Unsure-(long)

starting_over · 03-01-2009, 11:54 PM

I really could use a hug and some support. the last few weeks have been chaotic and crazy. I had surgery on Monday the 22 of December, hernia repair and diagnostic laperoscopy. I am not supposed to pick anything up over 10 pounds for a month, um four kids not happening. Anyway the kids only went to daycare for Monday and Tuesday of the last two weeks. Anyway my mom was here helping me until last night. she said she wanted to go home so she could get completely wasted. I said you have been drunk every night here. she said I did not drink the whole thing i threw some out. Whats that gotta do with being drunk? see she had gastric surgery about 7 years ago and so she never has much food in her stomache and so getting drunk is pretty easy to do. she is also bulimic so after she gets high and drunk she binges royally and then purges. I really dont care that she left its the fact that she is so addicted to alchol and pot. her having an eating disorder makes it really hard on me since I am currently in recovery from bulimia and anorexia. I have lost a tremendous amount of weight due to good diet and excercise. Its hard to have her eat what ever she wants and not gain due to her surgery and bulimia and I had to lose the weight the hard way, right way I know but still hard. I also have not cut in 19 months, my drug of choice, and she gets sloppy drunk every night and high 2-3 times a day. I am not sure why I am so unhappy with all this accept that shes my mom and i am acting like the adult here not her. This just sucks so badly. she got up this morning feeling " sick". she says that it is not hang over because she does not have a headache, I beg to differ. I just dont understand, why does she have to get "sloppy" drunk everyday and so early at times. there have been times where a baby has gotten seriously ill and I could not get them to a doctor or had to wake all the kids up and take all four to the ER because she was soo drunk. Also I had to go to an ER alone with severe pain because she was drunk. I was treated horribly at the ER due to my scars. I was taken from the ambulance to the waiting room because She cuts herself and if she can do that then she can live with this pain. I was stripped to see if I had new scars and then given a malox and sent home. This ended the surgery that I had. I gotta go kiddos need me. Please I need a hug soo bad. sorry for rambling.

Accidentally Abstract · 03-01-2009, 11:58 PM

*sends big hugs*
I'm sorry that things are hard for you at the moment.
Try not to lift the kids up more than you really need to.
Take care.
x

Papercut · 04-01-2009, 12:11 AM

Ohh That Must Feel Really Sucky
Im Sorry, I Feel For You.
Try And Not Let It Get You All At Once
((Huggs))
Stay Strong X

deadstar · 04-01-2009, 12:14 AM

Sending massive *hugs* your way.
It sounds like your mums behaviour is really getting to you. Is there any way you could talk to her or write to her explaining how her behaviour upsets you and how you are concerned about her? Also, is she in contact with any alcohol addiction programmes? Is this something you could suggest to her if she isnt? It sounds like her drinking has a large impact on both of your lives.
Do you have any professional support yourself?
Sorry i can't be of much help but i'm always here if you want to talk.
Take care
xxx

starting_over · 04-01-2009, 01:07 AM

She doesn't believe that she is an alcholic, and she really doesn't care that everyone knows she is bulimic. I love her to death. when I was so sick I really hurt alot emotionally, I did not mean to I was sick, but i still hurt her. after about 4 years of no contact at all I had my first set of twins and proved that I was working hard at getting better and thus we slowly began to build our relationship. My mom tells me pretty much everything and after four years of asking she is currently seeing a councelor, my councelor actually. I have had her for 12 years and during this time my mom has been able to build up alot of trust with her and in her ability to treat her. My councelor is wonderful and I trust with her my life. It is because of her that I have gone so long with out cutting and begun healing. the thing is that I have not been able to really see her and talk in over two weeks and I am used to seeing her twice a week and venting. She knows about my mom and her addictions. the thing i can not tell my mom exactly how I feel because it will not change her actions, just make her sneak around and continue doing everything. it would also give an excuse to do it more. she is very fragile and sensitive and i really know about how much i can say before she breaks. the other night she promised me she would be around for another 15 years unless there was some type of accident. basically she was assuring me she would attempt to kill herself for that long. I said thank you but I dont believe she will be here that long. she is slowly killing herself now. not only with the drugs, alchohol, and bulimia but she had a heart attack about 3 years ago and bulimia is very hard on the heart anyway, so imagine what it does to an already bad heart, and ill body from being morbidly obese for sooo long. she also almost 62.