Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Do i deserve this? Probably.
Hi all. You may or may not remember me. but i guess That doesn't matter.
I must admit its been a while so I don't expect to much.
To say i am going through a low period at the moment might be considered an understatement.
What i thought were my friends have deserted me, my parents are pushing me harder than ever, and to top it all my Uni work is backing up and i am getting so stressed.
Really my problem is I've had a growing urge to cause damage to myself. With no-one to talk to, no-one to distract me its becoming increasingly difficult to fight myself.
I hate myself. How can anyone else possibly like me. I guess its as much as i deserve, to be left alone.
I am sorry.
Please note the opinions expressed above are the opinions of Xye only and DO NOT always represent the views of RYL or for that matter the rest of the human race.
Hi Xye, sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. Have you managed to explain anything to your personal tutor at uni, sometimes they can really help with the whole work side of things?
I bet you there are people out there who like you or would like you if you met them, you just have to believe them and there are definitely people who care.
Sorry I can't be much help, but am here if you ever want to chat.
take care, hugs, Hannah
Last edited by wildly insane : 20-01-2009 at 06:02 PM.
Reason: added a sentence
"I am me and me is good enough if I would only be it openly"
im sorry your find it so hard at the moment and that you feel alone i know where not there in person but you always have us to talk to you and can understand how you are feeling
is there anyway you can talk to your toutor at uni and see if they will give you some more time so you can get things sorted and maybe going to ur doc to talk to some one might help
im glad you came on here to chat and did not hurt youself and can understand if you did but we are all here
and feel free to pm me any time you dont deserve too feel like this and to be alone
hugs midnight xxxx
There is no chance, no destiny no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul
*cuddles*
Love you Tom.
Talking to you right now.
*heart hug*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Thank you all for your kind offers. With regard to the Tutor at uni.... well i have never met him and explaining it to him, well that would get kind of awkward. Unfortunately I have now missed one deadline which was an absolute so will be getting 0 for that piece of work which counts toward the final classification....
As for the Docs. well I was supposed to have an appointment on monday. I turned up and they said 'Oh'. 'hes not in today'.... great. So now i have another appointment for a couple of weeks time. Of course by which time i shall be feeling better and all this will seem like a bad dream.
*sigh* All i wanted was a friend. It physically hurts me when im walking through town and see people talking and laughing, because i know that is something i cannot have and never have had. The reason i say this is because i quite possibly have Aspergers but have not as yet managed to pluck up the courage to ask a doctor about testing.
Xye
Please note the opinions expressed above are the opinions of Xye only and DO NOT always represent the views of RYL or for that matter the rest of the human race.
you can definitely have friends and have aspergers *hugs*
You should try and talk to somebody at uni, I can see the problem with your tutor though. Is there somebody that you do see quite often, or your head of year/department?
Don't give up on yourself and don't give up on us, someone out there may surprise you :)
*hugs again* hannah
"I am me and me is good enough if I would only be it openly"
I will try to talk to someone at uni, Fortunately I handed in that piece of work and the guy has said he'll accept it. The problem is that i am only in Uni 2 days a week and the rest of the time i spend at home. with the occasional interlude of work. Which is even less fun than being at home.
And im sorry to say I gave up on myself a long time ago. I haven't even had a friend since school (some 6-7 years ago now) and have never felt connected to anyone, not even my folks. Although i guess maybe part of thats due to the self hatred, where i cannot believe anyone could like me let alone put up with me as a friend for a prolonged period of time.
Does anyone know how i can stop hating me? as this does seem to be a most unhelpful part of me.
Please note the opinions expressed above are the opinions of Xye only and DO NOT always represent the views of RYL or for that matter the rest of the human race.
Just a thought......
I have a serious problem with self hatred and anger towards myself and through therapy I have learnt that some of it stems from my childhood where I never felt good enough, that I failed at everything I did......and still do.
They are my core beliefs and they and other issues lead to my self loathing. This is what we're trying to work on now.
Do you have a therapist or have you ever considered going for counselling? Its just that it may help with your beliefs. xxxx
I agree with Rowie; it might be worth trying to work through your feelings of self-hatred with a therapist... as it could be helpful to have an objective voice there for feedback as you try to counter negative thoughts.
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
Fortunately I am feeling slightly more human now which i am sure you will be pleased to know.
I have seen a couple of counsellour type people. Unfortunately they always seemed to want to focus on my other issues (Social Phobia) and so on. but i guess its all kind of linked. I need to go and see the people here at Uni.
Please note the opinions expressed above are the opinions of Xye only and DO NOT always represent the views of RYL or for that matter the rest of the human race.
*pounces on you*
Tom, I wish I had something helpful to say to you my friend... But I love you. And I would walk down the street with you and laugh (assuming one of us had said/done something funny ) if it weren't for the whole continent and ocean in the way...'
*massive hugs*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I don't think I have seen you around but I just want you to know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk. You can always send me a PM, I may not have the answers but I will always listen and care and do my best to understand. I'm sorry this is happening to you and you do not deserve it at all. Can you talk to your parents/family about how you are feeling and let them know that their pressure isn't helping? They may not realise the damage it could cause. Have you got a counsellor or doctor you can talk to or a counsellor at uni? Are you taking medication? Maybe it isn't working properly, you should really talk to your doctor about it. I think you really need to talk to someone about all your worries and develop a plan to take them on one at a time, don't try to perform miracles. I don't know if you have any in your area but support groups are really good, you will find understanding there and should be able to form friendships. I wish I could be a friend that's there for you too, with or without Aspergers wouldn't matter , but like forever lost I am also a world away. I will be an online friend that you can talk to if you would like. I sort of understand the social phobia part. I am also an extremely shy person and find it hard to make friends unless I'm assured there won't be rejection.
I'm sorry this probably isn't very useful to you.
I hope things get better soon my friend. Take care
) if it weren't for the whole continent and ocean in the way...'
