Triggering (SI) - im so tired

fading_away · 02-01-2009, 06:13 PM

im so tired of pretending everythings fine all of the time. i cant confide in anyone and im sick of faking my hapiness. Its so draining to have to be this happy person when really all you want to do is si and cry all of the time. SI is taking over my life, its all i think about all of the time, its the first thing i do and the last thing i do in a day and i feel like i need to do it more and more to cope with everything thats going round in my head. I dont even remember the firt time i cut, i just know seeing the blood give me something physical to deal with which makes the emotional stuff go away for a little while.

Left. · 02-01-2009, 06:18 PM

*gives biggest cuddle ever!!*
i know how you feel love!
you've actually written my story as it stands! you are not alone.
let it out. let it all out.
i know it may seem better to pretend than be asked questions, but there will come a point where it simply gets too much.
i really do feel your pain hun, but i promise you it will get better!!!

we're all here for you. anytime.
mail me, or add me on msn and we can talk if you like. whenever you need to!

we love you xxx

fading_away · 02-01-2009, 06:26 PM

until coming on here ive never felt so alone in all my life. I could be surrounded by all the people in the world but still feel alone. I dont understand how that can even happen.

Its all just to much - everyone expects me to be happy all the time but if i do slip and start to lose my mask everyone com plains saying i have nothing to be sad about - they have no idea what its like to be in my head 24hours a day 7 days a week, its a very confusing place to be. I dont even know who i am anymore - i look in the mirror and dont even know what i see anymore - other than hatred.

Left. · 02-01-2009, 06:33 PM

people are ignorant. they don't think about anything other than simplistic reasons.
im so sorry you feel this way, but if you ever need to talk, scream, rant...whatever, im here. we all are

xx

howlie, · 02-01-2009, 06:38 PM

Is there anyway you can arrange to speak to someone from your local mental health service?
Sometimes having someone to talk to and cry to is the best thing, assuming that you don't feel you could maybe explain to a friend?

If not the next best thing is to talk to people here, getting things off your chest is good.

And never forget its okay to cry, sometimes thats what makes you tired, carrying so much pent up emotion around with you.

Stay safe x

fading_away · 02-01-2009, 07:30 PM

i know i feel the need to cry but the tears just wont come - so i end up SI instead. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

howlie, · 02-01-2009, 07:47 PM

I know it sounds a bit silly, but it might help to cry.
Put some sad music on, think about everything you want to cry about, sometimes you just have to get started for it all to come out.
And once its over you'll probably feel exhausted, but it helps.
Im here if you want to pm me as well
x