Triggering (SI/Abuse) - Inpatient making me ill *triggering*

alienshe_cheesycake · 23-01-2009, 11:09 AM

The past few days here and the things I have witnessed have convinced me that the only reason I am still here is because the horrible things I am seeing and hearing are making me ill.

I'm on a low security mental health unit.
Apparantly the people here aren't supposed to be that seriously mentlly ill.

Thats a total joke. A TOTAL f*cking joke.

Yesterday some guy(I've never spoken to) flipped out and started screaming repatedly in my face;F*CK OFF! just totally out of the blue, he then started smashing everything around him up and about 8 staff from on the ward and off had to restrain him in front of me and drag him back to his room
he was screaming the whole time and the alarms where going off.

In the evening a woman in the next bed to me spent the whole night trying to strangle herself, I had to repeatedly go to the staff to tell them she was doing it, again more screaming and alarms going off

Also a girl spent the whole night trying to break down the door and escape, more alarms more screaming and crying.

I think the final straw has come this morning.
I was sitting there calmly talking to one of the nursing assistants (who I quite like) when this really quiet new patient sitting next to me just jumps up and starts battering the nursing assistant and screaming at the top of her voice. Just totally without warning she flipped.

I don't think I have ever felt so scared in my entire life.
She just totally flipped and started whacking her everywhere.
I had to shout for help.

I'm sitting here now feeling really shaken up
I'm now terrified that this woman is going to attack me like she did with the nursing assistant.

The thing is everytime something like this happens, it sets off the voices really really bad and then before you know it they are screaming at me to hurt myself, which I usually end up doing.
I then end up in trouble, getting my leave cancelled, my stuff taken off me ect ect
Everytime something stressful happens on the ward I totally flip and spend the whole night trying to hurt myself.

Because I keep self harming on the ward my pych isn't keen to discharge me (I'm on a section) so I'm stuck in this cycle of being here which is making me ill.

But it's a f*cking joke! No way is this a theraputic enviroment
I'm scared out of my wits that someone is going to attack me
and after what I've seen today can you blame me?

Really want to SI

Surely these patients should be on a secure unit or something?

dark_light · 23-01-2009, 11:31 AM

Honey i have so much sympathy with you. I'm in hospital and its very scary when patients start kicking off like that.
Have you explained to the nurses that it triggers your voices and and self harm? I guess things aren't going to improve if this continues to happen ans you si due to ward triggers. Do you find it easier to stay safe on leave away from these people?
Here if you want to talk xx

Steel Maiden · 23-01-2009, 12:10 PM

Its horrible; I've been on a secure ward before and the alarms were going off all the time. I can't see how that can be called a "therapeutic environment" either; it sounds more like a dumping ground to me.

Perhaps you should talk to your psych about getting moved to a regular ward, not a secure ward?

roiben · 23-01-2009, 01:44 PM

I would ask for a ward transfer, especially if the environment is making you worse not better.

*hugs*

sherlock holmes · 23-01-2009, 05:14 PM

It's horrible isnt it. I was on a secure ward and the alarms went off daily. It got to a point where they were going off five times in one day it it was driving me insane. I couldnt concentrate on getting better for all the screaming and restraining and violence on that ward.

I am convinced it traumatised me. I was nearly assaulted by another patient and I saw a lot of ****. One patient (and it sounds funny but it really wasnt at the time) came out of her room naked and trying to punch and strangle people.

I would ask if you could be transferred. Or hopefully those patients will quickly be moved to a secure ward.

Misunderstood. · 23-01-2009, 05:23 PM

Yeah NHS psych wards are hell.
My honest advice would be to discharge yourself and at the same time explain that your MH would actually beneift more by you being at home because of how much distress the other 'patients' are causing you.
I did the same in 2004 (well I didn't bother with giving an explanation till I next saw my psych but roughly the same).
They really are traumatic environments to be at.

sherlock holmes · 23-01-2009, 08:03 PM

The OP cant discharge themselves, they are sectioned.

And for me, the NHS ward was fine, it was the private one that was hell! lol.

justapuppetonastring · 24-01-2009, 08:47 PM

im so sorry your having to go through this but i cant say ive evr been in the same boat really because it was usally me who did the kicking offi sopent a lot of my time in camhs IP sedated btu when iv been in adult wards the people are generally more ill and do kick off, sorry xx

24-01-2009, 09:23 PM

I was in hospital in December and had similar problems although thankfully never saw restraints (would have upset me), but i was bullied by another patient - they were spoken to several times but it still continued. I had one woman screaming "God had just told me i have Aids" and being hysterical.

You need to speak to someone. I felt hospital made me worse, not better, because of the patients. I was on a ward where there was practically NO security, the ward was situated with a main busy road at the front, and we had to go out there to smoke - wouldn't have taken much to walk infront of the cars. I also managed to SH on the ward out of pure frustration.

So really - you need to talk to someone about being transferred to another ward. You're obviously distressed and they can't let this continue.
big hugs x

Misunderstood. · 24-01-2009, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by control freak

The OP cant discharge themselves, they are sectioned.

Ohhhk, fair enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by control freak

And for me, the NHS ward was fine, it was the private one that was hell! lol.

For me twas t'other way around but I guess it just depends on the patients there at the time and how the staff deal with them.

*zip*

Steel Maiden · 25-01-2009, 05:30 PM

I always end up kicking off really badly and getting restrained and being injected etc when I first come into hospital. Sometimes I wonder if the hosital environment partially triggers the episodes.

x-Silvermist-x · 25-01-2009, 06:45 PM

My last admission was quite scary. Lots of people were SH and OD. One girl had recently come off Methadone and started throwing furniture. The girl I was sharing with decided she didn't like me, no idea why as we had never spoken but she accused me of stealing her belt and started yelling at me. I was very upset.

alienshe_cheesycake · 26-01-2009, 11:17 AM

Thanks for the replies guys
I've only just managed to get on a computer today in OT

The past couple of days have been a lot quieter (thankgod)
so the voices have been a lot better and I haven't SI'd

I also have some leave (escorted) only 3 hours a day, but its getting off the ward isn't it so thats good for me

I asked to be moved to another ward because I was so scared of this woman but they told me there isn't anywhere for me to go
but thankfully she seems to have calmed down these past few days
so I'm not as scared now.

In about an hour its ward rounds and I see my pychiatrist
Even though these past few days have been better I'm still going to get down on my knees and beg her to discharge me

Just wanna go home

I feel kind of like a hypocrite reading my orginal post too
because I've kind of realised that there must have been people feeling the same way about me a few weeks ago as I feel about those patients kicking off now

I mean, when I first came in I was very paranoid and hallucinating badly and all that so I flipped out a fair few times, got restrained/injected ect
So yeah feeling kind of guilty about the times I kicked off now because I've kind of realised how badly it upsets people now :-S

but hey, maybe if I beg her and explain how much the ward enviroment is stressing me she might discharge me, plus I haven't SI'd in a few days

LetMeSlipAway · 26-01-2009, 04:21 PM

Hey, Im glad things have been a bit quieter and that things seem to be looking up a little bit.
Thats good you got of the ward for a while, it can be really frustrating when your stuck in the same place all the time, they should eventually build that up so you can go out on your own and eventually get overnight passes at home!
This is what stopped me from SH or anything when I was IP, just knowing that soon I'll get home was enough to keep me safe as I was on obs for along time.

Dont feel like a hypocrite, its not your fault you were ill, you cant be held accountable for your actions when your in that state of mind, god knows I must of done the patients and the staffs heads in when i was IP always kicking off and getting restrained but the wards a place where sick people go and desperatly need help. Of course its upsetting to hear people kicking off but it comes withs the package.

I hope things continue to go well, and you'll be home before you know it...
Stay safe!
xo

dark_light · 26-01-2009, 06:35 PM

how did your ward round go?

I really understand how stressful the ward can be, some guy just smacked my arse really hard for a laugh but I just found it really upsetting.

alienshe_cheesycake · 28-01-2009, 10:51 AM

I'm going home today guys

She actually asked me what I wanted to do on Monday and I just told her that I wanted to go home

She took me off my section this morning

Weirdly enough the past few days here have been great, nobody kicking off or anything, I'm just hoping it stays like that till I leave later on tonight

sherlock holmes · 28-01-2009, 11:02 AM

I hope going home is okay and you feel a lot better :)

dark_light · 28-01-2009, 04:54 PM

I'm so happy for you and i hope things go well for you when you go home!
Good that its been calmer on the ward too, its horrible being on a chaotic ward.
Good luck with it sweetie x

tamobhuuta · 28-01-2009, 06:43 PM

really glad for you you're feeling betetr, i hope being home helps

Steel Maiden · 28-01-2009, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jess_alienshe_cheesycake

Thanks for the replies guys
I've only just managed to get on a computer today in OT

The past couple of days have been a lot quieter (thankgod)
so the voices have been a lot better and I haven't SI'd

I also have some leave (escorted) only 3 hours a day, but its getting off the ward isn't it so thats good for me

I asked to be moved to another ward because I was so scared of this woman but they told me there isn't anywhere for me to go
but thankfully she seems to have calmed down these past few days
so I'm not as scared now.

In about an hour its ward rounds and I see my pychiatrist
Even though these past few days have been better I'm still going to get down on my knees and beg her to discharge me

Just wanna go home

I feel kind of like a hypocrite reading my orginal post too
because I've kind of realised that there must have been people feeling the same way about me a few weeks ago as I feel about those patients kicking off now

I mean, when I first came in I was very paranoid and hallucinating badly and all that so I flipped out a fair few times, got restrained/injected ect
So yeah feeling kind of guilty about the times I kicked off now because I've kind of realised how badly it upsets people now :-S

but hey, maybe if I beg her and explain how much the ward enviroment is stressing me she might discharge me, plus I haven't SI'd in a few days

I am glad to hear that things have improved for you.
Leave is good.
I remember when I was sectioned in July, I started out with 30 mins escorted leave a day and ended up with 6 hours unescorted leave a day.

WELL DONE for being discharged. Going home is a great feeling.

Don't worry about feeling like a hypocrite. You were very ill. You flipped because you were very ill. There's nothing to feel guilty about.

Well done for not SI-ing as well.

Tell us how it goes when you go home.