dont know what to do :(

uberdruck_girl · 12-01-2009, 06:59 PM

over the past few years thoughts of death have popped into my head.

it has got to a point recently. where i think about it everyday.
i cant sleep. i cant get on with everyday things.

i think and think til a point where im so paranoid and upset.
i cant stand ot take the fact i am going to die.
i cant deal with these thoughts..
and i cant help but think about it..
its eating my head alive..

and i just dont know what to do about it.
im on a waiting list for theropy i have been waiting for 5 months now.
and havent heard anything yet. so i cant even get professonal yet as it stands..

i have boarderline personality disorder which doesnt help matters :(
i smoke , i drink and i take alot of drugs.
which is going to to shorten my lifespan..
but some things i just cant give up..
its what makes my life exciting..

im not religous and i never will be. so i cant go down that road.
i try to be positive and live life. but my boarderline has wasted and swallowed up alot of my life.. and as i said i am still waiting for theropy.
and i am currently not on any medication..

dragonfly · 12-01-2009, 07:17 PM

my only advice is until you can get further up the list for therapy just keep thinking of all the people you'd leave behind who you love and who love you.

Whenever i get like that i just think of my sister and how disapointed she be in me and it brings me back just long enough to think.

GlitterGloo · 13-01-2009, 10:11 PM

im sorry that you feel that way. i would suggest going somewhere really quiet for a bit to just relax. somewhere in the countryside maybe.
i know that death is scary - regardless of what you believe in. but it is enevitable and you should try and enjoy all the little things in life while you can.
im sorry i cant be of more help
i hope you feel better soon

p.s. nice sig :)

Shenanigans · 14-01-2009, 01:29 AM

I'm sorry this is happening hun, is it possible to go back to your doctors and explain how things are and ask about pushing you up the list for yout therepy? You doctor can help you while you're waiting to be seen hun, it might be an idea to book an appointment.
Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from these feelings? Have a nice warm bath or play some games, listen to music or clean the house. Something to take your mind off of these intrusive thoughts?
Please stay safe hun, my thoughts are with you
xxxx

Target Dawn · 14-01-2009, 02:03 AM

I can't stand the fact that I'm going to die either but the reality is, we all die eventually and we just have to make the most of the time we have here. The more you worry about death, the closer it'll seem. According to my estimated life expectancy I've already lived 27% of my life but hey, that's what we humans get for being biological beings.

Anyway (sorry for my rambling lol) you say that you can't give up drinking, smoking and taking drugs because they make your life exciting. However there are many other things in life that are exciting and since you are so afraid of death, maybe you can turn that into a motivation to quit, or at least reduce the amount you take? Although no pressure, all in your own time aye = )

I'm sorry that you have to wait so long for therapy. Is there anyway you can get bumped up the waiting list? Or alternatively, are there any community mental health centers you can go to? I go to therapy at one and when I was first referred, I only had to wait 2 weeks.
I wish you the best, although I know it'll be hard.
xx