Triggering (SI/OD) - Long time since i've been on but i need help.

GirlWithTheBrokenSmile · 10-01-2009, 03:28 AM

I haven't been on Ryl in ages so i knw i don't have a right to ask for support but i'm getting desperate.
I Feel like i have no one.
The last few months i've been at uni and i thought things had been improving but since i came back home i've realised nothings changed.
My mum still hates me, my sisters still a bitch, i have no friends and the one friend i did have barely talks to me anymore. My uncles still a ****ing ******** and i still want to hurt him. Laura and Sandy are still ****ing up my family's lives and i want to throw a brick through their windows. I want to shoot the neighbors dog for keep chasing and nearly killing my chickens which are my only outlet.
I have so much anger and pain inside me and i can't let it out.
I'm scared i'm going to do something to myself or someone else soon.
I love my boyfriend but i'm so **** to him i can't help thinking he shouldn't have to put up with me. I must be the shitest girlfriend ever!

I don't know what i expect people to think but i just have to get some things off my acheing chest..

ravynsoul · 10-01-2009, 04:45 AM

*offers hugs* don't apologize for posting and asking for support. keep on writing on here if it helps you.

I don't have much words right now, but I wanted to let you know I've read this.

Have you been seeing a doctor/pdoc/counselor ? If so, have you been able to talk about this with them? If not, do you think it might be helpful?

take care

ThinkingofRecovery · 10-01-2009, 09:38 AM

Sorry, I don't have much practical advice but I know how it feels when you've been in a little denial phase and it all comes rushing back. Is there a counselling service at the uni that you could perhaps use?

Living Dead Girl · 10-01-2009, 01:43 PM

you always have the right to post here and ask for help! im sorry things are so difficult for you, i dont really have much advice but keep posting here to get it all off your chest so its a little less that you are carrying around with you. *hugs*
stay safe and take care xxx

GirlWithTheBrokenSmile · 10-01-2009, 01:58 PM

Thanks guys for the words. I've seen councilors for the past 2 years and never really felt it helped that much but i see a suport worker at uni now who said she will set me up some counciling this coming term, i just hope it helps =/

Living Dead Girl · 10-01-2009, 02:17 PM

i hope it helps! xxx

ThinkingofRecovery · 11-01-2009, 12:58 PM

I hope it helps!

How you doing today?

dark_light · 11-01-2009, 03:04 PM

Hey
I've been away a while too but everyones understanding about these things, and if you need to post you should its better to talk about this stuff.
Have you told your support worker how things are? hopefully the counselling will be helpful and things will feel a bit better once you get back into being at uni.
Always here if you want to talk x

GirlWithTheBrokenSmile · 11-01-2009, 03:16 PM

I tried telling my boyfriend about how hard i'm finding things and how i need someone to talk to but even though he said hes always there for me to talk to i just cant open up to him. He suffers from depression too and has enough problems with out mine too.

My support worker tries to councel me as shes studying to become a counsellor but she always trys to be too friendly so i cant talk to her either. Promlem with the counselling idea is your only really meant to have 6 sessions but it takes me that long to be able to open up.

Im whinging sorry.

Im a little better today but don't think it will last.

xx

wildly insane · 11-01-2009, 04:20 PM

I know what you mean about taking that long to open up, keep on posting here and venting, do you keep a journal? sometimes you can get things off your chest that way as well. Hope things get better, hugs Hannah

Living Dead Girl · 12-01-2009, 10:52 PM

how are you feeling today? xxx

ThinkingofRecovery · 12-01-2009, 11:14 PM

Is there any other option for counselling or psychological help? One where you can take more time to open up as 6 sessions seems too few to me. I know I couldn't possibly start trusting someone and be open enough in 6 sessions. The psychotherapy place I am being referred to (if it ever materialises) doesn't have a time limit on it. Perhaps you could ask your dr whether there is another option. Maybe you could check out your local Mind group if you are in the UK.

GirlWithTheBrokenSmile · 13-01-2009, 02:29 AM

My support worker said she could arrange more sessions but it has to be paid for by the dissabled students allowence if i quallify for it that is.
I used to keep a journal on here but stopped but i'm going to try start again because it used to help a bit.
I've been pretty awful today, cried liked 3 times and still fighting urges but meh.

thanks guys for caring x

ravynsoul · 13-01-2009, 02:34 AM

*hugs* I hope that they can work out some more sessions for you.
I don't have much in the way of advice, but I'm listening *cuddles*

Living Dead Girl · 13-01-2009, 09:57 PM

*hugs*

ravynsoul · 15-01-2009, 04:36 AM

How are you doing today?