most of you have probably seen me around in the other topics, and i never thought i'd need to use this one, but i was wrong.
okay so a little background before my question.
my mom started smoking when i was in elementary school. i'm not sure exactly when.. probably the summer after third grade. but once she stopped hiding it from me, i was realizing that her moods had turned sour very quickly. she was abusive to me physically and emotionally. not sure which was worse.
then, at the end of my freshman year of high school, i got into a bad relationship with a senior. he was really into bsdm and i didn't understand. i had never heard of anything like it before, but we were together for four months and i became aquainted very fast. he had just turned 18 and i had just turned 15. not even age of consent. go figure. but it was more than the bdsm that bothered me. he would always ask to 'wrestle' or 'fight' me... to 'prove he was stronger' or whatever... so we would mess around and fight and stuff... but i always ended up bleeding or bruised. one time his father tried to call an ambulance but my boyfriend wouldnt let him. the more i look back on it, the more abuse i recognize.
now my question is this...
is it inevitable, that when i become a mother, i'll be just like mine? i'd say no, theres no way, but after the bad boyfriend, the cigarettes arent such a big influence on the situation. i thought both of those people loved me, so it was okay.
please tell me i have a chance of being a good mother. i know it's way in the future, but i do NOT want to end up like my mom!!!!
i'm sorry you went through all that honey.
i highly doubt you'll become like your mother.
although they may be some effect of the abuse on you, we shape our own futures and i'm sure you'll be a fantastic mother.
stay safe hun xx
Yea, I agree.
Just because your mom was like that does not mean, in any way, you will be like her.
We choose our destiny, and if she chose to be like that, it's her perrogative. [probably spelled that horrible wrong]
*hugs*
RIP Mike [4.1.06] RIP Grandma [8.2.08] Jon&Nicole[1.6.09] Sometimes when i say "oh i'm fine..."
i want someone to look me in the eyes and say "tell the t r u t h"
honey. you're gonna be a wonderful mom. just because your mom was awful to you, does not in any way mean you'll be the same way. in factif anything, you're likely to strive harder to prevent any such thing happening to your children. you are your own person, not a copy of your mother, it's up to you what happens in your life and in the lives of your kids (to some extent) so don't worry. you'll make a fantastic mother.
Amy xx
sweetie, you will not make the same mistakes your mum did, that's not to say you wont make your own, we are human and entitled to make mistakes. but people who abuse their kids etc arent just making mistakes, they are making choices. so you have the choice of being a loving and supportive parent, not an abusive one.
hope that made sense.
take care hun xoxoxox
Do not follow the common path.....go where there is no path and leave a trail.....
i agree with the others. dont beleive this stuff that says 'if your parent was abusive you will be too', that just isnt the case, if anything it makes you a better parent because youll know better. im sure youll be a great mum, just the fact youre this concerned shows that.
and dont feel bad or like you shouldnt be making posts, we all do. i know im a post whore lol, but this place is here to support you, and answer questions, and make you feel less alone. we cant do the first two unless you speak up.
Live to Dream and Dream to Live
A flash in the dark Of a blade so clean Memories of remorse Thoughts left unseen
We can do this in time, we can be free
(Was written in late 2006. Now, finally, early 2008, I really am free, and it feels amazing)
thanks everybody. i saw a thing on the news once about child abuse being a need for anger management on the parent's part, and how anger problems are always hereditary. so, that would mean 'youll be just like your bloody mother'. im glad to see you all think otherwise. <333333333333333333333333333333 thank you.
I think the 'hereditory' component about abuse of any sort, has more to do with the environment that children are raised within, and those kids growing into adults who havent been taught or havent had the opportunity to observe or learn new more constructive behaviours of rearing children.
And by the sounds of it, you are very insightful into how destructive an environment can be for children to live in .... you realise that certain behaviours are wrong, and children shouldnt be treated that way. I'm sure that when you do have kids, if you notice any inkling of thought or behaviour that is like your Mum (not that this WILL happen, but just maybe JUST IF it happens) that you will rush off and get help immediately!
Knowledge and insight go a long way towards breaking those old patterns of abusive behaviour that get transferred from generation to generation ..... and education and learning new strategies are also good if you need additional help in the future.
I think you'll be fine hun .... from your horrible, god-awful experience, some brand new kids will have a wonderful start in life.
