when you 'lose it' at work..

Stellata · 20-01-2009, 07:42 PM

How do you manage relationships with a colleague at work after having had a complete breakdown in front of them? She's really sweet and very non-judgemental. But I feel awful. I'm going to buy her a plant and a card. Do you have any other ideas?Thoughts?
Empathy, understanding and hugs also welcome. I still feel tearful.

Cryptic. · 20-01-2009, 07:53 PM

At school, I have a very lovely teacher(my tutor), & me and her are very close, &I talk to her alot&she has seen me cry A lot of times and break down infront of her&she hugs me&talks to me.

She's such an amazing lady. I love her to pieces!!!

I buy her presents&she says "Oh no, you didn't have to!"

It's always good though, because it shows how much you appreciate them and the whole "thought that counts", but just saying thank you is enough.

<3 I'm glad you've got someone like that at work.

ThinkingofRecovery · 20-01-2009, 08:24 PM

I did this in front of my old boss. He said that I wasn't the first and doesn't expect I'll be the last to do so. Although that might be something to do with the way he treats people at work.

You're only human hun.

*hugs*

Twisted Fate · 20-01-2009, 08:57 PM

I just joke about it. Like Sunday I was at work and got really mad because no one else was working and helping me when they were suspose to be so I complained to the lady and basically was so mad we got into a heated discussion because she didn't understand what I was trying to tell her and kept making excuses for the other workers. Anyway today we just kind of joked about it and she complined about getting out so late because no one was working. Other times I've cried at work and I don't usually work with the people who have seen me cry. Anyway they don't say anything about it when I do have to work with them.

Pomegranate · 20-01-2009, 09:04 PM

I have had two full blown melt downs at work, one of which was in public. When it was just with my manager I thanked her and got her a card and basically tried a lot harder to make things easier on her to prove I could do my job. When it was in public I pretty much did the same but then avoided talking about it to everyone else apart from my manager. Luckily the people I work with are amazing and I got hugs and joked about it. I think 'no reason' is right though, you weren't the first and your probably won't be the last. Please try and take it easy and don't beat yourself up too much over it.

Target Dawn · 20-01-2009, 09:20 PM

The only job I've had has been voluntary so I'm not sure if this counts. I was working at a pet shop and I was getting overwhelmed with all the customers coming in at once, then I couldn't get the till to work, then a little boy opened a cage and there were rats running everywhere *sigh*.

I couldn't deal with all of this. I ended up crying and hyperventilating and ran out the store all the way home (the store was only about a 15 minute walk away anyway).
The next day I apologized to the boss and he was ok about it. He said that if I'm ever getting stressed out again to go to him instead of letting it get to 'breaking point'. However it never did happen again because shortly after his business closed anyway.

~Grace~ · 20-01-2009, 09:36 PM

This happened to me just after christmas. I had a breakdown on the shop floor. Shaking, tears, panic attack. A colleague saw me and moved me to a less public area. What I was panicking over was dealt with quietly and sympathetically. Later the manager came over to make sure I was ok to still carry on working....and I did but off the shop floor. It has never been mentioned since.

It sounds selfish of me but ive done nothing about it since. I just wish to forget about it and hope that those involved will also forget about it and just carry on as if nothing had happened.

I normally hide my feelings and the way I am. I try to keep it seperate from work, so this came as a shock to me and completely out of the blue.

I think a plant and a card is a lovely idea....I dont think you need to do anymore.

Much love and hugs xx

pixiedust · 21-01-2009, 12:51 AM

When I broke down at work and was sent home I dealt with it the same as Rowie really. I did thank my boss and apologised but didn't get her a card or anything. It wasn't ever mentioned again and in the end was as if nothing had ever happened.

Stellata · 21-01-2009, 08:13 AM

Thanks everyone, it really helps to know I'm not alone.

I'm glad that this time for me it was not in front of customers or even in the office, but in a 1:1 meeting with the disabilities coordinator. A difficult meeting when, as I've never 'needed' to do before, I felt I really had to 'fight' to be heard and understood about how vital what we were discussing was for me.

whirlpools · 22-01-2009, 03:33 PM

it sounds like you had to work very hard emotionally and mentally. i think, rather than feeling ashamed or embarrassed for expressing your true feelings, maybe you could try and be just a bit proud of yourself? i know it's hard when you don't feel you're in control, and if you feel like you've burdened someone with the weight of your experiences, but you really don't need to be apologetic for getting very upset. the card and plant sound lovely, but as a thank you, rather than a sorry. xxx

Steel Maiden · 22-01-2009, 09:04 PM

I gave my school nurse a plant from my garden. She's so sweet, she named the plant after me!

Janice · 22-01-2009, 11:43 PM

Hey Stellata,

You write that you feel 'awful' towards your colleague because of what happend. I'm pretty sure that rationally, you know there is no need for that. She made her own choice in being there for you - probably didn't even think twice about it.

I can empathize with that kind of 'guilty' feeling, though. If sending her a card and/or getting her a plant will help you mitigate that guilty feeling, then by all means, go for it. But beyond that, I think you should focus your energy on trying to believe - in your heart - that feeling awful about it doesn't help you, nor your colleague. Or anyone else in the world, for that matter. Try to just be grateful for having people in your life that will do these kinds of things for you, and leave it at that.

I know what I'm saying may 'sound' easy, and that it isn't so easy in practice. But you owe it to yourself, and to your colleague, and to your relationship with her, not to waste too much time and energy feeling awkward around her because you had a breakdown. I know very few people, actually, who have NEVER broken down in front of anyone else. It's part of being human. And if you don't find a way to get over the awkwardness, it might affect this bond of trust that seems to have grown between you and your colleague in ways that you will both regret for a long time.

Keep in mind that, if she ever found herself in a similar situation, you would most probably do the exact same things for her that she did for you. And would you think she had any reason to feel guilty and/or awkward towards you afterwards?

I didn't think so.

l'il esky · 22-01-2009, 11:57 PM

aww katie *safe huggles* i regularly have breakdowns at work, alot of ppl know i have issues but not sure what issues but everyone is like" ah holly is crying again" but like it is as normal as brushing your teeth

after i had 3months of work i was so worried what people would think about why i was off, some knew more than others but it was fine everyone has been lovely and dont really treat me any different. they know when i need my space and know when i need a hug

so the best thing really is to try and get on with things as normal....not necessarily like nothing has happened but accept it has happened and that people have known you for a while so shouldnt think any different or less of you cos you showed your emotions.

i hope you are ok sweetie xx

l'il esky · 23-01-2009, 12:00 AM

oh and for my managers who are my rocks i got them lindor chocolates and wrote them a soppy card. i will love them for the rest of my life cos altho im not great they saved my life and got me on the track of getting help which i have avoided for over 11yrs!

hope it goes ok xx