panic over but still feeling emotional, tearful and ashamed/UPDATED
I feel really emotional. Grief. For many things. I cried most of the morning. I still feel tearful now.
I have some big things to talk about in tomorrow morning's therapy session.
I emailed work with some worries about upcoming changes - work stuff.
My flatmates are away until Friday.
The bathroom re-tiling is... nearly done. Just some more tiles to be affixed, and the grouting grouted, and the shower screen to be affixed. But it's stressful.
A lot going on.
Please can I have some encouragement and support, because I feel like the world's worst person right now.
You are not the world's worst person. You are an amazing, caring and supportive person who needs to give herself a break and take time to care for herself. Well done on emailing work. I am sorry you are feeling so bad, remember crying is a healthy release though. I hope therapy helps you tomorrow. Please try and be kind to yourself *offers warm safe hugs*
Katie, hun. That's alot to be going on all at once. YOU ARE NOT THE WORLD'S WORST PERSON. You are so kind and insightful and supportive of others, how could you possibly be the world's worst person. Can you try writing down some of the stuff you need to deal with in therapy tomorrow so that you can perhaps let it out?
What are the changes at work that are worrying you, if you don't mind me asking? It sounds from your response to my post re work that your work will be very supportive of you and therefore hopefully the email you sent will help start sorting things there.
It's good that you can break things down and recognise the aspects of your life that are causing you distress, it might not seem like it but it will make it so much more manageable.
I hope your therapy helps you tomorrow.
Hope you have a restful night!
*hugs*
Carrie
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Re work. I'm panicking because
- the library where I work part of my hours has been closed for refurbishment. It's opening on 9th Feb. With a new manager, and new rota. And she won't know my situation or hours needs. I've emailed the disabilities rep, and cc'd my office/overseeing manager, and the previous library manager. [who lost her job in the restructuring interviews] I'm panicking about them not being understanding or not communicating. Although I have past good experience. New managers always 'freak me out'.
- As part of induction we have to observe the council One Stop Shop, [housing, benefits etc etc] for an hour. Previous manager's told me I can go whenever, just to let her know. And that lack of structure makes me panic. And going into an unknown place with noone else I know, on my own... and with people shouting about their housing bla bla etc. No wonder I'm panicking. I just asked the disab. co. what I can do?
Hopefully I'll be able to talk to the disab. co. and/or my overseeing manager tomorrow.
And the tiler might arrive in the morning before I go out to therapy.
And this is probably tmi but I get really loose bowels before Monday sessions. Regular. Like clockwork. Tiler will be in the bathroom where loo is. To ask to use loo once or twice is fine, but running in and out every 5-10 minutes wouldn't work!
To be fair, he hasn't arrived before 10 so far, on the days I've been in of a morning, and I leave at 10.15 on Mondays...
i hope it all goes well for you, your new manager will be fine and will understand and im sure has been told about every one and been told of the situation i can understand the panic tho but im sure it will be fine
your a caring and understanding person there is nothing bad about you and you not the worse person in the world
hugs pm me anytime
midnight xxxx
There is no chance, no destiny no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul
But the email response from the disabilities coord. was that she'd look into it and get back to me.
I am panicking, and have emailed her back saying if they can't work around my therapy appointments I will have to resign work. I'm panicking so much. They've worked things around me well until now, and now she's saying 'I will find out more about the points you raise...' and help. help. help. help. I know she's busy right now. But a little bit of actual understanding and listening. Oh god. Help.
Maybe she just doesn't know the answer to your questions and rather than not replying until she knew for certain wanted you to know she was looking into it? There is no point panicking now until they know for certain. Relax, take some time to take it easy and be kind to yourself. *hugs*
Katie, she's looking into it and at the moment unfortunately she can't promise anything. I hope when she gets back to you it will be as before. In the meantime hun, please try not to worry too much about it. If it becomes a problem, then you will have to try and deal with it then. I'm sure you've got plenty going around in your head without this. Be kind to yourself hun and try and put it to oneside for now if that's possible.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
It might not even come to that and if things change to prevent you from going to your therapy, I'm sure they will look into other options for you. You have a disability and they have to make reasonable adjustments for that and if they don't they are effectively sacking you because of your disability, which is illegal under the DDA '95.
However, I know how difficult this must be but you musn't even consider this right now. Deal with things as they happen.
Is there something nice you can do for yourself tonight? I'm feeling a little sorry for myself so I'm probably going to get pizza Is there anything you could treat yourself to - food, dvd, novel and a bath?
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
She did say she would look into it for you - that's really really good.
They should be able to work around it under the disability discrimination act so you don't have to lose your job. She said she would look into it - that's really positive and she has been helpful before and understands your needs.
Concentrate on her willingness to help not the alternative that is so frightening to you.
Try to do something nice for yourself this evening - that's an order oh and repeat after me:
Katie is absolutely 150% definitely not the worlds worst person.
They can't prevent me. They won't.
How can she suddenly be like this with me?
I don't understand.
I can't cope with all this. I can't.
Katie you said in your post above that she had told you she would look into it for you. That's a really good and positive thing. She isn't changing how she is it's just that she probably has a lot of people in a similar position to yours contacting her and they are all scared and frightened by what is happening, probably to a lesser degree because of the nature of your difficulties, but she is dealing with a lot of scared and frightened people.
I just re-read your post above: do not resign from work if they can't fit in your therapy appointments. Send her another email right now and amend that. Resigning would open an awful lot of problems for you so email her and say to her that you didn't mean to say that. Honestly, you need to do that. Don't be forced into resigning over it. You need the therapy. You can get your gp to tell them that.
Honestly, it sounds like she is doing all she can to help you.
I wish I could stay here and help you with this but I can't. I need to leave. Stay safe okay. She really does sound like she is trying to help from what you said.
Thanks.
Sorry everyone.
This is probably Katrina. [my internal 'other' for whom everything uncertain or unknown becomes a fight for survival.]
I feel like ****.
Been crying lots.
But it's probably Katrina.
I should have spoken to the dc this afternoon when I was at work. But she was busy. And I think her reply was just a blanket quick reply.
I mean, she would surely tell the new manager all my situation thing. She may have done so already.
Ugh.
I hate uncertainty or lack of clarity.
I'll speak with her first thing tomorrow.
And hopefully my office manager will be in tomorrow.
It's okay. There's no need to apologise. I had thought it might be Katrina but I didn't want to go saying that in case she got nasty with you like Ariel does with me.
It was probably the reply she sends to eveyone. So please don't worry about it. She sounds a pretty good egg from what you told me about her. I can understand finding uncertainty and lack of clarity unnerving I do too.
Cross posted a bit there that's really good idea and positive. I'm sure she'd rather get messages from you in her inbox rather than the usual adverts she probably gets!
Hm. Still not gone. Maybe this time I'll manage it!
The following content has been hidden - Reason : email draft
---,
I understand you're busy right now, and I'm sorry for bothering you with this.
You'll see from my previous email how upset and worried I am about this, and how much I need reassurance.
Please can we meet briefly as soon as possible tomorrow [Tuesday] morning?
I also need to communicate to you how I was somewhat thrown by your reply, as up until now everyone has been accommodating of my treatment needs, and allowing flexibility for me to attend essential appointments. Your reply seemed to divert from that, and I need to know what's going on for this to be the case. Is there a change in policy?
It is primarily the Monday and Thursday start times that is the issue here. The other concerns are not so immediate and urgent.
[although also bear in mind how I cut my Friday hours to consider my health needs.]
I hope you can understand how important this is for me.
Is there anything you could treat yourself to - food, dvd, novel and a bath?
oh and repeat after me:
