Sorry to post, I really hate taking up peoples time but Im coming to my wits end.
I'm so stressed at the stupidest of things its untrue, I want to stop stressing about them but I cant stop. Stupid things as simple as the fact I may oversleep I stress about constantly.
I'm not sleeping at night, and when I do I have horrible nightmares, so then I lie awake tossing and turning and stressing because I'm not sleeping. I've tried taking things to help me sleep but nothing seems to work.
I hadn't self-harmed in ages until last week, in fact I couldn't remember the last time I had, and now thats all I can think of. I really can't afford to start relying on it again not now Im competing regularly and playing sport. It just won't work.
I watched a programme yesterday that had been on tv on sunday night, it really brought back hard memories, Im not sure I made the right decision to watch it to be honest, but I felt I needed to as well. It made me miss my grandad more, at uni Im in his home city, his grave isnt far from me yet I still can't bare to visit even though its been 3 years. I'm such a bad person for that
Food is a constant source of stress, I stress Im not eating enough when Im around family and too much when Im on my own. I just can't face it and when I do I feel guilty.
Sorry this is a stupid rant, thanks if you've got this far.
Tis not a stupid rant, seems fair and resonable to me.
Stressing about not sleeping just makes things a whole lot worse as I'm sure you know. Have you ever done yoga, I sleep like a log when I've had a yoga session earlier in the evening. You've probably heard most of this before but when I was having trouble sleeping the way I used to not stress about it was to go through a body relaxing sequence relaxing every muscle in my body bit by bit and when I finished I'd start again, that way you're concentrating on relaxing and not on stressing. Also if you concentrate on your breathing as well, sorry, don't seem to be very good at explaining it. I think the time I started to sleep again was actually when I simply accepted the fact that I was awake but that I was comfortable and relaxed in bed and would just enjoy that instead, does that make sense? who knows!?!
You are definitely not a bad person about not visiting your Grandad's grave, grief is a thing that affects us all differently and loving him and missing him does not mean you have to go and visit his grave, it's there in your heart and that's the thing that matters.
Good luck with the stress and fighting the SI and please feel free to take up my time, anytime :) *hugs* Hannah
"I am me and me is good enough if I would only be it openly"
I also didn't think it was a stupid rant... and don't feel bad about posting; I like trying to help others as it helps me.. and I think a lot of people on here are similar.
I can't offer much advice about the not sleeping; just that I know it's not fun.. hopefully you can try Hannah's suggestions above; I do something similar to her muscle thing and it helps me relax when I have trouble sleeping.
Again, I'm copying Hannah here, but don't feel bad about visiting your grandad's grave... it doesn't make you a bad person at all. We all have our own ways of remembering our loved ones. If it makes you feel better, my Opa [granddad] passed away more than 20 years ago and I only visited his grave once; and my Oma [grandma] passed away nearly 3 years ago and I never have visited her grave. If you ever want to talk about it; feel free to pm me.
I don't have any wise words about the stress over eating and SI; I wish I did.. but I do want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope that you keep posting on here if it helps.
*leaves hugs*
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
I have tried the muscle tensing thing, I know what your on about, to help with exams, but I get distracted when I'm trying to do it in bed. I may make more of an effort to focus on it. I get frustrated because I know I will fall to sleep in lectures the next day which I can't afford to do.
I don't know whether anyone watched a short stay in swizterland, that was the programme I was talking about and although it only showed the first stages that was when he was at home with us, the nights I'd be woken up by the sound of him falling, the blood splattered up walls and things. Its triggered all these memories, I have nightmares about it again and its just argh. Its made me question whether he wanted that and was too scared to ask.
Uni work is beginnning to pile up already however I can't focus on it. Im being told by my head I need to go to the gym and lose weight, and its taking over, everytime I eat I feel guilty. This morining I got forced into eating a hash brown, not all I want to do is run but my stupid knee wont let me.
actually have you done yoga? because not only can it be relaxing but depending on which one you do it can be very good exercise, especially if you have an injury, it helps to tone and is much softer on your joints than running. Remember if your concentration is letting you down take smaller bites. I used to work for half an hour and then go outside for 5 or 10 minutes, or do something else before being able to go back to it, when your mind starts to wander, stop even for a minute or two, it's trying to tell you something. What are you studying? Do you enjoy the subject? Good luck with it and if you are finding it too much talk about it with your tutor, they're there to help. Do you know if your tutor is friendly? Is the whole eating/exercise issue at the moment a coping mechanism or control issue?
I'm sorry I can't be much help, stress is a real problem and I hope it calms down, *big hugs*
"I am me and me is good enough if I would only be it openly"
When I go through a period of insomnia I try to get into a bedtime routine to make myself wind down, have a bath, do all the girly stuff (mositurise, brush hair, etc). Try not to do anything stimulating for at least half an hour before you go to bed. I also alwasy keep a crappy novel next to the bed so that rather than thinking about not being able to sleep I read it and once my brain stops thinking about sleeping it actaully does it.
Study wise I always swear by making a plan (easy for me I am pretty much OCD about making plans for everything). I used to make a plan for every day and decide which subjects I was going to study and when. Like others have said if your mind wanders, stop, go and get a drink, walk round the block but don't sit and try to do something when you can't focus.
