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no control
i recently got discharged from hospital after being in there for six months on a section. a condition of my discharge was that i agreed to see the crisis team and my cpn. the thing is, i just feel that i have no control over my own life anymore. when i was in hospital my life just was not my own - the whole experience was traumatic and awful things happened to me (like being forcibly restrained and sedated on several occaisions. even now i am out of hospital i have to see the crisis team every day and they are insisent on having a contigency plan of phoning my dad if i am not contactable at any point - which they have done on several occasions. I'm so not happy about this. They have said though that the alternative is to go back into hospital. Also, i want to go back to work soon but my boss has said that i have to go to Occupational Health first who will see my medical records and then write a report on my suitability for work. also, all of my colleagues have been told why i have been off and my boss has even asked for a list of "early warning signs" - i think she did this with the best of intentions but it just made me feel like i'll be constantly the "person with a mental health problem" (i've always done very well at work and have been given several promotions, etc but now get the impression this just isn't going to be the case anymore) Everywhere i go i feel like somebody is judging me or making an assumption about what i feel, what i need and that every little thing i do or say is under scrutiny. It just makes me feel like what's the point? i just want to be left alone and to be able to do what i want to do.
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