Title says it all really.
Had to go to a group at the residential place i'm going to soon and its hard because it takes nearly 3 hours to get there, plus i'm struggling a lot the last few days so it takes everything i have to be able to go there.
Then this morning my cpn turns up with the crisis team to assess me saying they want to support me. But i don't feel supported. I feel like they are just doing it in case something bad happens to cover themselves because i won't go to a&e anymore. They were supposed to call me this evening when i got back but didn't so i rang them because i was feeling really unsafe, plus i have to go for another meeting tomorrow to decide whether i can join this programme, so i thought it would be best if i could get through tonight as safely as possible. So this woman answers and basically tells me to call back later because she doesn't know me. Thanks for that. So i end up doing what was in my head anyway.
Why do they say they want to support you then refuse to talk to you?
And my cpn was supposed to come with me tomorrow but won't because she's too busy, which i understand but it would have helped so much to have her speak on my behalf.
Sorry so long but i really needed to get that out!
Thanks for reading x
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
I don't know what to do. I want to do all the things i know i shouldn't be doing, how can the thoughts be this bad?
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
It was hard, talking about all the sh and od stuff but they have accepted me which i guess is good.
Except i feel like i want to run away from it all now.
I'm so scared.
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
congratulations for getting accepted and being able to talk about it, I don't think I could do that. I hope you find the strength to keep going and not to run and hide. Sending you massive good wishes and a big hug :)
"I am me and me is good enough if I would only be it openly"
Im sorry today was difficult, but its good news that they have accepted you!!
Any change is scarey, but facing change has to be better than facing a lifetime of struggles and misery. I too have had to face some scarey changes....changes that I have wanted to run away from. But instead of running I faced my fears and no, its not easy...but the benefits outweigh the fear that I felt.
I really hope you can give this a go and that it will help you. xx
Sorry, not much use at the moment. It is good that they have accepted you. It means you can get some help, make some changes and maybe even be happy at some point. It took alot to go by yourself.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
it's a huge adjustment hun, and whether you get accepted or not, both ways are extremely difficult to hear. it's great you got accepted though. please use the support you have around you. what helped me was thinking about what i was going to take and how i was going to "decorate" my new room. but this might not help you. xxx
aw hun im sorry you have had such a bad day im glad you posted i hope it helped to get it out hun we are all here for you please feel free to pm me anytime im sorry iv not got anything really to say to help but i know how your feeling and im here for you if you need anything
hugs xx xx xx
There is no chance, no destiny no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul
Thanks for the replys x
I'm going to main house in birmingham and i am so worried about it, but i've got loads of other stuff going on aswell and i don't know how to deal with it all. The crisis team keep telling me that its normal to feel this bad with everything thats happening but it just all feels too much you know? They tell me to call if i feel like like sh or od but then they tell me to read or have a bath and i end up doing it anyway so now i don't bother so much.
I have been thinking about it and i don't really know what to take with me apart from the obvious like clothes and stuff. I'll have to ask what i'm allowed to bring i guess.
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
The crisis team suck...I am still trying to figure out what exactly they are supposed to do except assess obviously. But aren't they supposed to be there to support so people don't need to go into hospital? All they do though is assess or give you a list of 'distractions'. And thats if you can get hold of them. Sorry, *gets off peddle stool*.
We are here and willing to listen and talk etc though if it will help. I can PM you my MSN if you do want to talk. *sends hugs in case they would help*
Thanks
I thought they were supposed to be an alternative to hospital too but i don't know. I think they find people like me difficult to work with. They just keep telling me to distract my self like i don't constantly try that already. That or they try and get me into hospital, which there is no way i'm doing because i hate it so much!
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
They find me difficult to work with also. Is there anyone they don't find it difficult to work with - argh! Apparently there is only one cpn available who is able to deal with me and he is so unreliable - sorry, ranting on your thread how rude of me.
How long are you going to be staying at Main House? Do you get your own room and stuff? It's an inpatient psychotherapy place isn't it? It's great that you have this opportunity. It's scary probably right now (for goodness sake, I'm scared of posting a questionnaire) but this is what you need hun. Just think that this could actually help you with your problems and the prospect of then being able to have the life you want - that's exciting as well.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Yeah i get my own room, have to stay there a year i think
I tried to be really honest with the crisis team today, since they can tell when i'm lying and also whats the point of seeing them if i'm not being truthful.
But they basically said they think i should be in hospital and there is no way i'm going in i'd rather deal with this at home if i can. Except i feel so out of control with my sh, it was really bad last night. So really going to try not to cut tonight because of my familiy being around.
Ugh have to go to birmingham tomorrow and i can't be arsed at all- its too far
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
I have heard really good reports about therapeutic communities like Main House. I was due to go to one a year ago but it shut down.
I think we have to make the most of what is offered to us and although the thought of being an IP again isnt a good one, it may be better to keep yourself safe until you are at main House. Its nice to think we can cope at home, in our own environment...but sometimes we just cant, things get on top of us. I admire you for wanting to try and I guess you have the crisis teams phone number if you need them.
Please try to keep yourself as safe as possible. Much love xx
Not even sure if i want to be safe - but because i'm staying with family i'm trying my best not to do anything too bad. I've had enough tbh, its all too much. I've just been told by the crisis team to go down to a&e but i can't face it so i've taken some extra meds in the hope that i'll get to sleep. I feel so anxious that i can't sleep at the minute and i have so much to do tomorrow - its so annoying.
I don't know how to get from here to the point where i go into main house, and deal with all the other **** as well?
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
How are you doing today Jo? So sorry I missed this last night. I hope you are ok. Carrie is right about the extra meds not being a good thing. What about taking yourself to a+e worries you? Do you not think it would help? How was Brum today?
