kimmy
Bed? Bed's for sleepy people! Let's get a kebab and go to a disco!
I know at this point that I need to go to therapy. But I don't know. How do you begin to tell someone that you can't see how you can go on. You don't see this stopping.
I can see all my bad thoughts coming back. But I don't care. I know I should want to stop them and work on stopping or changing them. But... I don't care. I ought not be posting here, no one really cares, but there's nothing to be lost by doing so.
I can somewhat relate to how you feel at the moment. I could never see things getting any better so there didn't seem any point in trying. However looking back on the past few years to now,I can see things have changed. Yeah I still do struggle sometimes but I think overall I manage it all a lot better. My point is it may not seem like things can get better right now but in time things will get better. Don't give up hope and please talk to your therapist about the way you are feeling, I promise you that you will not scare her off. She will have heard it before, she can help you start to work towards you seeing a hope and a future for yourself. Take care
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
It's funny. I'd settled it that I was going to wait for next winter.
But my plans are being stepped up to July. So it really doesn't matter what I do now. I need to finish up my plans and take care of things. And then I'll be done. Free.
