I don't really know what to say, except you're not alone i feel like this too, i find myself longing for other people's scars. For me i think it is because some of my scars, not all, aren't that noticeable and it makes the whole thing seem less real. Maybe this is the same for you, i'm not sure. Maybe for a while try to stay away from pictures of other people's scars until you feel better about it.
Hope you are ok. Stay safe
We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken
i know the feeling lolly hun
sometimes you want keloid (raised red ones) scars like other people to make what you're going through seem serious enough, to make the pain seem real, to show that you're struggling- at least thats the way it is for me
from people i know that have them and hate them though i'd say they're not orth it and you cant take them bacl
be safe hun
Beth
I have some scars that are pink/white, some that began purple and faded to white and some that have always been purple. I would guess it depends on how the wound heals rather than what you do.
I also find myself longing to make a certain kind of scar, you're not alone. Try not to compare yourself with other people if you find it triggering, hun.
And I agree with Snailsgomoo (great name btw!) that for me wanting to see noticeable scars helps the experience to feel real. (I have trouble with feeling as if I am not real some days.)
hey i totally relate to what you are all saying i often look at my scars and wish they were more noticable or bigger having scars helps me not cut but when they all begin to fade i have this insassant desire to cut again. i don't know but scars help remind me it's real and also if they were bigger and better (in a sense ) then that would make me more serious about what i do. i dunno
Freedom from addiction, freedom from pain. The suffering is worth the life I live now.
You really don't want them.
They fck you over big time.
Nobody will talk to you and everyone will avoid you like the plague.
So no, you really don't want them, ever.
Mine are hugs, pink and purple, all over my arms.
You do not want them, I guarentee.
I can also completely empathize here as i often feel the same, there is a girl that walks around school who has very bad scars and i always feel angry towards her because mine arent as bad. I know that it's stupid but i cant seem to help.
I also hate it when mine fade because i like the fact that people can look at my arms and see that i have been through hard times. I would never expose fresh cuts though.
I never hope for worse scars. I hate the ones I've already got.
I don't need to justify myself with scars to prove that I've had a hard time. I don't think suffering is something you need to show off. I mean.. it doesn't prove anything. Not to me, atleast.
My scars just stop me getting naked O.o
And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possesed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! -- Not a vegetarian
All of mine are the flat, brownish ones because the wounds were never really deep. I always went for quantity (the more the better) rather than quality (the deeper the better), not to mention my tool only allowed for a little depth as my way of trying to keep myself as safe as possible when I'd do it. People never think my SI was serious since most of my scars have faded over the years, so yeah I've definitely wanted some more noticeable/keloid scars as a way to show the pain better. But I know that the ones I have are easier to cover up and are less noticeable when I'm in shorts and a tank top, so in a way I'm happy that the ones I have are not as severe looking.
I have both and I have to say, the only problem I have with the raised ones is that they're itchy as hell for the first few years. People avoid me because of my self harm but thats due to the numerous scars on my arms and chest and neck (neck isn't self harm, was due to surgery but people assume that because of my arms, i obv tried to kill myself by slitting my throat >.<)
I basically despise my faded scars because at least I can pass the raised scars off as burns I got when I was cooking or something along those lines.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. Sometimes I do want my scars to be worse and sometimes I just want them to disappear completely.
I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don't know
Because reason says I should have died
Three years ago...
- Rent
Don't worry Netti, I think we all do, I know I definately do.
I used to and still do get jealous when I see people with really serious scars on their bodies. But I also know that if my scars have restricted my life so much, then their's must destroy it.
Your not alone many self injurers want their scars bigger and worse... like me but i have a few raised red ones that have been like that for a couple of years now, I hate them, like shieldworld i find them really itchy...
...Sticks and stones may break my bones; but words, they scar forever...
You really don't want keloid ones, they itch, the hurt when you bang them. and not only do you have to worry about people seeing them but you also start to worry about people feeling them through your clothes, you have to plan your outfit and make sure your bumps dont show in them, they really are awful.
You really don't want keloid ones, they itch, the hurt when you bang them. and not only do you have to worry about people seeing them but you also start to worry about people feeling them through your clothes, you have to plan your outfit and make sure your bumps dont show in them, they really are awful.
I second Lau and Sheildworld. I have to wear very thick tights or socks over my tights to hide my keloid scars. The surfaces have becomes very ... I dunno... scaly as they heal, unless I moisturise several times a day. Three months after I made them are still sore inside and make me feel kinda nausious when I touch them. *shudders*
Can I interpret this as meaning they will keep itching for years!?
Yeah, I feel a weird pang of jealousy when I see people with worse scars. Then I remember how much I hate my own most of the time.
It's dreadful, but I have a favorite scar... I'm so ashamed to admit that.
Well i do the tops of my arms and they are all keloid, been doing it there for 7 years and they still itch. Even some t-shirts show my scars cos they are so raised.
Last edited by lau_83 : 09-01-2009 at 01:33 AM.
Reason: spelling
My scars were never severe enough to be raised or anything, like xxworldxoffxx, I went for quantity over quality. In the sun you can still faintly see them (my cousin noticed this summer) and honestly sometimes I miss them.... and would like to have permanent ones. I tell myself this might screw me over in the future in terms of a job (I want to be a high school teacher) but I still want them. One of my friends has purple scars and white scars (her two years free was on Saturday and they haven't really faded at all) and I get jealous of them sometimes.
I also find that the skin on my arms heals amazingly well and it was always hard to get a lasting scar.... the few times I cut my leg the same way I would go about hurting my arm it was more severe and I am now left with purple scars on my leg. I'm thinking a lot of the time it depends on the skin.....
Holding your head up is hard when you just want to stay on the ground.
Can I interpret this as meaning they will keep itching for years!? 
