Adult - There are no words to describe what I am feeling...

BoundNoMore · 17-01-2009, 11:20 PM

Yesterday morning I did a dumb thing... I texted my girlfriend, Shelby, "How do you see me... as just a friend... or actually a GF?"
I asked her because we never do anything that I imagine girlfriends would do (holding hands, kissing, etc)... and yesterday evening she texted
me, "to answer your question... just a friend... is that ok?"

I swear I must have sobbed uncontrollably for 2 straight hours after she told me. She was not only my girlfriend, but my best (and only) friend.
And now I feel like I lost not only my first girlfriend, but I feel like I lost my best friend also, because I am afraid that from now on, everytime
I see her I will think of what could have been and what I really want, but can never have... a relationship with her.

Ugh... I feel like it is stupid to be so upset. After all, I asked her. I knew there was a possibility I may not like the answer. *cries*
I would have been better off not asking her and having things stay the way they were. Us being good friends and me thinking that
she liked me too.

But technically, I don't know if we were really ever "girlfriends" in the first place, because like I said, we never kissed or anything.
We have kissed like once since we... well since I thought we became girlfriends. Other than that, it was just a occasional peck
on the lips.

*sobs* I am so... hurt, angry, confused... ugh... I don't know what I am. I got very little if any sleep last night, because I was so upset.
And when I did sleep, it was because I cried myself to sleep. Today, I am not feeling much better. I have yet to actually cry,
but I feel like I could just collapse into a fetal position and start bawling my eyes at any moment. My heart aches because I am in so much emotional pain.

wildly insane · 18-01-2009, 02:12 AM

*hugs* hang in there hun. Is there anybody's shoulder you can call on to cry on? or just to give you some support? *hugs again* sorry not much help but I mean well and hope you feel a bit better soon.

midnight fairy · 19-01-2009, 10:42 AM

hey hun

im sorry i know the pain right now is unreal but there will come a point were that will start to become less and then the tears too and then you wake up one morning and there is no pain from this and no tears its not going to be easy and will take some time but the pain will pass not because you forget but becasue it comes more bareable

i hope maybe you can sit down and talk to her im time

sorry im not much help let yourself cry

pm me anytime hun

take care midnight

Mary Anne · 19-01-2009, 07:54 PM

Hi sweetie,

I can promise you that in time you will start to feel better, my husband and best friend left me just over 2 months ago and to start with I felt just like you do. The only thing that will heal you is time (probably not what you want to hear but it is true). I still feel miserable a lot of the time but I am getting there and you will too.

Like Midnight Fairy says let yourself cry, you need to grieve for what you have lost (in your eyes and heart, not what anybody else thinks).

I am always available if you want to chat.
x

~Grace~ · 19-01-2009, 09:03 PM

I just wanted to say that im so sorry this has happened and I know that it doesnt help much, but you have friends here if you need a shoulder to lean on.

Please look after yorself during this difficult time xx

BoundNoMore · 20-01-2009, 01:52 AM

***update***
My husband and I went out with Shelby and her boyfriend, Mike, last night and my husband talked to Mike and he said that he really misunderstood at first when Shelby mentioned about her and I being girlfriends. And that he was worried that if we got into a relationship, it would hinder his relationship with her.