Triggering (Suicide) - I can't do this (also sa trigger)

dark_light · 27-01-2009, 09:09 PM

They want me to go back into hospital, its complicated.
The meds they want to give me for the voices and flashbacks they say they can only give as an inpatient.
But i can't bear to go back in. Though i need this to stop.

I have to go to court on Monday to give evidence *cries*
But i don't think i can last until then
I want this all to be over now
I want to die, right now thats how i feel.

I don't know what to do. The police are coming to see me tomorrow. I'm thinking of telling them to cancel the trial.
I have this constant pain in my chest that won't go away and i can't sleep.
I just want to sleep.

ThinkingofRecovery · 27-01-2009, 09:12 PM

Would it not help to be able to have the meds? What is it they want to give you?

Re the trial, if it is too much perhaps you could see if they could apply for an adjournment? I don't if you can or not but worth asking them. Have they put in place special measures - evidence via videolink or behind screens or whatever?

dark_light · 27-01-2009, 09:22 PM

It would help to have the meds - haloperidol -but i don't want to go back into hospital.

The trial has been dragging on for nearly 2 years. Once there had to be a retrial due to a hung jury, then it got adjourned because i was on a section 3 then last time the guy went missing and the police couldn't find him in time for the trial. I just want it over. But the voice and flashbacks are getting so bad i'm not sure i can do it.

dark_light · 27-01-2009, 09:22 PM

oh i am giving evidence via videolink

ThinkingofRecovery · 27-01-2009, 09:26 PM

Have you got a witness care officer contact who you can call and explain your fears?

Can you not be given the meds by the crisis/home treatment team?

dark_light · 27-01-2009, 09:31 PM

The witness care people arent very helpful.

I did ask my cpn about the crisis team overseeing my meds but i think she wants me in hospital. I think i'll phone her again in the morning and try asking that again depending on how bad tonight is.

Tears of Solitude · 27-01-2009, 09:43 PM

Just wanted to offer my support.

I understand your fears. I hope you can work something out, regarding your Meds.

Keep talking, it might help the anxiety

Jade xxx

ThinkingofRecovery · 28-01-2009, 08:28 PM

Did you call your cpn this morning? How are things going?
*hugs*

Pomegranate · 28-01-2009, 09:01 PM

How are you doing Jo? *offers hugs*

dark_light · 28-01-2009, 10:42 PM

My cpn and the crisis team keep asking me to go back into hospital, they say its because they are worrried and want to keep me safe. They still won't give me the meds while i'm at home although the crisis team said they will speak again to the doctor tomorrow.

I saw the police today and they said its likley that if i go into hospital the court case will get adjourned. Its already been adjourned once and i need this to be over so i have to stay out of hospital.

I just want to sleep and to have some rest from the flashbacks and voice that seem to come especially at night. I don't know what to do. I know its only 5 days but monday seems miles off when i'm feeling this awful. Make it stop please *cries*

dark_light · 29-01-2009, 05:36 PM

I'm going back into hospital
The police called and said it won't affect the case if i go in over the weekend
And if i go in they can give me the meds to help me sleep and help with the voices etc
But i really don't want to go back in, its just everyone around me thinks i should be in there.
I just hope i get some sleep.
Sometimes i don't know what to think or what to do. I feel like a fraud. Like i should be able to cope with this.

dark_light · 29-01-2009, 10:13 PM

I'm at the hospital and I feel so bad
Anxious
Need to cut
Haven't been seen by anyone yet so feel like I might aswell have stayed at home

Tears of Solitude · 29-01-2009, 10:20 PM

Keep hanging in there, you will be seen soon. Your in the best place.

Jade xxx

ThinkingofRecovery · 29-01-2009, 10:21 PM

Glad you are in the hospital. Hope the meds help give you some relief.
*hugs*

miss_kitty · 30-01-2009, 12:45 AM

i'm glad you are in a safe place with helpful meds. your weekend sounded horendous with big stress and little suppor.
hopefully things will be over and better form monday, and such a reduction of stress will help towards a reduction of other symptoms.

~Grace~ · 30-01-2009, 02:12 PM

I hope hospital helps you and offers you some needed support.
Thinking of you xx

ThinkingofRecovery · 31-01-2009, 11:36 AM

How are you doing? Are the meds helping? take care hun.

dark_light · 31-01-2009, 12:25 PM

the meds are helping a bit, they have helped me sleep - I basically dozed all day yesterday I was so drowsy but they make my head feel very foggy too so think I might have to stop taking them. I figure I need a clear head for Monday.

Tears of Solitude · 31-01-2009, 03:16 PM

Wishing you all the luck in the world for Monday xxx

dark_light · 01-02-2009, 01:43 PM

Thankyou
I'm so scared right now
Nothing seems to be helping
I need to cut od anything to get away from these feelings
I want to scream and cry like a child, but nothing will make this go away
I'm so pathetic should be able to deal with this.