not sure how to title this *poss trig but i don't think so*

[pixiedust]

I don't really feel like it's right to post in here because what I'm talking about doesn't count as bullying or abuse (well one part might I'm not sure) but I'm too ashamed to post in general and I know that everyone here is really nice so I hope it's ok that I write here?

How do you deal with a situation that you brought onto yourself but regret and the only reason you did it at the time is because you were in an unstable frame of mind?

I don't want to explain what it is because I'm too ashamed but it's been made worse by an event that happened a few years ago. Maybe the event a few years ago wasn't my fault (though I think it was) but this recent one is, no matter what anyone thinks and it just makes me feel so dirty and yuck. I've been blocking everything out but every now and then it'll crop up - like it did a few days ago, and now I just feel so disgusting.

Also, sorry if I change my mind and delete this. I'm quite scared.

[linder surprise]

you have nothing to be scared of :).
are you completley sure you "brought it upon yourself" whatever the situation is?
i dunno. whatever the situation is, sometimes we all **** up. it happens and sometimes it happens more to people who are not stable enough to make good decisions. but you shouldn't worry about it. you sound like you're sorry for whatever it was (though i don't even know if you really have anything to be sorry for) and as long as you have tried to rectify the situation to the best of your ability then there is not much else you can do. there's no point beating yourself up about something that has been and gone.

[troubleshooter]

I'm kind of confused at what youre getting at but if you were in an unstable mind (like your little) you really can't hold yourself respsonsible because your mind is like a child at that point and you do'nt know any better. *hugs* Sorry if my repsonse isn't so helpful, I'm tired

[pixiedust]

It's hard to explain what I mean about saying stuff which I can't say.

Basically a few years ago an 'incident' happened which really freaked me out for a while but I managed to block it out again so it didn't effect me. Some recent stuff has brought it back up again though. I briefly said what this incident was in the safe room the other day but not in depth.

The next part is the hardest to say because it's what I'm most ashamed of. Last term there was this guy. I didn't realise it at the time as such but he was messing me around a bit but I let him do whatever he liked because I felt special and loved (never had a guy like me before except for that 'incident'). I knew at the time that I didn't really like what was happening - pixie especially, but the self-destructive part of me let it happen anyway. This guy never really did anything wrong, nor did he force me to do anything - I'm pretty sure he would've stopped if I said so but I felt like I had to despite the fact I didn't really like it. (He's now more or less ignoring me since xmas). I just feel very yuck and disgusting and yuck yuck yuck.

I want to hide now sorry.

[troubleshooter]

*hugs* You're not yuck, and it's not bad that that happened. Lots of people just sit back and don't say anything even when they don't like it. You just need to remember to say "no" whenever you don't like it, and separate yourself from Pixie when you want to be an adult. *hugs* Don't be ashamed, you did nothing wrong.