I stopped taking my medication for the most part two weeks up until a few days ago when I started them then stopped them because of the effect, stopped then started again yesterday because I was so depressed and paranoid and imprisoned in my head I was scared I'd never come back. I keep fighting battles in my head going round and round in the most frustrating and distressing of circles about what to do. I only took them yesterday because my mum urged me to take them because of my obviously severely depressed behaviour, I feel obliged and it's doing my bloody head in how out of control I am made to feel. Since I stopped them though I was swinging between hypomania / major depression then I went all the way up to severe mania not last night but the night before (felt like I was tripping on the highness whilst listening to my ipod all night long which in turn only felt like 10 minutes until it started getting light and I checked the time) then crashed down to the indescribable depression of yesterday which brought me to take them just to get some sleep as an escape if nothing else.
Todays influx of side effects has been horrendous with an incontrollable and compulsive / huge appetite, generally very sluggish and fogged out feeling in my head [ no clarity of thoughts ], rapid heartbeat / trouble taking a deep breath, huge headache.
So I wrote this as grounds for my opinion that I shouldn't be on..either of them. {Copy / pasted from my R|V}....:::
This is the case I am going to put to my psychiatrist about my medication (On the 19th January). I know I have outlined a strong argument against taking them but that is definitely not to say that being off them is scary because of the severity of my moods. I really do feel I can't win. 
Side Effects Carbemazapine:
Nausea, vomiting, dizziness
, drowsiness (particularly distressing), or unsteadiness may occur as your body adjusts to this medication.. Tell your doctor immediately if any of these unlikely but serious side effects occur:
chest pain, swelling of the ankles/feet
, trouble breathing, fatigue,
fast/slow/
irregular heartbeat, persistent or
severe headache,
fainting,
trouble urinating, change in the amount of urine, decreased sexual ability, unusual eye movements (nystagmus),
vision changes, hearing problems (auditory hallucnations thought to be a symptom of my illness until I realized they only occur upon taking this medication), mental/mood changes (irritability / depression), pain/redness/swelling of the arms or legs,
numbness/tingling of the hands/feet, sun sensitivity,
joint pain, hair loss. Tell your doctor immediately if any of these rare but very serious side effects occur: persistent nausea or vomiting,
severe stomach/abdominal pain (reoccurred since restarting medication!!!!), yellowing eyes and skin,
dark urine, swollen glands, persistent mouth sores. A very serious allergic reaction to this drug is unlikely, but seek immediate medical attention if it occurs. Symptoms of a serious allergic reaction may include:
rash, itching, swelling
, severe dizziness, trouble breathing. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist.
(the ones in red, I experience after one dose only, I can but disagree with anything I consume giving me all these ailments at once being a good thing).
Side Effects Mirtazapine:
Side effects occurring commonly- Mild visual hallucinations (when taken during the day or when awake)
- Increased appetite (particularly distressing)
- Vivid dreams / Nightmares as a result of regular intake
- Depersonalization / Derealization (i.e. feeling unreal, in a dream-like state) (I actually thought this was a new symptom of the schizoaffective part of my diagnosis it’s so severe)
- Weight gain (extremely distressing)
- Increase in cholesterol, independent of weight gain
- Drowsiness, especially at lower doses and during the first few weeks of treatment
- Dizziness, coupled often with the effects of sickness
- Headache (I experience headaches on quite a regular basis)
[edit] Side effects occurring rarely[edit] Dangerous side effects
Any of these side effects requires urgent medical attention. Medical advice is also required for taper-off instructions: sudden withdrawal from antidepressants can cause serious symptoms. However, sudden withdrawal can be used, under appropriate medical supervision, when the risks of continuing the antidepressant during a 'taper-off' phase are too great.
- An allergic reaction; signs of swelling of the lips, face and tongue, difficulty in breathing, rash or itching (especially affecting the whole body) or feeling faint
- Signs of infection such as fever, sore throat, mouth ulcers or stomach upset
- Jaundice (yellowing of the skin and/or eyes)
- Agranulocytosis
(Again the red = what I experience upon taking this ‘medication’ and again similarly I can honestly say that these ‘medications’ are making me more mentally ill psychotic symptom wise than I am without them)
If you've read it all then I really appreciate it.
I would really appreciate any thoughts that any of you may have on this.
It's driving me mad [lol].
