I give up trying to fight
I have spent my whole fucking life fighting to survive
Everytime I talk things get worse.. A lot worse
I am tired of listening to him go on and on
He says horrible things about the nicest of people
Which therefore must make me horrible because everyone says he is in my head.
When I know all damn well he fucking isn't.
Because if he was in my head I wouldn't be able to fucking see him
Yes he is stood right infront of me now
Laughing at how pathetic I am
Shouting at me to shut the fuck up
And here I am ignoring him! Do I have no fucking sense at all?
In therapy I nearly had a fucking breakdown. She kept saying all these things and none of it made sense and it made him so angry.
And he did it all right there
She was there and he was all over me I could see it
I could see all of them
All those people I fucked and pleased because I am so bad
All of them in one room
Just because I spoke so I didn't talk anymore I didn't answer anything she said and I didn't say anything because I don't want to hurt anymore.
He told me I had to hurt but I couldn't no infront of her she is too nice
She asked me did I want to see one of the doctors and he made me say no. And while she was talking to my grandma I sat in the empty waiting room banging my head on the wall
But its not enough
Im not enough.
I will never be good
But it's ok because I gave myself ten years
Ten years and if everything was still bad I would be dead by my birthday.
That gives me what 20 days?
Or if I had an ounce of self worth left then it would only be 13 days.
Because I really don't want to go through the hell that is the 13th January. Especially as this time it will be worse than ever before..
Im sorry for wasting space
Im sorry for being a fucking selfish little bitch
Im sorry for never being of any use to any of you
Im sorry Im not good enough.
I care alot abotu this site and the people on it
So I should delete this now as I have no right to be here
I know you are all sick of me
So Im sorry
Ignore me
Just do what everyone else does and forget me.
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
Katy. I love you.
You are one of the kindest, most thoughtful, friendly, funny and helpful people i have ever met. You have been of great comfort and support to me and lots of others on this site. And your contributions have been huge.
I know you don't believe it. But you are amasing.
You have been through so much, and i have no idea how you fought through it all. But the fact is Katy, You did make it through!
You are a fighter, such a strong person. But sometimes we can't do it all on our own, especially when their are obsticles in our way.
One of which you can't get rid of alone. I promise you he is in your head, and he is making it harder and harder for you to get the support and help you need.
Katy, he needs to go. And the only way he can go, is if you confide in somebody. Is their anyway you can write down your feelings and how he makes you feel/what he makes you do? and hand that to your therapist or doctor?
Sweetie, you need to stop him, before he stops you.
You deserve so much more, god so, so So much more than your going through right now.
And i for one, want to see you get there.
You are good enough, you are more than good enough.
Please fight him, and fight how you are feeling right now. You deserve a chance at a life free from pain and hurt. Give yourself a chance at that life.
Just because your past was shitty, doesn't mean your future is doomed the same way.
I for one think you have the potential to be an amasing artist. Or anything that you want to be.
Just try and give yourself that chance sweetie.
Keep holding on.
Pm me if you need me.
*Sending you all my love & support*
Jane
<3
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"
Katy hun, I have no words and I'm so sorry for that.
But I can definitely say that we're not sick of you, and I don't think we ever would be.
You're beautiful hun, and I for one love you being here.
I'm just a PM away hun, ok?
*hugs*
please hunni
youre an amazing, person.
YOU ARE GOING TO FIGHT THIS.
fight for the future you deserve.
You are not any of the things you say you are, you are certainly not pathetic. Hunny, youve been through shit, stuff i cant begin to understand. Yet despite it all youre still here, an amazing person. youve made it this far dont give up now.
huggles
talk to me anytime you need hun
*massive hugs*
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Um.thankyou..
I would repky but I think my brain has truned to mush
So much fro all the things I said I wouldt do over christmas and new year
All the tings I sepnt so long fighting
Whats the point
Im tired of this
I am failng at the only thing Im good at..
Ah the joy of inadaquacy...
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
You're not failing at all. There are still loads of people out there - especially on this site - who think you are amazing (me included). You do so much for everyone else, you are there for anyone who ever needs help and support at any time. The energy and patience you bring up for everybody is just amazing.
You're having a very hard time and now you need to get some of that support, because nobody can expect you to get through this on your own. Please try to talk to your doctor or therapist about this. Print your post out and show her if you're worried about not being able to get it out.
We'd never be able to forget you, Katy. Please stay strong!
*hugs*
Im sorry
Im not though am I, Im useless
I reply but it make absolutely no difference
Its just another thing for me to be shit at
And the only thing I am good at Im failing at ha..
Whats the point.
I only see her 2 more times before I move to adult services
But its ok because I am not even supposed to be here for that
I am so scared
I don't know how to make it stop
He wants me to hurt more
Im sorry I really should shut up
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
*offers safe, gentle cuddles*
katy wifey sweetheart
you're not useless <3
i love you so so so much.
you dont deserve any of this pain.
i wish i had advice, but please take care sweetheart?
i wanna meet you when i come over next spring <3
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
*hugs*
hunny you dont deserve to be like this and you do not deserve to hurt.
try and remember hes not 'real', i know its realy hard but remember he cant physically hurt you if you ignor him.
Your a wonderful person and you deserve a good life, its worth fighting for.
hun i know leaving alisons going to be hard, but you have 2 sessions left - use them.
*huggles*
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Im sorry..
Thankyou, thankyou all for being bloomin' amazing
I love you all lots
But I don't deserve this
You can't be nice to me
You need to hate me
I don't want to hurt anyone
But I don't have long left
I know where I am going to die, is that bad?
I know how..
Time is running out..
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
the fact that youre still here is a huge kick in the balls to anyone thats ever tried to hurt you.
Dont let them win.
i dont know you, but ive seen you post a lot, ive seen photos youve posted of people in your life, and i know there would be lots of people that would be devestated to lose you.
regarding this site, you post a lot of helpful replies to a lot of people. the fact that you take the time to read and reply to other peoples troubles makes you more than a lot of people here. (myself included as i rarely post anything worth anything)
Youre still so young, life is worth holding onto, one day you'll see what it has to offer and you'll look back and be greatful for what your experiences have made you, and for fighting through the bad times.
heya katy,
you are lovely, you seriously derserve this and more so much. we are here for you, let us give you some support, you really do deserve it sweetie. no one could hate you, i've seen you about & you seem like a genuinely lovely person, and i really do mean that. you're no waste of space.
i wish i could say something to make all your pain go away, but i guess i suck like that. you've come through so much, and i really respect and admire you're strength. you're human, we all feel weak sometimes, but you've got to hang in there. please hang in there.
*squishes*
Thankyou..
You know whats the really sad thing the majority of people are off here..
they will forget me quick.. apparently im quite easily forgot..
He is telling me to go and find something..something that he threw in the bushes a long time ago
I have to use it in my plan
Im scared
I can't do anything I spend most the day shaking
I cant move
I don't know how to keep going
Im so exhausted
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
*hugs*
Hunny, please dont do anything. You WILL be missed, more than you realise. Hun why is it so important that you have to carry your plan out now, if at all. Everything that hurts is in the past, i know i cant understand anything and i know things still realy hurt. But youre alive, your pretty youve got a roof over your head, your clever. You can move on, its what you deserve.
please please take care hun
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Candy Tetris
Mahjong
Othello
Mumu
