Ive never been the most social person out there, but Ive always had a fair amount of friends...It had changed the last years, and the last year Ive basically isolated myself, apart from one good friend I avoid being social most of the time.
Ive suffered from depression for almost 4 years, but recently got the diagnose bipolar 2. Usually the issue is not
being social, but it's getting out...And NO matter how well it goes I always feel terrible afterwards. Even if I just chat with people online and they tell me they have to leave I feel overwhelmed. It can't be normal? I talked to my friend just now, Ive been "up" most of the day, talked a lot, being unpatient, writing like crazy etc. When she told me she had to leave it was like my whole world crushed, I know it sounds way over the top, but it's how it feels.
I feel really down. And I cant help blaiming her, which makes me mad at myself, because she's a great person.
When Im in a comfortable social situtaion I still kinda look forward to being alone, Im not able to be social too long at once, but when Im alone I feel terrible. It's just confusing. It's like going from one thing to the other's a huge problem for me. It makes me stay away from social situations because I fear how it'll be afterwards. I cant help getting mad at people because I feel like they're "leaving" me...I feel so lonely. I often end up SI-ing,cant get my mind of pills and stuff like that.
It's always the same thing, I get upset, I cant help but think they dont really like me, even though I know it's stupid.
Even when I have a great day, when I actually am able to get myself out of bed, by the end of the day I will most likely regret not staying in bed. And I really dont get why.
Im not a person who shows a lot of emotions, but I get attached to people way too easily. I have problems focusing on the nice experiences Ive had and instead focusing on the fact that I'll never get that experience/relationship back.
In my last therapy session they told me about this youth group for people with mental problems and stuff, and they said I was welcome. I kinda wanna go, but on the other side, i KNOW Im gonna end up hate it even though I like it(I know that doesnt make much sense)
Also, I doubt people will understand if I tried telling them cause I dont really understand it myself.
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