Triggering (SI) - well, I had a nice run, I had to ruin it...

hush · 20-01-2009, 10:34 PM

I hadn't cut myself in about 9 months up until last night. I don't know why I did it, everything was going good enough, but I have been having urges to cut for a few weeks before I did it.

I started with 3 or 4 small superficial cuts on my thigh, just enough to draw blood, then I did 2 with moderate depth, at that point I sort of went into a state where I could no longer feel it, so I decided to do one that was particularly deep, that brought all the pain back. now it hurts like hell to walk, I don't know what I'm gonna do about changing for gym class...

its frusterating to know that I basically erased 9 month of progress, but what really has me concerned is how much I enjoyed it while it was happening, it feels like I can never put this behind me and I will always have the urge to do this, and I will break every so often.

Target Dawn · 20-01-2009, 10:41 PM

((hugs))
I know how you feel. After almost a year of being SI free I cut again and now about just over a month later I'm finding it hard to stop again. Please remember though that you've stopped before so there's nothing saying that you can't stop again.
Don't feel like you erased all your progress because regardless of the fact that you cut last night, you didn't for 9 months! = )

silverfaerychild · 20-01-2009, 10:58 PM

^ so do i ^

you have us ...to talk to and get support and your family (depending on how they are )

hush · 20-01-2009, 10:58 PM

Thanks, I guess you have a point. If I can do 9 months of resisting the urge, I can probably do more.

anyway, I don't think its a good idea to tell my parents, when I first told them about it, everything turned into a living hell. they have since stopped a bit, but thats only because I haven't cut in quite some time.(until yesterday)

mxgirl124 · 20-01-2009, 11:08 PM

well good job for 9 months!
*BIGSUPERNINJAHUG*

Cazki · 20-01-2009, 11:52 PM

*Gently hugs you* Im really sorry to hear about you slipping up. Slipping up does not make you a failure and it certainly doesnt mean that the nine months that you were free have been erased. Please dont think like that because its not true. 9 months is a fantastic achievement!! I do understand how upsetting and annoying it is to slip up, but you musnt beat yourself up as that will not do you any favours at all.

Do you have any support? Is there anyone you can talk to? Does anyone else know about your self harm? It will just make things harder for you. Please dont be so hard on yourself. You did really well to go so long without harming yourself. You can do this, dont let this slip up stop you from recovering.

Dont give up stay strong. We are all here for you. Its also not uncommon to enjoy harming yourself and it doesnt make you weird or anything like that just because you enjoyed harming yourself. Try to keep yourself busy as much as you can. You may find it helpful to have a look at the big distractons page http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...lay.php?f=1403 and the fun and distractions Forum
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...splay.php?f=22 Stay safe.

Take care all the best Ian

Tuesday · 21-01-2009, 12:57 AM

*squishes* just wanted to say that i know how you feel, and great job on going 9 months! that was really awesome. don't give up...slip ups are just part of getting better. you are still very strong...try not to let it get you down too much.