Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - Thoughs making me physically sick! *graphic*

[Lyssie]

*TRIGGER*: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE CAREFUL!




*embarassed* Does anyone else get this since they were SA??
As well as feeling queasy and like I'm about to vomit when I picture his name in my head... I get pains... down there... sorry if this is tmi, which it probably is but I need to tell someone and I'm not seeing my CPN till the 20th after I've been to Scotland but... And also 'down there' gets really sensitive whenever I think about the SA! Even though at the time he did it too hard and it really hurt. Then when I got home I scrubbed untill it was bleeding... Oh dude, my head is ****'d up! I feel so disturbed and WRONG! I want to SI down there too... *hangs head in shame*!

I'm sorry!

[silverfaerychild]

hun

most of SA victims do feel this way


i never get pain " Down there " thats cause i try so hard to forget his name or what he looks like or his voice or his touch

and thats hard...anything that says Campbell or has his name ..i dont freeze but i have the thoughts of those days with him rushing round in my head

and its hard...but i never felt clean after i left him....and thats hard for me

but i been takin near hot showers and that somewhat helps me feel clean...almost like i am burning off his touch and junk and yea

[Lyssie]

Thank you for your reply...
I take hot showers and baths too,
so much that it makes my skin red raw and sore to touch
I've never felt clean either :(

[silverfaerychild]

its okay...

we are here to support you through this

as is your friends and family if they know

[Lyssie]

None of my family and friends know Only my CPN and my psychiatrist which I am comfortable with. I think I'll write in my diary Thank you for being there for me xx

[silverfaerychild]

no problem

feel free to pm me or email me anytime

fairygoddesslvr@aol.com

[Popple]

*cuddles*
Sweetie you have nothing to be ashamed of because you have done nothing wrong and its a normal response to what has happened to you.
You have done nothing wrong though love
Take care of yourself
Just give me a prod if you need me
xx

[troubleshooter]

Lots of people feel like that honey, you're not alone. *snuggles* Try not to overdo it with bathing until you hurt yourself. And really try not to hurt your private spots even if it's real tempting. You're more normal than you think and you've nothing to be ashamed of. *cuddles*

[Lyssie]

You guys made me cry, you're all amazing!
I am feeling better tonight as my family are home,
all back from work. I'm scared about tomorrow
and the fact that I will cut myself, but my psych is calling me
xx

[DestroyMe]

I do the same thing hun, evertime I see the same car that my SAer had I panick and feel sick...I take extremly hot showers too