Communication Barrier

ArmyWife · 23-01-2009, 11:58 PM

Lately I've noticed my fiance(for those of who do not know is currently deployed in Iraq) has been avoiding serious conversations all together. I finally couldn't take it anymore...the tiptoeing around what i say to avoid anything serious, and told him we need to start planning on what the hell we're going to do when he comes back to Civilian life. So i sent him a message on Myspace, which currently is my primary means of contacting him aside from AIM, telling him basically that his plans are unrealistic. He wanted to magickally buy a house, furnish it, make all the necessary payments such as gas, electric, water..etc, with 20,000 dollars. He expected to magickally be approved for a mortgage when he doesn't even have a civilian job yet, and he fully expected me to fly to New Jersey the moment he gets home when we don't even have a place to live yet! (i am currently living with various family members, jumping back and forth in Florida). So after i, in the kindest manner i could, told him i couldnt take the lack of planning anymore and told him that we need to set realistic goals, he started stressing out. Which is exactly what i didn't want to happen. Then he told me he's been avoiding serious conversations because there's too much going on right now, and he doesn't want to face reality. Finances are very important to him. The whole reason why he didn't marry December 10th as planned(according to him) was finances and lack thereof. I don't know...the lack of communication is really starting to get to me. I'm starting to stress to a point where i'm barely eating, not sleeping, and i'm smoking like a chimney...what do you suggest?

Tears of Solitude · 24-01-2009, 11:32 AM

Im sorry you are in this difficult situation. It must be hard having a long distance relationship.

This is only what I would do. I would leave anymore serious discussions, since having your say. Let it sink in. He has things on his mind while he is out there.

I would wait until he is home, where you can be face to face. So you can come across as caring and really tackle where your future lies.

Good luck honey, try not to stress < easier said than done > because its not getting you any where. Its just making you ill. You will sort something out when he is home.

Jade xxx

UbermoronicismAgain · 24-01-2009, 07:02 PM

I think it sounds like you've made yourself clear. You've given him some things to think about and as Jade said, you need to let that sink in.
I'm sure he's under alot of pressure right now, it can't be easy doing what he's doing out there. And sometimes we forget the strain they're under. I'm not at all saying that you don't understand, I'm more than sure you do. But I mean it's easy to forget when you're here and he's there.

If you let him mull over it for a while, and see what he has to say about it then you might be able to come to some conclusions sooner rather than later. He is probably, as you say, trying hard not to think about the most important things while he's away and focus on coming home safely.

Good luck and take things slowly with him. Re-adjusting will be seriously tough.
Iz x