I woke up in a great mood this morning, I was even badly singing out loud.
Look at me now, sitting here in tears. Feeling so lost and alone.
Bad thoughts are rushing round my head, the urge has come back with a Vengence to cut.
My family TRY to understand but they dont, they cant unless you have been through it < which I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy >. I feel so alone with it.
I should of told a couple of friends about how I was feeling but I didnt. I didnt want to scare them away. They mean the world to me.
You won't scare me away, hun. Tell me what it is that is making you feel this way. Let it all out, I don't mind what you say. You are not a failure!
*hugs*
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Hey sweetheart, you cant do anything to scare me away. Not a real friend, no way!
I'm glad we chatted, i think it made us both feel better. I know i was not good today; least not till i talked to you!
Love you Jadie-angel
always
keep posting babe, keep talking. It will pass. And we'll all help you get thru till it does.
love
romp
You are not a sad, lonely, failure hun. You are an amazingly supportive person who I have come to really respect and care about the last few weeks. Please don't give up fighting. Your family are trying their best, but you are right, they cannot understand unless they have been through it. That doesn't mean you should give up talking to them about it though. You are better than that Jade. Please don't stop hoping. Things can get better.
Crying happy tears because of the support I got. It means the world to me. Thank you so much. Thank you for your kind words No Reason and Pomegranate. Romp your a star, you were a little down I didnt want to bother you AGAIN. Love you.
I was going to delete my post. I feel guilty posting, especially this morning.
I still feel very very low. I think what triggered me last night to come crashing down with a bump was a visit from my Mum < long story but both her and Dad abused me > She came round to give my daughter a birthday present.
She talked about me breaking my arm, what she forgot to say was that she wouldnt take me to the hospital all day because she said I was putting it on. In the end my Dad couldnt stand the crying no longer and took me to the hospital. < I had a flashback > Indeed I had broken it.
Im also angry with myself because I should be over it by now. I have had counselling and thought I had put everything behind me. < I guess I havent >
Also deep down I wonder WHY because I love my children unconditionally and couldnt imagine doing the stuff they did to me, to my children. This abuse cycle stops with me.
My housemate and I had a bit of a falling out last night but before that things she said made me remember things from being a child that I try desperately to forget. I try to forget them because they hurt so damn much, which is probably why I ended up getting angry because I don't want to face the hurt.
My younger sister had a big realisation when her son was born. She (and I) love him so much that she could never even contemplate leaving him and that really screwed her up for a while, in fact it still does!
Despite all the hurt and the memories, I love your post - "this abuse stops with me". That is fantastic, your children are very lucky that you are their mum!
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Don't feel bad for posting or delete, you always support us so much, let us be there for you too.
Sorry can't post much on my phone but I agree with what everyone has said
You're an amazing person xxx
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
