But I've not had any recently.
Until the past week or so.
They're like random words, phantom words or phrases coming out of nowhere into my head. They're not, like, loud, more like thoughts that I can hear. But thoughts that aren't attached to me.
This hasn't happened since my breakdown back in 2000.
And I'm scared.
Sometimes the words mean nothing, but sometimes they are negative and painful. I don't feel comfortable going into details here. But yes.
I have 5 days until therapy starts back. It's been a long therapy break, just over 3 weeks, and for the past week I've been alone at home as my flatmates are away.
It's a combination of not having the therapeutic space and connection, and being alone that's causing it, I think.
But it doesn't make it any less frightening.
Because when I had a period of lots of this, back in the mid-90s, when I was heavily involved in too many heavy duty meditation practices, I confused the voices with intuition. And. Ugh.
It doesn't happen when I'm at work or around people, thankfully. 'Just' at home on my own.
the voices are connected to something. it's just not clear what they're attached to right now. maybe the thing they're representing, or the feelings and confusions inside you, are just too painful to face at the moment. that's understandable, you can deal with them more face-to-face when therapy resumes, which will be soon. until then, perhaps you can write down what they say, and when, and what is going on for you inside and out at those times. obviously, if that makes things worse, then don't... but it might be helpful for when you do try to put those connections into place - when things feel safer.
can you make an appointment with your GP in the meantime? although it's not the same, maybe she will be able to offer you some continuity before you're together with your therapist again.
and maybe you would be able to play with some art materials also, i always like chalky pastels because you don't even have to look at what you're doing if you don't want to.
i can relate, very much. and sometimes it feels harder that they "just" happen when you're on your own. it just serves as a reminder of being alone - and no words can express how scary it feels to hear such things. i hope you can remember that although it feels like free-falling, you're not alone for very long, unlike you most probably were when you had a breakdown in 2000. people are here to break your fall, even if we can't quite stop it.
i can relate sometimes i have similar things. but i don't know how to help it, sorry. all i can think of is distracting yourself from them with other thoughts, that are your own, until you see your therapist.
I'm sitting here rocking wrapped in a blanket. I'll add a more detailed reply tomorrow.
I did see my GP today. She was warm and reassuring. But when I told her about the intrusive thoughts and images of bad things [I hadn't made the connection to voices then] and also that I'm getting burglary-flashback-worries, she just said it's something I have to learn to deal with. :( Today was obviously not one of her inspirational days, I guess...
I'm doing an art journal every day, as I do in therapy breaks.
*offers gentle hugs*
i have no helpful advice, but i know you can get through this, you're so strong <3 loveyou
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Hi Katie. I understand how scary the voices and visions can be (I have pseudo-hallucinations according to my psych). It got very scary over christmas when I couldn't figure out whether they were the voices or really people around me talking to me. I find that somehow trying to calm myself is the best way - the blanket idea sounds good. I also try writing out what it is the voices are saying sometimes so that I can get them out and try and ascertain where they are coming from. I also find just trying to drown them out with music or something can also be of use. I hope you are doing ok hun. I freaked out over christmas because of this and understand how difficult and scary it can be. You are doing so well managing this. Hang on in there. *hugs*
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
This morning I managed to get quite a strong hold on what the voices are about.
Things hotted up this evening on my walk home from work, and I can see what that's about. But ugh it's hard and painful and feels shameful too.
I am so sorry that the GP was not entirely helpful.
What meds are you on?
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Boots/Tescos/Holland and Barretts. :)
Not to be taken with MAOIs, because of valerian and passiflora.
I find it does indeed help me manage the irritable feelings more safely. Apparantly valerian is of the same chemical root as valproic acid which is a mood stabiliser!
Today? Thanks for asking. I'm feeling more stable and less emotionally trapped. Tired though. Keeping on top of all this unconscious material is a LOT of work! Yet I do indeed seem to be gaining strength.
Its great that the natural herbal stuff is working for you.
Last edited by Steel Maiden : 04-01-2009 at 06:45 PM.
Reason: additional
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
