Does anyone here have this problem I have: lack of libido, mostly because I view myself physically and sexually unappealing. I am not well built but I'm only a little bit overweight but have absolutely no muscle mass. I'm not fit at all, don't have much stamina and I don't see myself as being very masculine at all, most of the time I believe I'm not a real man. I would like to be fitter but side affects of medication have taken away nearly all my energy. Many of the people in my area don't like me so I'm not comfortable going walking or bike riding around the block aside from the fact that it's a pretty dangerous area anyway. Nobody ever went on a date with me til after I was like 20 so I spent all those years sexually inexperienced and hadn't even kissed a girl. Before I met my wife, the only girls that would go out with me would start relationships with me so they could use me, cheat on me and treat me like ****. One girl I was with for six months never slept with me but slept with her ex and sister's husband while she was with me. I don't have any eating problems or anything like that, I just don't eat very healthy stuff. Not tanned or anything like that, my skin isn't the best, very rough and every time I shave I always cut myself accidentally. I haven't got a job and can't get one or hold one. Can't earn decent money to provide for my wife, it's her providing for me. Get the side affects on sexual function thanks to being on a heap of different meds. Put that all together with the many scars that are under my clothing and I see myself as hidious and wonder why the hell anyone would want me, let alone marry me.
I find sex and relationships difficult because of my own self image. You aren't alone in that respect and I imagine many other members would agree. I doubt you are hideous though. Apparently one of the most attractive aspects to any human is confidence, not cockiness or arrogance, but confidence in yourself as an individual. Hopefully with the right type of therapy and help your self image will improve. Please don't beat yourself up over this. It is nothing shameful and it is not your fault.
I tend to think it's the arrogance and cockiness people are attracted to. I mean it's always the loud mouth, wealthy know it all with a big house and flash new car that gets the attention. I don't think what you are as a person or your self respect in terms of dignity have little to do with it, certainly in the western world anyway. I don't want to live in a world like that.
I think that short term, you are right. Long term, I think you are wrong. However, it is not me that has to convince yourself that, but you. It is hard to see friends, acquaintances etc falling at the feet of the arrogant and cocky. In the long term though, it is those who like themselves who attract love. Whether or not you choose to accept that fact is up to you. Nobody can fix how you see yourself but you. It is your choice how your future will unfold. If you believe that is up to you.
I not exactly filled with wise words but did not want to read and run.
Have you spoken to your wife about how you feel?
One suggestion, what sort of razor do you use? I am no expert in facial shaving (and I hope never to be!) but perhaps one that moves more to the contours of your skin or using more shave gel will help, also don;t try to get to 'close' a shave and take your time over it. Just one small thing that might help.
Could you excercise in the house, even 20 minutes a day would help the endorphins get going (think some sit ups, push ups etc) you can spread this out if you don;t have much energy.
Also, are your meds affecting your libido (common side effect of what I am on)?
Not that it probably helps but I hate flash cocky guys! (My husband was skinny, poor, homeless (lived with family), unconfident about his looks and can't drive but I loved him all the same - still a b****** tho who left me)
I have tried those razors but still seemed to cut myself especially around the neck area all the time so now I use the cheapie disposable ones. Will try doing some excercise inside the house because I'm not too keen on gyms. I can't afford membership and can't change or wear sleeveless shirts in front of anybody because of the scarring. I did some research on my meds. Looked them up on wikipedia and also looked up Tricyclic meds in general and it does say the have side affects on libido and sexual function. Every med I have been on has been like that though, an I have been on a hell of a lot of different meds. Without the meds, the suicide risk would be too high. I also get other side affects like poor memory, dry mouth and lethargy. But when I was taking the newer type meds they caused insomnia which made me feel even worse.
It's good to see that not all people are shallow minded arseholes. You are definately not. I'm sorry it didn't work with your husband but I'm sure you're a good person and you loved him and were a good wife to him. There has got to be somewhere to draw the line with self confidence. It's hard to be confident when you're broke and not very good looking, I just hate those ****ing wankers that think they're better than anyone else. I remember once when I told a counsellor how I was feeling worthless. She told me that the most worthless person on this planet is one of the richest.....Paris Hilton. I have to agree with my old counsellor. We are all human and all worth the same no matter what we look like or what money we have. It's just a shame that the majority of the world is so god damn shallow to realise that. At least I have found one person here who isn't in that crowd and hopefully there are many more.
hi, just wanted to comment, not that i have anything wise or of much point to say!
i personally find the flashy arrogant types a huge turn off. i was with my ex for 6 years, and he couldnt hold down a job, and was a lanky weed smoker! i was the main earner despite being at college full time as well, but i didnt mind that it was ok. anyways that all went wrong, and not with him anymore! but i still loved him to pieces. my current boyfriend, is incredibly quiet, he does well for himself, has a decent job etc, but never waves anything he has in your face, and is definately not cocky or arrogant!
my ex also had problems shaving, especially in the neck area, wasnt so much cutting himself but getting a really bad rash after it. so sorry no tips on that one!
self worth is such a hard thing to find, and affects every aspect of life i think. i'm still struggling, in bed i have to have the lights off so my boyfriend cant see me, else i think he wont like me any more. and i think it takes a while to develop self worth. it wont happen overnight.
anyways i've just rambled on there too much. sorry.
does you wife know how your feel?
exercise in the house is a good idea, try to do 20mins a day for 5 daysa week. once you start it will get easier, you get used to it, and your body enjoys the endorphines it produces, its hard to get motivated sometimes tho.
xxx
