My new years resolutions are: To lose weight, to tone up, to not be in hospital anymore, TO NOT HURT MYSELF ANYMORE.
Well. I went to my 'best friend's' party and she didn't talk to me unless I asked her a question, like 'where's the ashtray?'
My 'boyfriend' told me he wouldn't kiss me at midnight
Then my boyfriend's best mate offered me some coke. Which I took because I thought it would make me more sociable and that my 'friends' would like me more.
It made me throw up all over the floor and my trousers.
So everyone thought I was too drunk, my 'best friend' was pissed off at me because I spewed on her floor, and my 'boyfriend' said he was obliged to walk me home even though he was planning to leave anyway.
I am officially the worst person ever.
I have gone one month and two and a half weeks without hurting myself. My dad has really helped me get to where I am, but when I phoned him and asked if I could come to him or he could come to me he said no. He's only up the road and he's not drinking. I don't think he knows that his company will stop me from harming, but I don't want to tell him.
Arrrgghhhh. I bet this year's going to be ****.
*hugs Zowie* I'm sorry that you had such an awful experience tonight! You are not the worst person ever, I don't think your friends treated you very nice. Please try and stay safe.
PM if you want to talk.
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
Zowie, you are not the worst person in the world! I think you were really brave going to the party and it is completely understandable wanting to be more sociable. Your friends sound like they are the ones with the problem tonight, not you. It could be the coke, alcohol, anything, but what happened does not make you a bad person or responsible in any way, shape or form. I can't explain why your Dad wouldn't come. Maybe he doesn't realise how you are feeling? Or maybe in his head he is trying to ensure you don't become too dependant for your own sake? I don't know and can't say without knowing him. But try and think about it logically....he has supported you through all of this and he is your dad. Why would he suddenly stop caring now? I don't think he would, it doesn't make sense.
You are doing fantastically well and I have so enjoyed reading about your strength against SI the last few weeks. Please try and keep going. Don't let one bad night taint what you have worked so hard for.
Zowie you are a good person, you support those arround you when you can. That is what a true friend does and ono ryl you have maney friends that like you for you.
*safe hugs*
You should have a new years resolution to be strong, do what you want to do and not what everyone else may think is cool. I don't think those people sound like true friends anyway, they sound like arseholes. You're way better off without that **** in your life I promise you!
Last edited by airwolf282 : 01-01-2009 at 09:06 AM.
Arwen (Zowie - not sure which you prefer) you are not the worst person ever. Nowhere near it. I'm going to have to echo Emma here, but I think that she has probably said it better than I can. You were very brave going to the party and you have achieved more than you can possibly know with managing to stay SI/SH free for your one month and two and a half weeks. Hun, I know how hard it is to stay free, to have to fight for each day. None of us can take the feelings, thoughts, urges et cetera away from you, no matter how much we wish we could.
I'm not sure if you are presently able to accept them but I'd like to offer you some safe hugs, and my wishes that you can overcome your immediate discomfort and make just one more day without SI/SH. Remember that there are people on here who love you for being you, and for the support you have offerred to them when you have been able to.
Take care. *offers safe hugs*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Thank you for replies.
I texted my friend and she's clearly pissed off with me. My boyfriend's being quite nice though and my dad has been very supportive today.
I did slip up last night, but it was only superficial and I'm not going to see it as a break in my recovery.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
I'm doing okay. I think my friend is avoiding me but I'm pretty much used to that now.
The cuts still haven't healed and it's annoying having to wear long sleeves again. I feel so annoyed that I slipped up. It was after midnight so even if I go the whole year without doing it again, I can't say I never did it in 2009. That sucks.
a slip is just that, a slip! try not to dwell on it too much, even if you cant say you didnt do it at all in 09 at least you can say you didnt do it for 364 days! thats amazing in itself! your friend doesnt sound like a very good friend at all, like has already been said it was such a huge step that you went to the party and she should have been supportive of you for that, not against you for what later happened. i know i dont know you but from what ive seen here you are a very good person so dont let others make you forget that. stay safe *hugs* xx
