Triggering (SI) - How do I handle this?

Vicky<>< · 14-01-2009, 12:42 AM

So i started cutting again about 2 weeks ago, because my boy friend didnt want to hear from me any more he told me he loved me, he is the the first person I ever loved. So meny people, well the people I know have told me to go to see someone and afew years ago i had an oppointment to go see a conseller, but i never went. Thinks in my life have never been happy. Tonight all my friends decided to fall out with me or just have ago and my mum told me my grandma has fucking cancer. I dont know how to handle that, I just want to sit here and cut untill i cant feel it anymore, or od ill just fall asleep right?
Does anyone have the time to talk to me?
Cause i dont know what else to do!

Shenanigans · 14-01-2009, 01:11 AM

*big hugs* We're all here to listen hun. I'm sorry things are so hard right now, is there anyone you feel comfortable talking to about all this, a friend, family member or trusted teacher? Having someone in your life that you can talk to about things can really help.
Cutting wont make you feel better sweety, can you try and keep yourself safe? Perhaps go on the distractions page here and play some games to take your mind off hurting yourself.
I wish I could be more help hunny, but I'm here to listen and offer cuddles
xxxx

Vicky<>< · 14-01-2009, 01:17 AM

I have no-one to talk to, no one to give me a real hug.
I never had a prober family I've never spoke to them, and i will not show them emotion, i have no way out of this i see no point.
I wish i stil had him close to me, but no ive lost him and he doesnt want to even hear from me ever again.
i dont give a shit about me any more.

Shenanigans · 14-01-2009, 01:20 AM

*more big hugs* What makes you say you've never had a proper family hun? Do you feel comfortable explaining that alittle more?
I know it's a cliche hun, but you WILL have someone special again. I know it hurts now but you can and will pull through it ok?
Have you any professional help? Like a councelor or psychiatrist? Is there a school councelor you'd feel comfortable going and speaking to, or perhaps you doctor? Explain how you're feeling and what's going on.
Keep posting hun
xxx

Vicky<>< · 14-01-2009, 01:29 AM

My parent were never married my mum never spoke to me and my dave was a hard guy and doesnt have emotion, he didnt cry when his parents died, my rents are split about 3 years ago and i know it was my fault. But i use to be daddy little girl but now i dont want to see him hes a twat. and so meny people have said i should see someone ive never been able to talk to people and to go get an oppointment in the first place. and i dont go to school im almost 19 i left 2 years ago, and im a drop out i never got anywere.
I just want to cut and cut cause im not my self then so i can be out of myself and forget about everything.

Shenanigans · 14-01-2009, 01:37 AM

Could you perhaps write a letter to your doctor explaining how you're feeling? I know it sounds silly but I did this for my doctor because I found explaining and talking about everything very difficult. Is that something you'd be willing to consider hun?
I'm 20 and I left schoool 3 years ago, dropping out of school doesnt mean the end hun, have you cinsidered going to your local college or doing some night classes? There are loads of courses and things for people wanting to get back into education. Have you had a look in your local area for classes, perhaps art classes or creative writting classes if your of the creative kind.
Don't lose hope hun, you've got ALOT of life to lead yet sweety, sometimes the way we feel puts a black shadow over everything else but there is a light hun. Even when everything isn't going you way there is always hope hun.
xxxx

Vicky<>< · 14-01-2009, 02:00 AM

I couldnt ide feel to bad for wasting time, im not worth it i have nothing to give. and yeah i been to 2 different collages and dropped out twice i do a night class but its just one as, n i have no job no money and my hole family think im a failer and i am

Shenanigans · 14-01-2009, 02:06 AM

*cuddles* You wouldn't be wasting time hun, what you're feeling isn;t right and you deserve support for it. Writting a letter means you can get all that you want to say and everything that is going on said to your doctor so they know the whole picture. I promise they WILL NOT think you're wasting time.
I'm glad to hear you're doing night classes hun =) what are they for? Do you enjoy them?
You ARE NOT a failure! Depression effect everyone different ways but you are a FIGHTER for working through this and not giving up ok? It takes a lot of courage to even get through the day when you have depression, but there is alot of help out there for it. I really think talking to your doctor about this will open doors to getting better and not having to feel like this, I know it's hard to take that step but when you're ready you wont have to carry on feeling like this, you can start on the pathway to getting better and achieving what you want from life =)
Please take gentle care of yourself hun.
xxxx